Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Oh-So-Ugly (208)

Wednesday
Feb272013

Wedding Is Believing

You all know we have a "professional cakes only" policy here at CW, but when it comes to wedding cakes that can be a tough call. See, apparently most of you wreckporters feel a little awkward accosting the bride and demanding to know if her baker actually considers himself a professional. (Cowards.)

So, today, I'll let you guys decide. These really are all wedding cakes served at actual weddings, and in many cases the photographers claim to believe the baker was paid. For your sanity, though, you may want to go on believing someone's Aunt Sally made them as a last-minute "favor."

Needs more rose petals.

 

Is that...meat? And more importantly: if your cake looks like a giant meat slab, wouldn't you think about maybe slapping some frosting over that sucker?

 

Aw, now that's a shame; if only they had a few more bunches of fake flowers you wouldn't have to see the cake and tinfoil at ALL.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling this should be rotating and spraying water out of the swan's mouths?

 

And speaking of water...

Mmm. Wet tissue paper.

 

Proof that there aren't enough gaussian blurs and hazy vignettes in the world to make a wreck look like a Sweet.

See?

(P.S. OH. MAH. GAWD.)

 

Thanks to Heather H., Michele T., Connie P., AG, Samantha B., Allli B., Jessica H., Zoe H., & Skye C., for providing nightmare fuel for future brides everywhere.

 

PS. Believe it or not, I actually DID wean out a few that were even worse than these, because, for example, the baker put the wedding cake on a rusty pie plate:

So I'm REALLY hoping that means it's homemade.

Still, the important thing to remember is that THIS IS A WEDDING CAKE.

And hey, put it on a regular cake board and I've totally seen worse.

 

Friday
Feb082013

Valentines Strategery

Valentines Day is next week, so it's a good idea to start strategizing now. I mean strategerizing. I mean stratavarigizing. I mean WHATEVER SPELLCHECK YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

[What you're not seeing - other than me yelling at my screen like a madwoman - is that spellcheck is telling me "strategizing" is spelled wrong but "your" is right. IRONIC, idn't it?)

Ahem.

I'm going to assume you haven't already proceeded with Operation Dump Week, so let's move on to plan C:  Choosing the right gift.

First of all, remember that you can never go wrong with roses.

 

  Unless they're these roses.

 

 Or these ones.

 

 Or...SWEET MERCY, has Sleeping Beauty been on another rampage?!

 

Ok, maybe instead you should go with a single, long-stemmed...

....tape worm.

 

 You know what, forget the roses. Teddy bears are where it's at:

Or, sure, decaying gophers could work too, I guess. 

 

Here's a good option if your guy/gal is nicknamed "Poo Bear:"

A yellow-bellied Poo Bear? Nice one, bakers.

 

You could also just stick to the Valentine basics: you know, hearts, cupid arrows, that sort of thing.

That's it.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

 

 

 Sing it with me, Kathleen S., Lindsay R., Maria V., Suzanne, David G., Amanda S., & Caroline M.: 

Shot through the heart!

And you're to blame! 

You give loooove

A BAD NAME.

 *************

Technical Note: Have you been by the Cake Wrecks Facebook page lately? I post daily updates and photos over there, but you won't see them in your feed - even if you follow us - unless you visit the page every now and then. So please, click on over!