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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Oh Poop (52)

Tuesday
Oct192010

Regular Wrecks

Okay. I'm sure you all get it by now: Chocolate icing, when squeezed out of a pastry bag, looks like poop. Always. Especially when it's filled with air bubbles. And nuts. And sometimes corn.


Which is why sometimes I have to believe these wreckerators are messing with us.

I mean, c'mon, look at this:

I'm pretty sure I saw that topper in Spencer's gag-gift section.

Or how 'bout this guy?

Me thinks Mr. Hanky's been drinking too much Red Bull.


EXPLANATION FOR OLDER GENERATIONS: See, Mr. Hanky is a cartoon character made of [cartoon] poop. No, really. Yes, I know: kids these days. And Red Bull is an "energy" drink that they claim gives you wings, but they're lying, and someone should tell you that before you go and get your hopes up and order your "Super Jen" outfit with matching sparkle cape and steampunk goggles. For example.


Sometimes they try to confuse us by throwing in random flotsam:

Are those...shovels? Axes? Wait. Is this a pun? Chopping a log? Oh, man, that is a new low, Wreckerators. Really. And for the love of lazy lumberjacks, WHY IS THERE A CHERRY ON TOP? This is NOT a "cherry on top" kind of moment!*

You know what really gets me, though? Over in Japan, where for some reason folks are obsessed with poo, bakeries make cakes that are actually *supposed* to look like #2 - but you know what those cakes look like? THIS:

That is seriously some of the cutest...stuff...I've ever seen.
(Although the flies with bunny heads will be visiting my nightmares tonight.)

But come over here to America, where ostensibly our bakeries do *not* make fecal facsimiles, and we get....this:


God bless America.

With a cherry on top.

(Seriously? Seriously?)


Thanks to Jen C., Kimberly W., Liz G., Kseniya T., & Mollie B., who are all Wreckies of excellent moral fiber.

*Update from john: First of all, yes. We know. Secondly, WE HAVE AN EPCOT!!! Under your desks everyone! This is not a drill!

Friday
Jun182010

Let's Just Stick with "Happy Falker Satherhood"

We here at Cake Wrecks would like to wish all of you dads out there the happiest of Father's Days this weekend.

Just as soon as we figure out how.

Hm. Not quite right...


No...

"Phathes"? Seriously?

Definitely no...

Aaaand we give up.

Of course, getting the inscription right is only half the battle:

This design works best if dad has never heard of "sarcasm."

(Also, you've got to love the not-so-subtle "Making of Me" "rug" there. Way to acknowledge the paternal contribution, Wreckerators!)



Riiiiight.

Now, don't get me wrong: I'm sure there would be buzzing around that load of...hive. It just wouldn't necessarily be by bees.

[brightening] Hey, you think those are vuvuzela horns?

Now, kids, when ordering your Daddy a cake, try to emphasize his positive qualities.


You know, like having a butt the size of Texas.

(Hey, at least they didn't call him "Super Terrific Dad." Heh.)


Carrie G., Erin H., Brady M., Ro W., Vangie B., Elisabeth K., & Katie, you've made your dads proud today. Unless, of course, you've never managed to measure up to his expectations, and he just doesn't understand you. In that case, this probably hasn't made much difference either way.