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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Literal LOLs (168)

Thursday
May312012

Flakes Welcome

"Hi, I'd like a cake, please, and could you put a 'happy birthday' plaque on it?"

"No, no, I mean one of those plastic things on a spike - you know, a 'happy birthday' pick?"

"Maybe we should start over."

"Could you write, 'Over the Hill' or 'Officially OLD' or something like that? This is for my husband, so it's ok if it's borderline rude."*

"What the...? What is WRONG with you people? Look, my husband usually gets pie for his birthday, so I promised him that THIS year he'd get a REAL birthday cake..."

"I WASN'T FINISHED."

"But wow, you guys are fast."

[rubbing temples] "Look, I give up. Could you just give me a cake - any cake? No writing. Just grab one out of the case and hand it to me. Please."

"Which one? Oh, I don't care...how about the one with the chocolate flakes on it? Yes, that one. Yes, the flake. Thank you."

Oh, like you didn't see THAT coming.

 

*Actual dialogue Angela R. used while ordering this cake.

 

Thanks to Molly S., Savannah W., Angela R., Beth, Lisa H., for always taking things so literally.

Monday
Apr302012

Basic Instructions

How to Literally Be the Worst Wreckerator:

 

1) Many names have unusual variations these days, so always remember to double check the spelling ahead of time.

 

"And her name is Starr with two 'r's."

[writing] "Star...with... two 'R's. Roger.

"No, Star."

"Lady, I got this."

 

2) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it only takes a few to get the general idea across.

 

"Hi. I'm looking for a Super Mario cake with a green pipe on it - you know, the thing with the plant coming out of it? I called it in a few days ago."

"Oh, right. Um..."

"Sorry, ma'am, but your cake is in another bakery."

 

3) Keep in mind that some grammatical words have more than one meaning.

For example, 'slash' can also mean 'kill', 'period' can mean 'length of time', and 'space' will always be a mystery.

"Not gonna lie; I would have slashed to go to a 'Pirate Space Palooza' when I was 12. Period."

 

4) Ordering a cake shouldn't be rocket surgery, so always strive to make the ordering process as easy as possible for your clients.

 

"Hi there, I'd like to order a cake? It's for my friend Vicki; she's turning thirty on Thursday."

"No problem! I'll just write, 'Vicki Thirty Thursday', then, shall I?"

"Um, no - just a simple 'Happy Thirtieth' will do, thanks."

"'Happy Birthday Thirty,' comin' right up!"

"No no, I want 'Happy Thirtieth,' and then her name on it."

"Yooooou betcha. 'Thirty Happy Vickies' it is!"

"Are you daft? Look, I just want 'Happy Thirtieth, Vicki' ok?"

"OH! Of course! Silly me. Now I understand."

"Finally! Thank you!"

"I just have one question."

"What?"

"Where does the 'Thursday' go?"

[silence]

"Vicki? You ok?"

 

 

Thanks to Nancy W., Michele S., Steph W., Nancy E., and my good friend Scott Meyer of the real Basic Instructions for the inspiration.