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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (140)

Wednesday
Feb082017

Visual Birth Control

I think I finally figured it out, you guys:

BAKERS WANT US TO STOP HAVING BABIES.

How else do you explain the continuing popularity of chopped up baby halves, despite my many and well-reasoned protests?

(This is from a shop display window. Just once I want to see that ridiculous little drapey bit propped up with a spinal cord sticking out. JUST ONCE.)

And why else do bakers insist on making the most nightmarish pregnant torsos imaginable, which they know the laws of polite manners will force us to eat?

"No, no, YOU make the first cut. We'll just be right over here...across the street."

 

And as if the protruding feet and hands weren't enought, then they go and stick plastic baby dolls inside the limbless torso's cakey love tunnels, because this is EXACTLY the visual you want right before chowing down on tiny sandwiches and fruit punch: 

 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE! 

Now, who wants to lick the love tunnel frosting off the newborn?

 

Ah, but you know what? Licking the newborn isn't enough - no sir! 

We need to CARVE UP THE NEWBORN and EAT HIM!

"Slice off the head first, would you? I could swear it's looking at me."

Speaking of which, there's a .gif going around this week of one of the more realistic baby cakes I've featured having its head sliced open. It's more than a little disturbing, as anyone who pauses to think past the initial "Oh what a cute idea!" of the baby cake can no doubt imagine.

Still, what if bakers showed that .gif to every customer trying to order a baby cake? Why, I bet the world would be a slightly more wreck-less place!

Or we'd just give those people more ideas.

"Ok, ok, I've got it. What we need are... BITE-SIZED babies!"

 

 Yeah, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Jenny Lee, Mary V., Ann Marie G., Keith & Lorraine C., & Heather G., who all have names that rhyme! Woohoo! (Life's more fun when you're easily amused. Or rockin' a wicked sugar high. Or both!)

*****

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Wednesday
Sep282016

You Might Be A Wreckerator If...

Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?

Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:

 

You Might Be A Wreckerator If....

- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.

 

- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.

 

- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.

"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."

 

- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."

 

- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."

 

 

 - ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:

 

- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.

 

- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:

 

And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...

...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.

 

Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.