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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wedding Wrecks (42)

Wednesday
Sep262012

A Cake Wrecks Guide For Nervous Brides

Every time we publish wedding wrecks, we get comments from worried brides afraid their cake will be the next one featured on Cake Wrecks. This is both understandable and terribly selfish, since the rest of us depend on your misfortune for our daily chuckles. HAVE YOU NO HEART?

Ok, ok, fine. I guess I can spare a few pointers.

1) Check your baker's previous work.

Remember, you want a cake pretty enough to move your guests to tears:

...not tiers that move themselves.

Also, let's save the Reddi-Wip for the wedding night, mkay?

 

And the condoms, too.

 

2) Pick a design that isn't too complicated.

For example: "Fuzzy yellow caterpillars, pink sea anemones, and eyeballs"

...is too complicated.

 

On the other hand, bright colors, black vines and listless despair are perfect:

...for arranged marriages in bad gothic romance novels.

So unless your wicked guardian is forcing you to marry a man you don't love so they can bilk you out of a fortune you never knew you had whilst the wind howls mournfully across the tempestuous moors, I'd suggest something a tad more cheerful.

But not this cheerful.

 

3) And finally, make sure your design is appetizing.

After all, no one is going to want to eat a cake that looks like you used it to juice Cookie Monster.

(Ewwww.)

 

Thanks to Holly J., Lorie B., Ben C., Olivia X., and Arielle C. who are probably wondering if that last cake tastes like cookies or sweaty fur. (And if they weren't, I bet they are noo-ooow!)

 

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Hey brides! Use this handy printable checklist to make planning easier!

☐ Well-made.
☐ Contraceptive free.
☐ No eyeballs.
☐ No tempestuous moors.
☐ No dead Muppets.
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Wednesday
Aug222012

Doilies and Squiggles and Spray Paint, Oh My!

It's time again for everyone's favorite:  WEDDING WRECKS!

(Well, everyone but the bride.)

(And possibly the baker who may or may not have been assaulted by the aforementioned bride)

 

What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

 

Hey, Jen has a dummy cake in her office this exact shade of Wilton Spray-On Blue!

Proof:

Don't ask.

(Or do; Jen's rather proud of it.)

 Moving on...

 

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

I like to imagine a bakery order sheet somewhere with the words, "Pink, brown, and squiggly" all checked off.

 

(Btw, "Pink, brown, & squiggly" is the name of my topless Vegas act.)

 

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

To be fair, it's probably just the lighting.  Really, really bad lighting.  Like hospital lighting.  Or maybe morgue lighting. Heck, I bet every body looks like this in a morgue.

 [Later that day:

 "John, why do we have 300 emails from morticians?!"]

 

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

  When only the best will do: Doilies.

 

Thanks to P. C., Jenni S., Brett R., Esther G., and Jen for keeping the baby cake locked in the closet and away from the knives...