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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wrecky Replay (138)

Wednesday
Jan132016

Pan-Wow

[adjusting headset mic]
[gelling hair]

Hi, it's john with Pan-Wow. This pan is shaped like a heart but it's also a pan so you can make cakes that are shaped like a heart.

A regular pan can only make cakes that look like a circle or a square, but the Pan-Wow can make a cake that looks like anything. Look at this apple.

You can't get an apple cake out of a round pan. Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's an apple.

 

Use it at home, in the bakery, in the car or the boat. Going to a Halloween party?

Pan-Wow.

 

Oh, no. Is that a ghost?

No. It's a Pan-Wow.

 

Going tailgating at the football game?

Pan-Wow.

 

When you're done, just throw it in the dishwasher. It's metal. It's shaped like a heart. Look at these balloons:

There's three different colors.  You could use four colors.  Or five.  It doesn't matter.  Pan-Wow.

 

Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff. Use it for Christmas:

Why not? It's a Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's Santa Claus.

 

What's that? You're graduating?

Now it's a hat. Amazing.

 

Got a steak? Put it in the Pan-Wow.

It's a heart and it's a steak. It's like a heart steak. But it could also be an apple/scary Halloween/ football/balloon steak. So many uses.

 

Is that the Easter Bunny?

Pan-Wow.

And if you comment within the next five minutes, we'll give you a Pan-Wow absolutely free.* You can't beat that. Order now.

 

Thanks to Lisa S., Erin M., Shelley B., Melissa G., Marie H., Cristina Z., Jyap, Sarah S., and Anna C. who don't mind the three easy payments of $29.95.

 

*Plus shipping and handling. Other charges may apply. Pan-Wow may not be made in Germany. Pan-Wow may not be metal. Pan-Wow may not be shaped like a heart. Pan-Wow may not enjoy being taunted.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Wednesday
Jan062016

Basic Instructions

How to Literally Be the Worst Wreckerator:

 

1) Many names have unusual variations these days, so always remember to double check the spelling ahead of time.

 

"And her name is Starr with two 'r's."

[writing] "Star...with... two 'R's. Roger.

"No, Star."

"Lady, I got this."

 

2) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it only takes a few to get the general idea across.

 

"Hi. I'm looking for a Super Mario cake with a green pipe on it - you know, the thing with the plant coming out of it? I called it in a few days ago."

"Oh, right. Um..."

"Sorry, ma'am, but your cake is in another bakery."

 

3) Keep in mind that some grammatical words have more than one meaning.

For example, 'slash' can also mean 'kill', 'period' can mean 'length of time', and 'space' will always be a mystery.

"Not gonna lie; I would have slashed to go to a 'Pirate Space Palooza' when I was 12. Period."

 

4) Ordering a cake shouldn't be rocket surgery, so always strive to make the ordering process as easy as possible for your clients.

 

"Hi there, I'd like to order a cake? It's for my friend Vicki; she's turning thirty on Thursday."

"No problem! I'll just write, 'Vicki Thirty Thursday', then, shall I?"

"Um, no - just a simple 'Happy Thirtieth' will do, thanks."

"'Happy Birthday Thirty,' comin' right up!"

"No no, I want 'Happy Thirtieth,' and then her name on it."

"Yooooou betcha. 'Thirty Happy Vickies' it is!"

"Are you daft? Look, I just want 'Happy Thirtieth, Vicki' ok?"

"OH! Of course! Silly me. Now I understand."

"Finally! Thank you!"

"I just have one question."

"What?"

"Where does the 'Thursday' go?"

[silence]

"Vicki? You ok?"

 

 

Thanks to Nancy W., Michele S., Steph W., Nancy E., and my good friend Scott Meyer of the real Basic Instructions for the inspiration.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.