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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wrecky Replay (82)

Wednesday
May272015

Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret** to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:

 

And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.

 

Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":

 

And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those? [chortle]

 

Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:

 

And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those bakers: such fun guys.

 

Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:

 

And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.

 

And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

 

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.

 

Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.

*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

 

**Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)

 

*****

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Wednesday
May132015

Cake Secrets

Because sometimes Wreckerators need to confess anonymously, too.

 

"My boss made me sweep the floor, even though I didn't make the mess. So I swept up, and then made her a special cake...

"...which somehow got set out for sale."

 

"You know that third time I asked you to spell 'congratulation' for me?

"I was totally messing with you."

 

"My watch is in there."

 

"Sometimes I like to draw vaguely obscene things on cakes...

"...and then tell your kids they're Oompa Loompas."

 

"I've never seen Star Wars."

 

"I told you it was a grill, but to be honest...

"I don't know what this is, either.

"Oh, and I licked the spoon."

 

"I really, really, REALLY....

"...don't like kids."

 

"I told my managers it'll never happen again, but...

"...wait'll they see where I put Snow White!"

 

Monica R., Sarina, Jes H., Kelly W., Heather S., Dee P., Marissa C., & Brian B, your secrets are safe with me. And everyone else on the Internet.

*****

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