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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Oh-So-Ugly (208)

Friday
Mar222013

Colorful Metaphors

Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.

 

Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.

How do these colors make you feel?

 

[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?

 

I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.

 

These next ones should inspire feelings of peace and tranquility. Take a look:

 On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?

Excellent.

Does this next example generate the same kind of elation you normally experience while cleaning your ears with an extra long Q-tip?

 

Why, or why not?

 

And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?

 Fascinating.

 

Now, I want you to stare at this next one while imagining your least favorite food:

Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.

 

And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?

 Innnteresting.

 

Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!

As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.

 

Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.

(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)

 

Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Friday
Mar152013

I'm Irish, But Don't You Dare Kiss Me

 It's nice to see bakeries really getting into the St. Patrick's Day spirit this week:

 

 By which I mean they've clearly been drinking.

This is one week I'd actually kind of love to work in these bakeries. I wouldn't be drinking, though; I'd just be egging on all the drunk bakers.

I'd be all, "Hey, guys, you know what we need? JEWISH LEPRECHAUNS."

And they'd be all, "OMG JEN YOU ARE SO SMART AND PRETTY BUT MOSTLY SMART."

 

Sha-POW!

 

Then I'd hold relay races where all the drunk bakers have to ice a cake with their elbows and pipe on the side swags with their teeth:

Ker-PLOOIE!

 

Next I'd get them all to do that thing where someone stands behind you and and you pretend their arms are your arms and play icing Pictionary: 

Bam! Zap! Ni!

 

And finally, I'd just be overly enthusiastic about everything they made, no matter HOW terrible, kind of like your favorite aunt acted when you were four:

[shrieking] THIS IS THE BEST SHAMROCK CAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Who wants more beer?

 

[gasp] Did you use the airbrush? WAY TO GO, YOU! And did you cut out that paper pot of gold yourself? You DID?! Well, now, who's a big boy? WHO IS IT?!

 

  I have never wanted to kiss a red UFO more.

 

Yep, I'm telling you, guys, that would be a HOOT. 

 

Now, y'all have fun this weekend, and be safe, and remember:

 Easter wrecks are next.

 

Thanks to Tamara H., Dan B., Lindsay B., Timothy E., Dara M., Courtney L., Jessica D., & Amanda M., for the sobering selections. ;)