You Might Be A Wreckerator If...

Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?

Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:

You Might Be A Wreckerator If....

- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.

- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.

- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.

"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."

- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."

- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."

- ...you like to watch CSI for the design inspiration.

 - ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:

- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.

- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:

And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...

...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.

(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)

Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Joshua S., Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.

So what'd I miss, guys? Share your favorite "you might be a wreckerator if..." in the comments, and maybe I'll pick some to feature in a future post. You know, if they're funny. Or say nice things about me. I'm also not above bribery. And I like Whoopie Pies. (Mmmmm, whoooopie piiiiies...)

Bake Me A Date!

Note: Today's post contains a plethora of vaguely naughty innuendoes, plus at least one "outyourendo."  Please parent accordingly.

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Dear HoneyPie3551

I saw your profile on the "Bake Me a Date" website and wanted to contact you. You sound pretty sweet, and I'd love to sugar you up by taking you to dinner. Please let me know if you are interested, and I will preserve us a table. (I switched the word "reserve" with "preserve" because I use raspberry preserves in my cookies. And I'm not so good at wordplay. Please write back.)

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

PS- Here's a picture of me with my shirt off. (This is definitely NOT a photo I found on the internet.) Notice how big my muscles are.

 

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Hi BearClaw993,

Thanks for writing. I like what I see. :)

I really knead a big strong man around the house. Let's have dinner, and then maybe you can let me lick your beaters, if you know what I mean.

- HoneyPie3551

PS - I've also attached a photo. And don't worry; Chad means nothing to me now.

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Hey HoneyPie3551,

Yes, I think I know what you mean. I sure would like to melt you in a double boiler, if you know what I mean. No wait, I want to moisten your meringue? Ugh, I can do this. I want to gently fold in your egg whites.

-BearClaw993

PS- In case you didn't see them the first time, I've attached another photo of my awesome muscles.

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BearClaw993,

Ooo, you really know how to stretch my strudel. I can't wait to press your waffle cone.

And you'd better be good, or I might have to whip your cream.

- HoneyPie3551

 

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HoneyPie3551,

Let's meet tonight and I can frost your cupcakes, and by that I mean I'd like to pre-heat your oven, and by that I mean I'm going to grease your muffin pan.

Something something ladyfingers.

-BearClaw993

 

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Dear BearClaw993,

I knead to apologize for leaving our date so abruptly. Maybe we can try again in the future when you can get your dough to rise.

Batter luck next time,

HoneyPie3551

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HoneyPie3551,

 

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

Thanks to Lucy, Jenny W., Noreen R., Anony M., Whitney B., & Nthom for the hot stuff. And by hot stuff, I mean hot messes.