HalloWEEEEE!

Tonight's the big night, people!

ARE.
YOU.
READY?!?

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, the first thing you need to kick off that Halloween party later is an OFF DA HOOK historical lecture.

I'll start.

Did you know that Halloween was once known in Druidic circles as "Hallsweer?"

It's true!

Ok, not so much. But you should totally make up a bunch of random factoids and see how long it takes your guests to lynch you.

Or just wish everyone a happy "Hallawen," and when questioned, insist that's how it's pronounced "in the old country."

"The Ambiguously Scared Trio"

Of course we can't let the night pass without saluting you, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man:

In the face of crippling chocolate eyeball shortages, you step up with something that technically still has eyes on it, AND is circular. Bravo, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man. Bra. VO.

(Srsly, the more you try to imagine the thought process that led up to this, the funnier it gets.)

And finally, to REALLY kick your party off right, just go to your local wreckery and order a cake with a "Halloween look."

I guarantee the result will be terrifying.

Or at least really funny.

(I especially like how they really captured the spirit of "Hallowee" with all that orange, blue, and green.)

Thanks to Courtney M., Dawn K., Michelle L., Cortni C., & Eric F., who I hear is a real whiz when it comes to Hallowee decorations.

Be Afraid. Be VERY Afraid.

What's scarier than all the Miley Cyrus costumes we'll see this Halloween?

An entire post of Halloween puns.

That's right, my friends. Brace yourself... for the pain.

***

What do you call trendy ghost detectives?

"In" specters.

Why did the coven mess up the words to their potion?

They couldn't tell which witch was spelling which.

What do you call pink ghosts?

Fa-BOO-lous!

Why did the skeleton go to a BBQ restaurant?

For the spare ribs.

What do you get when you cross a werewolf with an eagle?

A real birdbrain who's all bark and no flight.

And now, your moment of Jen:

Despite everyone's efforts, nothing could lift Stanley's spirit.
He drifted through the day, a mere ghost of his former self.

Thanks to Anony M., Laury S., Sarah Beth, Joy S., Janice C., Lynn M., & Andrea T., who would like to point out that the ghost clan is not amused:

"We're watching you. Aaaaaalways waaaatching."