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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Oh-So-Ugly (208)

Monday
Jan212013

You Don't Know Jack

Once Upon A Time...

...there was a boy named Jack:

 ...who used a lot of sunblock.

 

Jack lived with his mother in "The Hovel by the Phallic Fountain."

The hovel needed a new roof, but Jack and his mother had no money.

 

So they decided to sell their only cow, Boxy.

(Look, I don't know what it is, either, but this story is going to move along a lot better if we can all just agree it's a cow, OK? Moo.)

 

On the way to the market, though, Jack met:

...the Way Stuffed Cellulite Man.

 

Mr. Way Stuffed convinced Jack to trade him the "cow" for a tray of tragic spleens.

(Sure, they look happy now, but that's only because they don't recognize my masterful use of foreshadowing.)

 

Jack's mother was livid when he can home with the spleens, and made Jack give them a proper burial.

(See? Tragic.)

After a miserable night with no supper, Jack woke up to see a flowing vine where he'd buried the spleens:

Flows like a river.

 

The Tragic Spleenstalk reached all the way to the clouds. As Jack stood gaping, suddenly the Faceless Fairy appeared!

"Jack, climb the spleenstalk to find a magic chicken who lays golden eggs!" she projected telepathically.

(She doesn't have a mouth. Try to keep up.)

"But beware the ogre who guards the chicken!"

 

So Jack climbed the spleenstalk, and there was the chicken:

In a festive knit straitjacket.

 

Jack had just grabbed the bird when he heard a roar!

It was the ogre, Oh'Duh!

"Take the bird not you will!" Oh'Duh screeched.

 

Jack quickly fled down the spleenstalk, where his mother was waiting with a dump truck and a huge load:

...of dirt.

Before the ogre could follow, they knocked over the spleenstalk and buried it, trapping Oh'Duh in his cloud city.

With the money they made from the golden eggs, Jack and his mother were able to build a brand new home by the Phallic Fountain, complete with matching turrets.

(Those two really know how to use their heads.)

 

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well, OK, maybe not ALL of them.

 

Thanks to Amy, Giopi, Sarah J., Graham K., Sara E., moxie, Jenni Q., Shannon C., Becky C., Flowe L., Dani S., and Daniel C. for the fairy fail ending.

Thursday
Dec272012

No Business Like Snow Business

Christmas may be over, but winter is here to stay - or at least it is for you poor Northern schmoes. Me, I'm enjoying the 70 degree weather with all the windows open. (Yep, I'm going to be THAT GUY. Wanna see a photo of my feet in flip-flops? Huh? Do ya?)

Of course, all this Florida sunshine does mean I miss out on the best part of winter: building a snowman. So I guess I'll have to get my vicarious thrills through these bakers' versions:

Ah, it's the ol' Fez-wearing, Zuchinni-nosed, Oogie-Boogie model! (And judging by those "sprinkles," this Nightmare After Christmas has a cold. Yech.)

 

By the way, why do so many snowman cakes have feet? Am I missing something, or do the flotsam designers all live in Florida, too?

The Jumping Jack Flash.

 

Here's the number one reason yellow snowmen are a bad idea:

To say nothing of using "logs" for arms.

 

If I ever had the chance, I'd totally build this Stalker Snowman peeking over a hedge in the front yard:

I always feel like
Somebody's WATCHING mee-eee-eee!
AND I HAVE NO PRIVACY!
Oh-Whoah-Oh!

 

Or mabye this I Love Lucy Snowwoman:

All she's missing is a bottle of VitaMeataVegimen.

"Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Well, ARE YOU?!"

 

Hey, check it out: this guy's on a roll!

Not to mention the stuff that sticky nightmares are made of. o.0

 

I'd like to make it perfectly clear that this next cake is NOT a wreck, although it still makes me laugh every time I see it. It is, in fact, my favorite snowman cake of all time:

By Jason Boyce

You can almost see those stick hands patting around, looking for their head, right?

 

Well, enjoy your snowy fun, my friends, and maybe think of me and my flip-flops from time to time:

Or just Twizzlers between your toes. :D

 

Thanks to Linda B., Kristin F., Kathy H., Elizabeth C., Amy A., Holly M., Lisa C., & Stephanie R. for the frosted Frostys.