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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (130)

Thursday
Apr182013

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Baby Shower Cakes

 

Let's be honest, ladies: baby showers tend to turn us into cooing idiots. Suddenly EVERYTHING is "precious," and we find ourselves oohing and aahing over things like diaper cakes (two words that should NEVER be used together, btw) and nightmare-inducing sonogram pictures that by rights should have us calling for an old priest and a young priest.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cute mandate, though; some fight back with the most graphic, crass, and undeniably hilarious shower cakes this side of the "Here I Come!" C-section cake.

 

  Now there's a fresh slice of reality for you: Even the tiny elf baby has soiled himself.

 

I'm the kind of person who gets way too distracted wondering if this was actually news to the person who got the cake - and if so, HOW. Seriously, think about it. 

Ok, you can stop thinking about it now.

 No, really. Stop. We have more cakes to look at!

 

Tired of all the cutesy euphemisms for birth? Then let's get physiological, baby!

 Say what you want, but this is STILL less icky than a torso cake.

 

Speaking of which, nothing screams "snack time" like a naked woman mid-birth, amirite?

I still feel partially responsible for these things; I posted The First Censored Cake Wreck a few years back, and then, bam! Suddenly these "push" cakes are EVERYWHERE.

 

And as if that's not bad enough, this baker decided I just don't have enough trauma associated with beloved childhood characters:

NO, CAT IN THE HAT, NOOOOOO!

I've never once wondered what a blow-up doll giving birth would look like, but now I know anyway. THANKS, BAKER. (I also started to wonder what kind of obscene Suessian rhymes she would spout out, and things quickly went from "disturbing" to "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THERAPY.")

 Maybe we should just go back to sperm cakes.

 But supposing you want a sperm cake that's also adorable? What then?

Admit it: at first you were all, "Whatever, Jen, you're just messing with us." But then you were all, "Omigosh that is totally an adorable sperm cake." Right? Right?

 

And if you'd like some cupcakes to go with the adorable bow-tied sperm cake:

Oops. Ok, now we're back to creepy.

 

That was a good run, though. Yep. Remember that cute sperm cake? Yeah. Good times.


 Hey, ever wonder what the most intensely awkward inscription for a baby shower cake could be? Yes? (Me, too!!)

 Well, WONDER NO MORE:

 

No, please, DO GO ON.

I desperately want this to be Part One of the shower desserts, you guys. And then this would be Part Two:

 

 [Psycho Shower Music]

 BWHAHAHAHAA!!

Sorry, sorry; I'm just imagining your reaction over here, and it. is. priceless. Did you notice the chocolate sprinkles up there? Did you?

 

I can't just leave you with that image, though, so allow me to present what I think should immediately become the new gold standard in baby shower congratulations:

 And I thought "handmade" was impressive.

 
Thanks to Maggie S., Jennifer A., Robyn H., Sara R., Katie S., Anony M., Deborah C., Cindy R., Libbie A., & Rachel C. for the inspiration. Assuming you never want to host a baby shower again, of course.

Thursday
Apr112013

MANLY MEN Cakes

Is your guy a real "man's man?" Does he enjoy grunting, beer-can-crushing, and flexing?

THEN DO I HAVE THE CAKES FOR YOU!

 

Remember, pretty colors are for GIRLS. Singed poop and "I love hunting" flotsam is for MEN.

HOOAW!

 

And you know what else is manly? 

DEAD ANIMALS.

Make it a bloody action tableau for that extra festive touch!

 

Oh, and MANLY MEN may only express affection for other MANLY MEN through poorly spelled insults:

 

Translation: "I value your friendship and enjoy our long talks and emotionally validating back-slapping sessions."

(I'd tell you how they say "I love you," but there are innocents present.)

 

MANLY MEN also love the bewbies:

... or the butts.

(It's like a dirty optical illusion: WHICH SIDE AM I LOOKING AT?)

 

And MANLY MEN ride big ol' manly motorcycles:

Vroom vroom!

 

... and chug smeary bottles of manly booze for breakfast:

MANLY.

 

But most importantly, MANLY MEN are always - ALWAYS - happy to let their kids choose their birthday cakes:

D'awwww.

 (Although it gets less cute when you realize those blobby things are supposed to be hearts. o.0)

 

Thanks to Julia K., Katherine H., Meredith, Anony M., Monica F., Anony M., & Marianne for joining me in a rousing rendition of "Men In Tights." All together, now, ladies!

We're men! {MANLY MEN!} We're men in tights! {TIGHT TIGHTS!]

Ok, girls, that should be stuck in everyone's heads now for the rest of the day. OUR WORK HERE IS DONE.