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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Missed Marks (258)

Wednesday
Sep092009

Blimey, Somebody Call 999!

Stewart C., a self-proclaimed "Wreckie-in-Training, UK Division" has informed me that today is the unofficial Emergency Services Day in the UK, on account of it being 9/9/09. (See, here in the U.S. we dial 911 for an emergency, but in the UK, it's 999.) Now, I know what you're thinking: does that mean there's an official Emergency Services Day? And if so, what day is that on? We may never know.

Regardless, I think that we should celebrate this occasion with our perfectly smashing neighbors across the pond, if only so I can liberally sprinkle what few bits of British slang I know gratuitously throughout. So, with a hi and a ho, and a cheerio, let's go!

Oi! See here, now: This poor sod's not only hit the sleeping policeman of the century, but he was apparently eaten by those dodgy spiders as well. 'Sa right shame, tha' is. The date's quite fitting, though, innit? Pip pip!

Cor! Did you know there's actually a cake kit for car accidents? Straight up. Check it out:

For today, I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake." Just take a gander at the ickle bobby wagon! Bent as a bottle of a chips, is what that is. [nodding earnestly]

And here's how you add a bit of jiggery pokery to a car wreck cake:

Say, where IS the accident? This cake is all fur coat and no knickers, if you know what I'm saying. (What, you don't? Oh. Well, that makes two of us.)

And to really throw a spanner in the works, you could add a little fancy man jibber jabber:

Gaw, that's right cheeky, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick, eh? Bob's your uncle!

Hey Hunter S., Tara T., Tim G., and Michelle B., if Bob's your uncle, then how's your father?

John's Helpful Index For Ruddy Yanks:
Oi!- Hey there!
Poor Sod- A pitiable fellow
Sleeping policeman- Speed bump
Dodgy- Risky, suspicious
'Sa right shame, tha' is- How unfortunate
Cor!- My goodness!
Straight up- True True
Ickle bobby wagon- Small police car
Bent as a bottle of a chips- Crooked
Jiggery pokery- Deception
All fur coat and no knickers- No substance beneath
Spanner- Wrench
Fancy man jibber jabber- Love talk
Gaw- Exclamation
Right Cheeky- Attractively impudent
Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick- Not so bad
Bob's your uncle!- There you have it!
How's your father?- A nudge-nudge wink-wink bit of innuendo
Ruddy Yanks- Americans

Related Wreckage: Transformers Going Down In Flames

Monday
Aug242009

Forget the Ballgame. Just Take Me Out.

Breaking news update: The Red Sox have clinched the AL Wild Card lead. Boy, this stuff changes fast!

As of today, the Red Sox and the Rangers are tied for the AL Wild Card lead. ("Uh-huh, and...?") St. Louis catcher Jason LaRue got a hit off of Billingsley in the ninth inning, and pinch-hitter Joe Thurston doubled down the right field line to set up the top of the Cardinals' lineup. (Y'all following this?)

Then the Mets did something, the Cubs did something, and I began to zone out, wishing I had some Twizzlers and thinking how dumb it is that LOST has such a long hiatus.

But I'm aware that many folks are rabid baseball fans, so today's post is for you! (See? I do care.)

I've often thought the game could use a little girling up. I mean, why don't they use giant roses for bases? Or incorporate a little pink and robin's egg blue? Next time you're at a game, be sure to ask.

Also be sure to suggest - loudly and to anyone in earshot - that the whole diamond setup is stupid. Wonky ovals are way better.

Now flag down the sweaty guy with the tray o' beers, fork over your seven dollars for another one, and check out the pop fly ball that's heading straight for your head. In your inebriated state, it might look something like this:



Fortunately, though, anyone who's recently suffered a stunning blow to the head qualifies as an honorary Wreckerator! So quick, before your senses return, decorate a cake!

Excellent. I particularly like the random "w" - or is that a sideways 3?

Ashley P., Dawn B., Dan M. and Lori R., "your out!"

- Related Wreckage: Why We Need More Male Cake Decorators