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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (133)

Monday
Apr202009

Return of the Belly Cake

So tell me, how long's it been since you stared at a pregnant woman's naked belly?

Wow, that long? Well, have no fear! As long as belly cakes are made, I promise to never let you forget what a pregnant woman's torso looks like. Or at least a fondant-covered version of one, anyway. Consider it my personal Cake Wrecks guarantee to you.

You're welcome.

Now, you would be forgiven for seeing a bald Ziggy doll in a bib here at first. (I know I sure did.) After all, I don't think I've ever featured a belly cake with the oh-so-authentic "belly line" before.

Speaking of which: When I first saw this cake I had no idea what that line was or why it was there, since I've never been pregnant. So I mentioned it to a then-pregnant friend. My friend was quite helpful and, despite my protests, insisted on whipping up her dress to show me the line on her own belly. Which was...unexpected. Kelly R., I have you to thank for that bit of enlightenment. So thanks. Really.

I used to think that part of the belly cake's creepiness was due to its having no head. Then Melody W. sent this in:


And I totally changed my mind.

By the way, I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well... belly button before. It totally looks like a tufted pillow. Or maybe the end of a giant hot dog. [head tilt] Ok, yeah: let's stick with "pillow."

You know what these belly cakes are missing, though? No, no, besides that. Sex appeal, that's what. Totally. Tune in tomorrow for a few spicy numbers that you are sure to remember far, far into the future. Like, deathbed future, even. (I'm trying to ramp up your sense of anticipation. Is it working?)

Wednesday
Feb252009

Kids These Days

"They just grow up so fast." [wiping away tear]

"I mean, first Holly was asking for thongs for her 8th birthday, and now her very own Playboy-themed party at 12. Wow. Can you believe it? I'm just so...so... proud.

[blowing nose] "I mean, every parent wants her little girl to grow up dreaming big dreams, padding her trainer bra, and looking to attract men as a means of personal validation, but to see it actually happening...[sniffle] I'm sorry, it's just a dream come true. Why, in another 6 years she could even be on The Girls Next Door - not that I want to get her hopes up too much, of course; there's no telling how much longer Heff's gonna be around, after all.

"I know, right? It IS unbelievable. You know, the Smiths over there made their Jenny wait until she was sixteen to have her playmate party. Isn't that awful?


"I mean, geez, how stifling can some parents get? Although, to be fair, I hear they had a great pole-dancing instructor come in for the girls. In fact, I need to get that number for Holly's party, if you'll excuse me..."

Now, Karen P. & Sarah G., remember to keep everything in perspective: these cakes still aren't as bad as this one.

UPDATE: Apparently the prosti-tot pole-dancing class includes an age-inappropriate audience. Check it out, and don't miss all the priceless expressions on the kids in the crowd!