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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wedding Wrecks (46)

Wednesday
Feb182015

Stairway to Heaven

I have to be honest: I've never really understood the whole wedding-cake-plastic-staircase thing. I mean, who first decided the wedding figurines might need to take a stroll down to one of the side cakes?

Not to mention this looks more like a video game level than a wedding cake.

"Ok, what you have to do is, hop over the leaf-shrooms, collect the heart rings, and then duke it out with the Moopa-Moosers down at the bottom. Oh, and watch out for the barrels."

 

Then, after providing this thoughtful pathway, the decorators go and make it completely inaccessible!

How are they supposed to get down there?

 

Or battle their way through all that foliage?

 

Granted, I can't think of a better place to put your plastic deer collection.

 

Of course, it goes without saying that all this extra height means you have to put a clear plastic light-up fountain under the cake. (Don't bother questioning it. You just have to.)

Mmm. Drippy.

 

You know what, though? These cakes still don't have enough going on. What do you say in addition to the stairs, tiers, figurines, and light-up fountain, we cover everything in Louis Vuitton?

Ah, rampant materialism climbs to new heights. I like it.

 

But it's STILL not enough. Can we get a few dozen miniature bridal party dolls, a Barbie cake, a few bolts of tulle, and the Amazon rain forest in here now, guys?

No, no, don't take away the stairs, fountain, or multiple topper figurines; we need those.

***

All set? Alrighty, let's take a look.

YES!! BEHOLD MY CREATION!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!

 

Hey, Rafael S., Genevieve F., April L., Anony M., Marla B., & Elle J., you must admit: this thing is so gosh-darn tacky it's almost kind of awesome.

Or...not.

*****

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Thursday
Feb052015

7 Painfully Obvious Ways To Avoid A Wedding Wreck

You'd think everyone would know this stuff, but... nope.

 

- Try to Spell It Right

Do tell.

 

- Don't Use A Fork To Smooth Out The Icing

I'm as surprised as anyone that didn't work.

 

- Do NOT Put Bloody Antlers On It

Believe you me, I know how tempting it is. But don't.

(And to everyone saying, "But, Jen, those are just on the groom's cake right NEXT to the wedding cake, NOT the wedding cake itself, which is totally different." - This is me, shaking my head at you.)


- Don't Tint The Water In The Little Fountain Under The Cake Yellow

'Cuz then you KNOW "urine trouble."

 

- Stop Putting Muddy Toy Trucks On Your Wedding Cake

Just stop.

 

- Try To Avoid Any Obvious Metaphors For Your New Life Together

o.0

 

- And finally, brides, please don't jam a life-sized plastic mannequin of yourself on the cake

It's creepy, and trust me, no one wants a visual of the bride squatting over dessert.

 

Thanks to Linda G., Kay S., Kristy H., Meghan M., Kelly B., Diana G., & Brenda T. for the following important reminder:

DON'T BLINK.

 

*****

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