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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (130)

Wednesday
Jan162013

Heeeey Sexah LAY-DAY

Don't worry, this isn't going to be another Gangnam Style parody. Promise. It's just that every time I see one of those "baby bump" limbless torso cakes trying so desperately to be sexy, that's all I hear in my head:

 

"HEEEEEY SEXAH LAY-DAY!"

 

Plus now I can't stop picturing Psy screaming at all the fondant boobies:

I feel ya, man.

But enough about me. Let's talk about why so many women enjoy displaying edible effigies of their nearly naked torsos for a bunch of other women while celebrating the imminent expulsion of a human being from their bodies.

(When you put it like that, it's kind of messed up, right?)

And while I'll never think pregnant torso cakes are a good idea, at least the ones wearing clothing are a little LESS tacky. The "sexy" ones just make me wonder: who gets all hot and bothered looking at a dismembered pregnant torso?

Before you get too turned on, you should know that the fetus with the unnaturally long spaghetti leg is watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

That one's not really showing enough skin, though, is it? And don't you think it needs a nice heavy spray tan, too?

   

Muuuuch better. We'll all be revisiting breakfast in NO time.

 (If you look at that just right, you'll see a jowly guy in an aviator cap whistling Dixie around a mouth full of feet. Just sayin'.)

 

Hey ladies, you know how sometimes we get that little bead of sweat betwixt our womanly bazooms? And you know how the sight of it on other women make you, like, totally hungry?

Mmmm. Sweaty bazoom valley.

(Also, if that lady is pregnant, then I must be expecting twins.)

 

If I still haven't convinced you that "sexy" torso cakes are a bad idea, though, then let me leave you with this little window into the future:

 Peek-a-boo!  SEE YOU REAL SOON.

 

Thanks to Cyndi P., Matt R., Anony M., Kate C., Jason S., & Vicki K. for the sexy, sexy nightmare fuel. 

Friday
Jan112013

Visual Birth Control

I think I finally figured it out, you guys:

BAKERS WANT US TO STOP HAVING BABIES.

How else do you explain the continuing popularity of chopped up baby halves, despite my many and well-reasoned protests?

(This is from a shop display window. Just once I want to see that ridiculous little drapey bit propped up with a spinal cord sticking out. JUST ONCE.)

And why else do bakers insist on making the most nightmarish pregnant torsos imaginable, which they know the laws of polite manners will force us to eat?

"No, no, YOU make the first cut. We'll just be right over here...across the street."

 

And as if the protruding feet and hands weren't enought, then they go and stick plastic baby dolls inside the limbless torso's cakey love tunnels, because this is EXACTLY the visual you want right before chowing down on tiny sandwiches and fruit punch:

 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE! 

Now, who wants to lick the love tunnel frosting off the newborn?

 

Ah, but you know what? Licking the newborn isn't enough - no sir! 

We need to CARVE UP THE NEWBORN and EAT HIM!

"Slice off the head first, would you? I could swear it's looking at me."

Speaking of which, there's a .gif going around this week of one of the more realistic baby cakes I've featured having its head sliced open. It's more than a little disturbing, as anyone who pauses to think past the initial "Oh what a cute idea!" of the baby cake can no doubt imagine.

Still, what if bakers showed that .gif to every customer trying to order a baby cake? Why, I bet the world would be a slightly more wreck-less place!

Or we'd just give those people more ideas.

"Ok, ok, I've got it. What we need are... BITE-SIZED babies!"

 

 Yeah, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Jenny Lee, Mary V., Ann Marie G., Keith & Lorraine C., & Heather G., who all have names that rhyme! Woohoo! (Life's more fun when you're easily amused. Or rockin' a wicked sugar high. Or both!)