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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wedding Wrecks (106)

Wednesday
Jan312018

Throw The Bouquet (Away)

I can't tell you how many wedding Wrecks I've seen salvaged with nothing more than a few well-placed bunches of fresh flowers.

These...are not those saves.

Believe it or not, that's a 3-tiered cake. See how effectively the gigantic seed pods hide the flaws in the top tier? They ran out for the bottom two, though, and were forced to randomly spill stuff on the table cloth to help "distract the eye." Cocoa powder or dirt? That is the question.

 

Other questions come to mind here, however:

Questions like: "Why?" and, "Why?" and, "For the love of pretty pastry platters, WHY?!?"

 

Since fresh flowers do have the nasty tendency of dying, though, I bet some of you are asking why bakers don't just use fake ones.

I will answer your question [dramatic pause]...with another question:

Ever contemplate sucking icing off a fabric leaf?

(Don't worry, this was not a wedding cake. It was a 20th wedding anniversary cake. Which, you know, makes it all better.)

Still, at least you can always count on silk flowers to be dust-free, hygienic, and easy to sanitize. That's why it's OK to just jam them all in the icing:

[blink blink]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA HOOHAA HEEHAHAH!

[wiping eyes] Dust free! Heehee! Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

 

You know, Amy, Kasey R., & Anony M., I give "deadpan" a good name. I call it "Fuzzywuzzkins."

*****

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Wednesday
Jan242018

Brides Tell All!

Ah, wedding wrecks. Like a good movie, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry, and sometimes, they can make you run screaming for small claims court.  

So.

Bride-to-be Beverly ordered this wedding cake from her bakery's catalog:

She writes,
"I asked if it was possible to do a dark blue layer as well, and I was assured it was possible and it would look fine."

See, there's your first red flag, Bev. Dark blue and moss green will never look fine together, and anyone who tells you otherwise IS LYING. Or possibly color blind.

"My mom went to pick up the cake and threw a fit. Granted, she didn’t know what it was supposed to look like but she assures me it was much worse, so she made them redo it."

Ah, so they fixed it? Hey, good for them!

Wait, you said "redo," not "fix," didn't you? Ah. Still, how bad could it be?

Why do I even ask anymore.
I mean, really.

...

Next up, Jamie writes:

"I gave our bakery this picture with instructions that I wanted our cake to look just like the top tier - smooth sides, our monogram, and instead of the piping on the bottom, a simple purple ribbon."

That may be the easiest request I've ever heard. Seriously. There's no way a pro baker could mess that up.

Literally, no way.

Literally.

NO WAY.

...

And finally, Carolyn writes:

"Basically, I just wanted the top 3 layers like the cake below in white, with red ribbons and a matching red sash. The flowers were going to be white, with a red and yellow one randomly placed."

Right. Three white layers, red ribbon, and some red and yellow flowers.

NILED IT.

(You know, like the River Nile? 'Cuz it's all flowing down the cake? Yes? No?)

(Hey, if you don't think that's funny then YOU'RE IN DENIAL.)

(Eh? EH??)

 

Thanks to Beverly, Jamie, & Carolyn's cake for crying us a river.

*****

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