Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wrecky Replay (44)

Wednesday
Jul232014

Graduate! Celebrate! "Decorate!"

If you're still planning a party for the graduate in your life, then these bakeries would like you to know that they are ready and willing to provide a whole host of graduation-appropriate cake designs...

On Styrofoam.

Sure, it tends to stick in the molars a bit, but it's extremely low in fat.

NOTE TO BAKERS: Icing tends to slide off of Styrofoam when displayed at an angle.

NOTE TO CUSTOMERS: Regard all cakes stored flat with extreme suspicion from now on.

 

If for some reason you feel compelled to have a photo of your grad on the cake, then this bakery obliges with either a traditional, "boring," photo, or the hip new "green-out silhouette" option:

Also great for grads in the Witness Protection Program!

 

And for those customers who may become confused, thinking they have to purchase a cake with someone else's photo on it, this bakery provides a helpful clarification:

Congrats! You spelled "your" wrong!

 

But suppose your grad is spiritually inclined? How do you tastefully incorporate his or her religious views into a graduation cake? Well, this bakery shows us how...

...not to do it.

 

And lastly, this bakery wants you to send your graduate a really heartfelt message.

Specifically: "Your face looks like a butt."

Oh, and "your cap is ridiculous, with its teensy little robot arm."

 

Victoria W., Maya J., Denise R., Leanna P., and Patricia B., "you're thanks here."

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Wednesday
Jul162014

Don't Toy With Me, Man

It probably started innocently enough.

"Hey, let's add a little stuffed rattle to this design, as a free bonus!"

"We all know how much babies like cake!"

 

Now, despite the fact that this design requires no decorating skills whatsoever, it does have the fatal flaw of being a cupcake cake. [hawww ptooiee!] Which means, more often than not, you're going to get something like this instead:

"What the heck is it?"

"Who cares? Look, a free baby rattle!"

 

So, they nixed the CCCs and started putting the little stuffed toys on mini-cakes:

The vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake snares another victim.


Then they really started to mess with us.

1) Just how big is this cake?

2) Conversely, how tiny is that stuffed lamb?

3) Whichever it is, did the Wreckerator really think that lamb effectively "filled the space?"

4) Why put a baby's stuffed animal on an engagement cake, anyway? It has nothing do to with the design! It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.
(Ok, that last bit could be wishful thinking on my part.)

 

Of course, just when you think a little stuffed lamb might be appropriate, like on a baby shower cake, they go and do this:

That is solid icing, y'all. "Suprise!" indeed.

(Yes, I know "suprise" is spelled wrong.)

 

But getting back to the stuffed animals: like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers:

Sensible? Sanitary? Sane?
Good questions, all.

 

But perhaps the most important question of all is: When future generations look back on the day the "fake fur fiber fad" began, will this be one of Wikipedia's illustrations?

"With its high levels of sugar, fat, and 'colon-cleansing synthetic fiber', the Plush & Flush Diet soon became an overnight sensation in the U.S."

 

Bill B., Caryn C., Becky, Lisa Z., Kristen F., Allie C., & Emily B., more on point (ballerina pun ftw!), when do they start plopping Xbox 360's on these things, with little icing borders? "That'll be $467.39, please. Oh, and if you want games, then you have to buy the cupcakes separate."

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.