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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Questionable Taste (129)

Wednesday
Nov282012

Improper Grooming 

Grooms-to-be, we need to talk.

Your future wife has probably been planning her dream wedding since puberty. So your job is to pick a groom's cake that shows you gave this one small decision more than 5 minutes' thought with a Magic 8 Ball while you waited for Halo to load.

So. A few tips:

 

- Don't give your infantile friends the chance to make "Big Melon" jokes: 

Because you know they will, and probably to your future mother-in-law.

(You might avoid this situation by printing out a simple reference guide for your baker:

 

- While we're at it, don't give your friends any openings for "limp hose" jokes, either.

 They'll probably save those for their toasts. 

 

- There is no place for entrails at a wedding. Ever.

Trust me, the bride will hate your guts. 

 

- Do not, under any circumstances, insinuate your bride is a female dog.

Not cool, man. Not cool.

 

- Also avoid any implication that you're having a shotgun wedding...

(...and that multiple shots were required)

 

...or that you were a sitting duck.

(That is a cake, right? The masterful camouflage is making it so hard to see!)

 

- And finally, never, EVER, give your friends and family a reason to think your marriage might go down the crapper:

 

 

Thanks to Todd Kim, Anon M., Katie L., Allison, Anna C., Anon., and Solli S. for joining me in a rousing rendition of "Here Comes the Snide."

Friday
Nov022012

"Takes Direction Well"

Ever feel like you've lost your direction in life? 

Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly through bakery aisles and back alley icing parlors*?

* I don't actually know if back alley icing parlors exist, but a girl can dream.

Are you stuck in the hangar bay of life, waiting for the pod bay doors of opportunity to open up and spit you out into the sucking black void of PURPOSE?

If the answer is yes, maybe, or "huh?", then have I got the job for you!

That's right, my friends, the time has never been riper to be a Wreckerator! Or a person who likes to mix metaphors badly, like a withered, overripe tree in space. 

But let's focus on the wrecking thing for now, shall we?

We're looking for a few good pairs of hands (preferably attached to still-functioning torsos) that can follow directions TO THE LETTER.

And by "we" I mean "me."

And if you see something grammatically wrong with that statement, then I'm afraid you're already disqualified. Kindly collect your complimentary "Prefessional Baker" buttons at the door and show yourselves out.

Now, for the rest of you, just LOOK at all the exciting things your future could have in store!

The glamor! The excitement! The satisfaction of giving a customer EXACTLY what they ask for!

 

But the REAL cherry on top? Someday you, too, could write, "cherry on top" on one of your orders!

Consider this something to work toward.


Now, who here failed Biology?

Ah, excellent! 

Because next up: baby shower cakes.

 

Thanks to Inge D., Stephanie S., Emily S., Stephanie H., & Sargam M. for being the wind beneath my leaves. Except there's no wind...IN SPACE.