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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (143)

Thursday
Aug032017

Somewhere In Germany...

"Tyler! Stop hitting your sister. Oh, look, hun! A bakery with an outdoor cafe! Let's stop in and get a treat for the kids. Whaddya say, Madison? Sound good?

"Oooh, wow, it all looks good! So hard to decide. Well, I think I'll get a couple of the chocolate donuts for the kids... Oh! And I'll have some of that cherry cheesecake. Yummy... hm? What's that, hun? Oh, ok. ...And my wife would like a big ol' slice of the dong cake, please!"

 

"Tyler! Get your face off the glass!"

Ah, Europe! You're so... European.

 

Thanks to Andrea G. (And yes, the smiley face really did have to be that big.)

UPDATE:

Originally I told you guys to just e-mail me if you wanted to see the uncensored cake, and then I'd have John e-mail it to you individually. Hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds) of e-mailed dong cakes later, and John's thrown in the towel. So here. The uncensored dong cake. Enjoy. You dirty, dirty cake lovers, you. (We should do lunch!)

*****

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Wednesday
Feb082017

Visual Birth Control

I think I finally figured it out, you guys:

BAKERS WANT US TO STOP HAVING BABIES.

How else do you explain the continuing popularity of chopped up baby halves, despite my many and well-reasoned protests?

(This is from a shop display window. Just once I want to see that ridiculous little drapey bit propped up with a spinal cord sticking out. JUST ONCE.)

And why else do bakers insist on making the most nightmarish pregnant torsos imaginable, which they know the laws of polite manners will force us to eat?

"No, no, YOU make the first cut. We'll just be right over here...across the street."

 

And as if the protruding feet and hands weren't enought, then they go and stick plastic baby dolls inside the limbless torso's cakey love tunnels, because this is EXACTLY the visual you want right before chowing down on tiny sandwiches and fruit punch: 

 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE! 

Now, who wants to lick the love tunnel frosting off the newborn?

 

Ah, but you know what? Licking the newborn isn't enough - no sir! 

We need to CARVE UP THE NEWBORN and EAT HIM!

"Slice off the head first, would you? I could swear it's looking at me."

Speaking of which, there's a .gif going around this week of one of the more realistic baby cakes I've featured having its head sliced open. It's more than a little disturbing, as anyone who pauses to think past the initial "Oh what a cute idea!" of the baby cake can no doubt imagine.

Still, what if bakers showed that .gif to every customer trying to order a baby cake? Why, I bet the world would be a slightly more wreck-less place!

Or we'd just give those people more ideas.

"Ok, ok, I've got it. What we need are... BITE-SIZED babies!"

 

 Yeah, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Jenny Lee, Mary V., Ann Marie G., Keith & Lorraine C., & Heather G., who all have names that rhyme! Woohoo! (Life's more fun when you're easily amused. Or rockin' a wicked sugar high. Or both!)

*****

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