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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Literal LOLs (155)

Wednesday
Nov302016

Is There No "Just Us"?

After you see the word "just" written on a cake enough times, you start to ask yourself, "How does this keep happening?"

 

I don't know. I honestly don't. 

But it still cracks me up.

 

Sometimes I can't help imagining the conversation:

"What would you like the cake to say?"

"'Happy Birthday.'"

"Anything else?"

"Just 'Happy Birthday.'"

 

 BAM.

(I see "Just Happy Birthday" so often that I'm starting to wonder if bakers think it's a "thing." You know, like Man Showers or Dubstep.)

 

Then there are the perils of ever thanking your baker:

 

 

Not to mention the perils of writing anything out with instructions, really:

And just like that, CC's hysterectomy cake would never be forgotten.

 

So bakers, remember: when in doubt about a cake, you're always better off writing nothing on it than risk getting the order wrong.

 

No, not "nothing ON IT," I mean just, you know, NOTHING.

 You're killing me here.


Ok, what if I tell you to leave the cake blank?

As I suspected:

We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Ginger E., Anony M., Jenny C., Nathan B., Nicole P., Cristina B., Kristen H., Erica, & Ross E., who know you can't take anything I say literally, because I only speak in similes. LIKE A BOSS.

*****

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Tuesday
Nov152016

Keep It Simple, Keep It Safe

Much like land wars in Asia and dealing with your in-laws, ordering a cake is all about keeping certain information to yourself.

You don't leak state secrets, you don't say you hated last Sunday's casserole, and you never, EVER, tell a baker what size to write the 75:

BIG MISTAKE.

 

In fact, try to avoid giving your bakery any information you don't have to. Too much information just gums up the works, you guys. It's confusing. It's risky.

For example, does the bakery need to know WHY you want Kelly's cake in orange and blue?

No. No, it does not.

 

And if you don't want a name on the birthday cake, it's really not a good idea to ask for the icing to be "Tiffany blue."

A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but your-friend-who-isn't-named-Tiffany's gonna be pissed.

 

Hey, speaking of names, did you know there's a singer named Yolanda Adams?

I didn't. Neither did this next baker.

So saying, "Like the singer Yolanda Adams" might not be as helpful as you think:

Boops.

 

And finally, minions, if you provide a photo reference for your cake order, like this:

Then let the photo do the talking, so to speak. Don't add more. Don't go on to say that you want the bakery to "make it as Mexican as possible."

Because you know what's really, REALLY Mexican?

(This is not the set up for a racist joke, I swear.)

The Mexican flag.

(The green pitchforks, not so much.)

 

Thanks to Sarah M., Morgan W., Mary P., Sandra G., & Mar O., who Sauron what I did there with the title.

*****

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