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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wedding Wrecks (56)

Wednesday
Jun152016

A Cake Wrecks Guide For Nervous Brides

Every time we publish wedding wrecks, we get comments from worried brides afraid their cake will be the next one featured on Cake Wrecks. This is both understandable and terribly selfish, since the rest of us depend on your misfortune for our daily chuckles. HAVE YOU NO HEART?

Ok, ok, fine. I guess I can spare a few pointers.

 

1) Check your baker's previous work.

Remember, you want a cake pretty enough to move your guests to tears:

...not tiers that move themselves.

Also, let's save the Reddi-Wip for the wedding night, mkay?

 

And the condoms, too.

 

2) Pick a design that isn't too complicated.

For example: "Fuzzy yellow caterpillars, pink sea anemones, and eyeballs"

...is too complicated.

 

On the other hand, bright colors, black vines and listless despair are perfect:

...for arranged marriages in bad gothic romance novels.

So unless your wicked guardian is forcing you to marry a man you don't love so they can bilk you out of a fortune you never knew you had whilst the wind howls mournfully across the tempestuous moors, I'd suggest something a tad more cheerful.

But not this cheerful.

 

3) And finally, make sure your design is appetizing.

After all, no one is going to want to eat a cake that looks like you used it to juice Cookie Monster.

(Ewwww.)

 

Thanks to Holly J., Lorie B., Ben C., Olivia X., and Arielle C. who are probably wondering if that last cake tastes like cookies or sweaty fur. (And if they weren't, I bet they are noo-ooow!)

 

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Hey brides! Use this handy printable checklist to make planning easier!

☐ Well-made.
☐ Contraceptive free.
☐ No eyeballs.
☐ No tempestuous moors.
☐ No dead Muppets.
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*****

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Tuesday
May172016

All Hands On Wreck: Pirate Ship Wedding Cake A Sight For Sore "Ayes"

Today's bride had an interesting request for her wedding: she wanted a pirate ship for the cake.

The baker was totally onboard, though, [snerk] and even sent over this inspiration picture so the bride would know what to expect on her Big Day.

You're seeing it now, right? All white, roses... I'll be darned if this isn't pretty elegant!

 

Ahh, but trim the sails and lash the rigging, ye scurvy dawgs, 'cuz here comes the actual wedding cake our anonymous bride got instead:

OH SHIP

Now that's a cake for private tears.

(Privateers? Eh? EH?)

You know, I could almost forgive the general fold-out-sofa-bed-on-blue-shag-carpet vibe going on here, but I cannot - CANNOT - get past those hysterical little "sails." Seriously. The longer you look at them, the funnier it gets. Like a hippo using a moist towelette square to preserve her modesty.

And that mental image you're having right now? Still not as funny as those sails.

 

Thanks to my anonymous bride minion, who I'm pretty sure is why the rum is gone. But hey, who could blame her?

*****

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