12 Thanksgiving Cakes To Make You EXTRA Thankful

John and I actually had our Thanksgiving dinner with family on Monday, and we had ham instead of turkey, but it was still totally Thanksgiving dinner because we used cloth napkins and the phrases "What's that supposed to mean?" and "No, YOU'RE wrong!" were used. YAY HOLIDAYS.

If that doesn't already make you feel more thankful, then here are twelve wrecks to remind you just how blessed you are to have a phone with Internet access so you can look at goofy cake pictures while your family argues politics. (Yeah, I know you're out there. Welcome!)

 

"Bad news, sir: the tiny phalluses have us surrounded. 

"Also, you're on fire."

It's the original Thanksgiving streaker!

(But what in the name of Stovetop is that "stuffing" made of?)

This bird is here to PUMP... *clap!* ...YOU UP!

"HURRRG! Watch me flex, ya!"

And this:

...is an EX-turkey.

(I can't help it; those stiff little legs crack me up every. single. time. And then I start pining for the fjords...)

Aw, don't cry, little fella! I'm sure all turkey cakes have visible bowels.

Or at least the ones around here, anyway.

This cake doesn't need commentary; it needs a sound effect.

Something like, "BLTTHHHHPPPPPPPPPP. THPP."

As a proud geek girl, I usually use the word "shiny" as a compliment.

Not this time. 

Also, that "cake" is butted up against real raw potatoes. You know how I know they're real potatoes? Because they're the only thing on that platter that looks like the thing they're supposed to be.

A lot of people have complained about Christmas decorations creeping in alongside all the Thanksgiving ones this year, but I didn't think it was so bad 'til I saw this:

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, GINGERBREAD MAN.

Now for a quick etiquette lesson:

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed.

And also why you should never confuse your TP with TNT. (Ouch.)

Which reminds me: anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Or is that too much of a stretch?

(HEYO!)

So in conclusion, allow me and the Ghost of Turkeys Past here to wish you a very Happy...

..."Itanksgiving."

Or, as most of us know it:

"Gooble Gooble Day." 

Thanks to Kimberly H.,  Craig, Katrina O., Sam K., David G., Michael H., Sara G., Ardin A., Susan F., Deborah B., Travis S., & Carolyn H. for the Thanksgiving thankfullness.

The American Way, Replayed

Technically Veterans Day was yesterday here in the U.S., but since a lot of us get today off to celebrate, CELEBRATE WE SHALL.

Veterans Day is all about honoring those who have and are serving in our country's military. There are lots of great ways to do this:

This is not one of them.

Now, I happen to know that a fair number of military personnel read this blog - a fact I find both humbling and just a teensy bit alarming, since I'm not sure those who share my twisted sense of humor should have access to heavy artillery. (Holy Hand Grenade, anyone?) 

On the other hand, I do so enjoy all the e-mails with the giant "DECLASSIFIED" stamps on them.  Makes me feel all James Bond-ish, only in an American, hermit-girl-blogger kind of way.

So in your honor, my dear veterans, here are some patriotic cake designs that will surely bring a tear to your eyes.

 Tissue?

The underline is what really sells it.

 

Of course today is about you, the troops:

And as "Owl Troops" you deserve "Supott."

Because you are all "Hero's."

 And so we "honer" you, our "vetr ans."

Kind of like how we honor the flag, the symbol of this great nation:

Stirring.

 No wait, I take that back: this Wreck leaves me shaken, not stirred. [ba dum bump!]

Some bakeries pipe their greetings on clear plastic sheets, which they then lay on top of the finished cakes. It's cheating, sure, but this way bakers can trace their messages or start over if they make a mistake.

Or just slap the plastic on anyway and call it a "Vetrans" day.

 

So remember, everyone: it is thanks to our veterans that we have the freedom to live in this great country, the United States...

 ...of Amercia?

Hang on, that doesn't sound right. Can we try that one again?

Muuuch better. 

(But who stole the corner piece?!)

Thanks to Eric H., Dave K., Sara B., Nikki G., Adria P., Tory L., Michael H., Christina R., Tara L., & Allyson H. for fully vetting today's wrecks.