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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Missed Marks (337)

Wednesday
Nov162016

Seeing Double

Sometimes, when ordering a cake, you have to play Pictionary with your baker. Except instead of just telling them what to draw, you show them a picture. And instead of actually drawing anything, they make a cake. So really it's nothing like Pictionary. WORK WITH ME HERE I'M NOT SO GOOD AT ANALOGIES.

For example, Kelly and Paul wanted a cake of Winnie-the-Pooh, so they brought in this:

 

 And got...this:

Say, is that a squished spider on your face, or does your baker really think bears have whiskers? 

I mean, it's like a Goldfish Cracker donned a Groucho Marx disguise, and then sprouted nubby little arms and legs, right? It's EXACTLY LIKE THAT, right?

Ahem.

Amanda S. works for the Cirque du Soleil show Varekai, and for the show's tenth anniversary they wanted a cake that looks like the show's circus tent exterior:

 

 But instead, they got something like HR Giger would design if he designed Moon Boots:

 

  Really ugly, non-functional Moon Boots. That can kill you. With their pointy, pointy spiny things. Yeah. Like that.

 

And finally, Brittany M. didn't actually order this next cake, so I had John whip up a handy graphical approximation of what we *think* the baker was aiming for:

 

 This is some kind of sports thing, right? Or maybe a zoo decal? 

(I AM ALSO NOT SO GOOD WITH SPORTS.)

 

Well, whatever it is, I think it's safe to say that the baker took license with that logo in the same way a crazy artistic type person takes license with something traditional that we all love and don't want messed with. Which is to say a LOT.

Oh! I know! Like that one awful version of Jingle Bells! (No, not that one - THAT one.) Yeah. Like THAT.

So, yeah. it's bad.

[whistling]

Hm?

OH, I'm sorry. Did you want to see the cake now?

Ok.

  Meee-YOWCH!

Poor lil' kitty. I bet the LSU folks are as mad right now as cats when I try to clip their claws. 

The cats' claws, I mean, not the LSU people's. Hopefully they don't even HAVE claws. 

The LSU people, I mean, not the oh never mind.

*****

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Friday
Nov042016

When They Go High, You Go Logo

I love a good hand-piped logo wreck. It says, "YAY TEAM!" without all that pretentious "artistry" and/or "talent."

For instance, bakers, you know that maybe three people in the world could recreate this logo in buttercream:

You KNOW it.

 

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try!

Really captures the majesty.

 

Or how 'bout the Patriots logo? Impossible?

Of COURSE it's impossible!
It's not like you don't know you can't do it!

[pauses to re-read last sentence slowly, finally nods]

Ahem.

Do it anyway!

I always say apostrophes are for sissies.

 

I feel this is an EXCELLENT time to remind you all of one of my personal favorites:

 

COUNT THE TOES.

 

And finally, anyone have a wing and a prayer?

 

No?

Alllllllrighty, then.

 

Thanks to Alan W., Michele L., Mandy, & Sam T. for getting the Greatest American Hero theme song stuck in my head. Again. (Just me?)

*****

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