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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Missed Marks (250)

Friday
Jun062014

Ode To Honest Wreckers

We've all seen it.

So.

 

Many.

 

Times.

Bakers with delusions of competency.

Yes, these professionals lure in clients with pretty pictures and promises, only to shatter their pastry pipe dreams with poor planning and pathetic, um... skills.

 

That's why I'd like to thank all the bakers out there who proudly let their wreck flags fly, showing us exactly what to expect when we order from them.

In fact, I wrote you a poem, honest bakers.

[ahem hem hem]

Thank you for your honesty
In building your display

Your heap of melty sugar
Should scare us all away

 

And thanks for making it easy
To choose another store

Not that I don't appreciate
Some good ol' fashioned gore

 

Thanks for guiding blushing brides
With wisdom past their years:

That any wedding cake from you
Will only end in tears.

 

And thanks for being straightforward,
I expected nothing less.

You put it all right out there
With your drippy race car mess.

 

Thanks to you for having
the courage to admit

That when you try to decorate
It's going to look like... really, really bad.

 

Thanks to Lesley B., Laura S., Anony M., Tiffany M., Martha C., & Jenna M. for dropping a load of truth on us.

*****

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Thursday
May222014

Brides Tell All!

Ah, wedding wrecks. Like a good movie, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry, and sometimes, they can make you run screaming for small claims court. (Never again, Sea Biscuit. Never. AGAIN.)

So.

Bride-to-be Beverly ordered this wedding cake from her bakery's catalog:

She writes,
"I asked if it was possible to do a dark blue layer as well, and I was assured it was possible and it would look fine."

See, there's your first red flag, Bev. Dark blue and moss green will never look fine together, and anyone who tells you otherwise IS LYING. Or possibly color blind.

"My mom went to pick up the cake and threw a fit. Granted, she didn’t know what it was supposed to look like but she assures me it was much worse, so she made them redo it."

Ah, so they fixed it? Hey, good for them!

Wait, you said "redo," not "fix," didn't you? Ah. Still, how bad could it be?

Why do I even ask anymore.
I mean, really.

...

Next up, Jamie writes:

"I gave our bakery this picture with instructions that I wanted our cake to look just like the top tier - smooth sides, our monogram, and instead of the piping on the bottom, a simple purple ribbon."

That may be the easiest request I've ever heard. Seriously. There's no way a pro baker could mess that up.

Literally, no way.

Literally.

NO WAY.

...

And finally, Carolyn writes:

"Basically, I just wanted the top 3 layers like the cake below in white, with red ribbons and a matching red sash. The flowers were going to be white, with a red and yellow one randomly placed."

Right. Three white layers, red ribbon, and some red and yellow flowers.

NILED IT.

(You know, like the River Nile? 'Cuz it's all flowing down the cake? Yes? No?)

(Hey, if you don't think that's funny then YOU'RE IN DENIAL.)

(Eh? EH??)

 

Thanks to Beverly, Jamie, & Carolyn's cake for crying us a river.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.