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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wedding Wrecks (39)

Wednesday
Nov282012

Improper Grooming 

Grooms-to-be, we need to talk.

Your future wife has probably been planning her dream wedding since puberty. So your job is to pick a groom's cake that shows you gave this one small decision more than 5 minutes' thought with a Magic 8 Ball while you waited for Halo to load.

So. A few tips:

 

- Don't give your infantile friends the chance to make "Big Melon" jokes: 

Because you know they will, and probably to your future mother-in-law.

(You might avoid this situation by printing out a simple reference guide for your baker:

 

- While we're at it, don't give your friends any openings for "limp hose" jokes, either.

 They'll probably save those for their toasts. 

 

- There is no place for entrails at a wedding. Ever.

Trust me, the bride will hate your guts. 

 

- Do not, under any circumstances, insinuate your bride is a female dog.

Not cool, man. Not cool.

 

- Also avoid any implication that you're having a shotgun wedding...

(...and that multiple shots were required)

 

...or that you were a sitting duck.

(That is a cake, right? The masterful camouflage is making it so hard to see!)

 

- And finally, never, EVER, give your friends and family a reason to think your marriage might go down the crapper:

 

 

Thanks to Todd Kim, Anon M., Katie L., Allison, Anna C., Anon., and Solli S. for joining me in a rousing rendition of "Here Comes the Snide."

Thursday
Oct182012

Bakin' Memories

So, you're getting married! Good work.

Now, the first thing you have to ask yourselves is this: "How do we make our cake memorable?"

And not just the "oh-that-was-such-a-pretty-cake" kind of memorable, either; I'm talking the "CALL-EVERYONE-WE-KNOW-AND-ALERT-THE-MEDIA" kind of memorable. 

Allow me to offer a couple suggestions.

 

- You could dance on the head of Cousin Itt: 

Or possibly a large hay stack.

 

- You could plaster a plaster cast of yourselves tongue-kissing on top of a badly-glued-together pair of sheet cakes:

(Hey, baker, that seam in the middle? SmoooOOooooth.)

 

Oh, and just to nip an impending Epcot in the bud, here's the uncropped version of Cousin It:

How much you wanna bet the guests were asking what a haystack had to do with all those pictures of mountains? :D

  

Thanks to Kate V. & Sten W. for the memories.

Note from john: I had to take down one of the cakes.  It was horrible but not professional.  Bummer.