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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wrecky Replay (154)

Wednesday
Nov232016

No Mean Feet

If you want a simple theme for a baby shower, it's hard to go wrong with cute little footprints.

Unless the baker misses the "little" part, of course:

 

 Good grief, MY feet are smaller than that. Are you trying to give the mom-to-be a heart attack, bakers?

 

'Cuz if so, this is also an excellent way to go about it:

"Suddenly Nicola's plans for a natural, drug-free delivery seemed really, really stupid."

And how's the kid even fitting in there, Nicola? Do you have a TARDIS belly? o.0

 

Oh, wait, or maybe the kid is shaped like this:

 On the plus side, he probably won't fall over much.

 

But we were talking about footprints, weren't we?

Which might be what these are supposed to be. Maybe. Allegedly.

 

Hey, ever wanted to see a duck with human feet that only walks backwards?

Well, tough. You're going to see one anyway:

Embrace the insanity. 

And then waddle backwards with it.

 

"Sadly, little Mike's dream of becoming a professional dancer came with a slight disadvantage:"

And here I thought that was just a figure of speech.

 

Of course, the absolute creepiest thing you can do with a footprints shower theme is mistake "footprints" for actual feet:

Somewhere a quartet of elves is literally foot-loose and fancy-free*. 

And probably pissed.

 

*If by "fancy" you mean "feet."

 

Thanks to today's arch-enemies [smirk] Layli S., Arlene P., Linda A., Gianna M., Anony M., Melissa B., & Becca H. for the sole-full feets.

*****

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Wednesday
Nov162016

Seeing Double

Sometimes, when ordering a cake, you have to play Pictionary with your baker. Except instead of just telling them what to draw, you show them a picture. And instead of actually drawing anything, they make a cake. So really it's nothing like Pictionary. WORK WITH ME HERE I'M NOT SO GOOD AT ANALOGIES.

For example, Kelly and Paul wanted a cake of Winnie-the-Pooh, so they brought in this:

 

 And got...this:

Say, is that a squished spider on your face, or does your baker really think bears have whiskers? 

I mean, it's like a Goldfish Cracker donned a Groucho Marx disguise, and then sprouted nubby little arms and legs, right? It's EXACTLY LIKE THAT, right?

Ahem.

Amanda S. works for the Cirque du Soleil show Varekai, and for the show's tenth anniversary they wanted a cake that looks like the show's circus tent exterior:

 

 But instead, they got something like HR Giger would design if he designed Moon Boots:

 

  Really ugly, non-functional Moon Boots. That can kill you. With their pointy, pointy spiny things. Yeah. Like that.

 

And finally, Brittany M. didn't actually order this next cake, so I had John whip up a handy graphical approximation of what we *think* the baker was aiming for:

 

 This is some kind of sports thing, right? Or maybe a zoo decal? 

(I AM ALSO NOT SO GOOD WITH SPORTS.)

 

Well, whatever it is, I think it's safe to say that the baker took license with that logo in the same way a crazy artistic type person takes license with something traditional that we all love and don't want messed with. Which is to say a LOT.

Oh! I know! Like that one awful version of Jingle Bells! (No, not that one - THAT one.) Yeah. Like THAT.

So, yeah. it's bad.

[whistling]

Hm?

OH, I'm sorry. Did you want to see the cake now?

Ok.

  Meee-YOWCH!

Poor lil' kitty. I bet the LSU folks are as mad right now as cats when I try to clip their claws. 

The cats' claws, I mean, not the LSU people's. Hopefully they don't even HAVE claws. 

The LSU people, I mean, not the oh never mind.

*****

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