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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Oopsie (45)

Friday
Dec282012

Resolution Delusions

2012 is winding down, my friends, so it's time to start brainstorming all the resolutions we're going to commit to, post proudly on Facebook, and then quietly renege on by Valentines'. To not do so would be positively UNAMERICAN, so let's get started!

Just remember: The ol' "better diet and more exercise" routine is BO-RING. Nobody cares if you ever fit into your college jeans again, mkay? So why not give us something with a little more zip? A little more pizazz? A little more "yahoo and how?"

You know, like: 

 - Better bowel habits.

Or drinking less booze. Really, this cake works for both.

 

- Become a vegetarian

That's always a hip, happening kind of choice - unlike using the words "hip" and/or "happening." And if you need a little incentive:

Thaaaat oughta do it.

 (The baker sent this to me herself, btw, so don't think I'm being mean by leaving that watermark on. And yes, it's SUPPOSED to be bloody fried chicken. So speaking as someone who really likes fried chicken, I'd like to wish a pox on the house of Jen's Just Desserts - while fully realizing the overwhelming irony of the name.)

 

For a more intellectual New Year's goal, how about:

- Go to college

Clown college totally counts. Plus it's perfect for anyone who hates children*!

 

Here's one we can all aspire to: 

- Be more supportive of friends and loved ones:

'Nuff said.

 

Or, finally, in 2013:

- Don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

 After all, there's no shame in admitting when you're wrong.

There are, however, certain website audiences which will get a real kick out of it.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Jen R., Diana, Michelle B., & Sarah G. for the suggestions. Personally, I think I'm going with "play more video games" and "leave the house more." You, uh, don't suppose those two will interfere with each other, do you? o.0


*I say this as a former clown who does, in fact, have a strong dislike of children. (Hey, don't judge 'til you've seen a roving pack of unsupervised children descend upon a single clown bearing a bag of candy, ok? They're animals. ANIMALS, I tell you!)

Thursday
Aug092012

Cut, Print, That's A Wrap!

If you thought yesterday's picture-of-a-cake-on-a-cake was bad, then wait'll you get a papery bite of these

These are printed leopard-print fingerprint cupcakes, which makes about as much sense as a leopard having fingerprints, leaving them on cupcakes, and someone wanting to eat them.

Also, printing your leopard-print fingerprints is for cheetahs. Just sayin'.

 

Maybe that's not wrecky enough for you, though.
Maybe this blog has left you cynical and jaded.
In which case, A) we should totally hang out, and B) how about this?

Take a moment. Take it allll in. 

("Why, Y? Why, why, why??")

 

You know, since edible images really are the cheaters' way out (yeah, I SAID IT) I don't think it's too much to ask for Lazy McLazersins to know which way is UP on their big ol' cheat sheet cakes:

"Oooh, what a feeling! When you're holding up the ceiling!"

 

And what about this one?

It's like the choose-your-own-adventure of cake decals!

 At first I thought the bakery was supposed to just circle the right numbers - or maybe you do that yourself with a Sharpie at home? - but the spacing and orientation is all wrong. Then I saw this one from another store, and I finally realized:  

...that sheet is meant to be cut up, so each number and phrase can be placed individually. But instead, bakeries are just cramming the entire master sheet on the cakes. 


The bakeries of America, everybody! Take a bow!

 

I'm not sure that's enough paper on our cakes, though. Really, bakers, don't you think you should be gift-wrapping the entire cake with the stuff?

Oh, you already are?

My bad.

 

Still, call me old-fashioned, but I think edible images should be used the way Wilton intended: to stick our friends' faces on male stripper torsos.

(If you want nightmares, just try to imagine it without the paper face.)

 Hey, at least the leopard print undies aren't printed!

 

Thanks to Jennifer T., Jessica C., Jennifer J., Heather D., Ashley M., Shelley T., & Carrie C. for reminding me of that time I got a paper cut on my tongue. Plus that other time I dreamed the gingerbread man from Shrek had abs and two nipple rings.