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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Wrecky Replay (138)

Wednesday
May182016

GET ME A UNICORN CHASER! (Oh. Wait.)

[Note: Today's post contains a mildly bad word, because I put it in to make John laugh and then he said it was too funny to take out. Please parent accordingly.]

According to Urban Dictionary, a unicorn chaser is anything that "serves as a cleansing of the palate after a viewer has been subjected to a distasteful internet image or experience." If you've ever mistakenly clicked a link that showed you something really disgusting, like clown porn or Snooki's pregnancy pictures, then you know what I'm talking about.

You can even buy a Unicorn Chaser from ThinkGeek, although they don't mention what it tastes like. I'm guessing moonbeams and Oreo filling, because I can't imagine anything that tastes better than that, except maybe Oreo filling without the moonbeams. But it might taste like green Skittles, which would be disgusting, and then you'd need another chaser for your Unicorn chaser. Which would be both sad and kind of filling.

Look, my point is that these clouds look like shit:

No, wait. That wasn't my point at all.

My point is, Unicorn horns: Do they really need a point?

Or can they just be a giant lump like a cartoon head injury?
Or a large pile of bird doo-doo?

 

And do unicorns need heads, or can they just puke rainbows directly out of their necks?

Assuming they still have a horn jammed in there somewhere, I mean?

 

True Story: As I was typing "do unicorns need heads" just now, I could totally hear one of you saying, "Why would a unicorn need a bathroom at sea?" And I was all, "WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE QUESTION, IMAGINARY WISE-GUY READER." And then you were all, "Gee, sorry," and I was able to move on after eating a spoonful of Oreo filling for recovery purposes.

 

This unicorn-pooping-cupcakes cake is adorable, and I won't have any of you speaking a WORD against it.

Unless you want to comment on the wonky elongated nipple/leg. That I'd be ok with.

 

And finally, you know how when you visit a friend or relative, and you break something, and you just lay the broken bits down like they're not broken and hope nobody notices until a few days after you leave? No?

Ok, how about this:

You know how when you can't get a cake unicorn head to stand up on its own, so you just break it off and plop it back down on the body at an unnatural angle and pretend it's supposed to look like that?

o.0

[backing away slowly]

 

If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here eating Oreo fillings in the moonlight. Just as soon as I find a picture of the moon for my computer screen.

 

Hey Laura B., Andrea & Anne Marie, Joshanna R., Robin E., & Samantha S. - why the long face and creepy demon eyes?

*****

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Wednesday
May112016

Passive Aggression is a Dish Best Served Iced

Passive aggression comes in many forms, but I prefer the subtle approach for added deniability. The message is still there, of course, but it's not so obvious as to get you immediately disowned.

"Here's a big dead tree to represent your general state of witheredness. 

"Oh, and..." [jazz hands] "Happy birthday."

 

If she asks, it's a crown. But we both know better.

"No, Mom, of COURSE that's not a hand giving you the finger. It's a crown. Because you are a ROYAL...delight."

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this engagement cake:

...except that the groom's name is Nathan.

Nathan: 0

Mother-in-Law: + 20

 

When the subtle approach isn't getting the job done, though, sometimes you have to step up your game. And then put it in quotes:

"Also, I got this off the week-old clearance rack. For free."

 

Vicky: "It's not even my birthday!"

 "We know; we just wanted to make extra sure you knew you were being excluded."

 

"No, seriously, we're reeeeally sorry about that. Now, can we get you some cake? Or a drink? Maybe some adult diapers?"

 

Sarah C. claims she only asked for Happy Birthday, and the baker overheard her saying the rest on the phone to someone else. Riiiiight. How'd that excuse fly with the birthday girl, Sarah?

 

Of course, when it comes to passive aggressive cakes, nothing can ever compare to the ones mom used to make.

Right, Jason?

Oops, looks like we just missed Jason - he's gone on a guilt trip. See ya when you get back, buddy! "Enjoy!"

 
Thanks to Anne M., Courtney B., Emily K., Greer D., Laura P., Jessica S., Jennifer B., Sarah C., & Sue F., who will always still love me. Right, guys?

Guys? ...Hello?

*****

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