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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (136)

Wednesday
Aug032016

The Incredible, Non-Edible, Plastic Clown Head

It's time to talk about the most versatile tool in a baker's cake-decorating arsenal:

The plastic clown head.

 

Devotees of the Wilton brand know this staple of cakey flotsam has a long and colorful history:

A history made even more colorful when the clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose.

 

(So, in his defense, this clown's poop really does smell like roses.)

Over the years, the plastic clown heads have really gotten around:

 

And around...

 

And...around:

After all, they were so darn versatile!

 

I mean, what better way to perk up your flowers?

 

Or add a lively accent to that jungle theme?

Think of it as Bozo's version of Easter Island.

In fact, this time honored tradition continues today, only with slightly more modern sensibilities:
Death becomes him.

And the sprinkles aren't bad, either.

 

Yep, you could say today's Wreckerator knows just how to take these classic tools of the trade and use them to their fullest and most meaningful...uh...

I'm sorry, but do these uteri look funny to you?

Hey! Guys! What are you doing here? Your post was back here!

 

Ovary funny: don't try cramping my style, funny guys. I know a fellow peon's pro creation when I see one, period.

 

Many thanks to wreckporters Katie C., C.B., Hannah C., Penny H., Roisin O., Erica H., Meaghan W., & Melissa M., who think you should really read that last line out loud. Just...'cuz.

*****

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Wednesday
Mar302016

The Secret's Out

Sometimes when I tell people that John and I have been married for 17 years now, they exclaim in shock, "What, did you get married when you were twelve?!" And then we laugh and laugh until I wake up and cry a little.

The times I'm not dreaming, though, people sometimes ask what our "secret" is.  I assume they mean the secret to a happy marriage, and not that thing that happened at the fair, because how would they know about that?

So. The secret to a happy marriage?

 

ROMANTICAL TYPE WORDS AND STUFF.

Yep, nothing bolsters a relationship more than eloquently whispered...um...whispers of affection. 

And stuff.

 

 

What's more, this kind of mushiness isn't just for your weeding day!

 

 

Now, admittedly, John is a lot better at this than I am, but I've learned to follow his lead and try to say something romantical every single day.

 

 

I know it can be hard for you naturally romantic chatterboxes to understand us more silent and stoic types, but the truth is sometimes we just don't know how to express what we're feeling.

And other times you'll have to cut us a little slack because, hey, at least we're trying.

 

 [creepy grin] Aheheheheh. PREEETTY.

 

But really, I can't stress this one point enough:

 

ROMANTICAL.

 

And if you want to keep your spouse on his or her toes, try celebrating your next anniversary like this:

 Not that *I* would ever do such a thing, of course. No, I prefer to write John heartfelt missives of the feelings my heart feels. Kind of like this bakery's delivery box:

[turning on slow, sultry beat] 

[grabbing mic] 

[talking over doo-wop back-up singers]

 John, sweetie? There is no need reason. [draping self over piano] You fall - you FALL! - in love with my freedom. [raising roof]  HEE-HEE! So open that window, baby - yes, OPEN IT! So that the soul of my soul and your soul and our souls - oh yes - [sliding to front of stage on knees] embracing you. [biting lip] Unnng. Yeah, boy. UH.

 


Thanks to Judie V.,  Melanie S., Anony M., Whitney B., Heather R.,  Stephanie & Aaron, Anony M., & Melinda H., for helping me express myself. Like to enjoy the heart was affected, guys. LIKE TO ENJOY.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.