My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Hey everybody, thish cake ish from Holland. Ishn't that veird?"

Brace yourself, my friends, for what you're about to see may haunt your dreams for the rest of your natural lives, and will most certainly turn you off of acrylic nails.


Here it comes...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the baby shower, they went and added...


[drawn-out scream]

Ok, what's worse: the bone-white skin pallor, popped-out belly button that looks like the tied-off end of a balloon, or the fact that Thing-ette there seems to be sucking the life-force out of Octo-Mom Wraith-style?

Now, I have pudgy little Hobbit hands, so my basis of reference is off: tell me, is that hand as disproportionally gargantuan as I think it is?

Kevin V., you musht be toight like a toyger*. Schmoke and a pancake?

*Ok, so the pop-culture references got a little out of hand** in this post. Sorry.

**Get it? Out of hand? Booyah!

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Reader Comments (266)

Cigar and a waffle? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz?

No Jen, you aren't crazy - I was blessed with long fingers, and even if I had 4 inch acrylic nails of Doom, I still could never wrap my hand around my pregnant belly like that. Methinks they are some kind of Dutch tentacle-hands, come up from somewhere in the canals.

BTW, my family is Dutch :)


February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


**Possible spoiler if you haven't read any/all of the Twilight series**

Actually, to me, it kind of makes me think of Twilight..Bella. In the last sucking the life out of her..though I don't think Bella would get her nails done like that! Plus, she wasn't a vampire yet when was pregnant, so wouldn't be that pale yet..

Yes, my mind is weird, lol! I wouldn't ever make a cake or eat a cake like this though!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My grandpa played basketball so I've got his huge hands, no seriously my fingers are as long as my husbands (thought still feminine). So I'm in a good position to say yep that is frekishly out of proportion.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDani

And why are the breasts always braless with large nipples?!?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

As horrid as those hands and nails are, the fact that they STILL don't distract you from the nipples is even worse.

WV: hadeb - The nails were bad, but the nips hadeb be the worst.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

That is a seriously gross cake.

But to tell the truth, I'm paler than THAT so the color doesn't bother me.

That hand and the nipples, though,...ew.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

After viewing the various maternity cakes on your blog, I am leaning toward the good old days when baby bumps were concealed by modest clothing, rather than clingy t-shirts and yoga pants! Also, breasts were harnessed in modest brassieres!This cake left me nauseous.
Blogless Mary Lou

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy freakin' cow!

All I can think of is the many times I have heard pregnant women shriek, "Don't touch my belly!" And now you have someone with alien hands and a bad manicure sneaking up from behind.

But somebody had to lift the shirt and show off that condom-shaped belly-button. So where's the other creepy hand?

Word verification: nedede. I nedede a drink after I saw this cake.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

I get it! It's a pregnant vampire! You know, like Darla? From Angel? Okay, I'm a geek.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBuffy


February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commentericeprincesskrs

I agree that the bellybutton looks like a condom, which adds all sorts of irony.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison Harris

I am not sure which is more oooogie, the nipples or the wet-looking belly button. This thing is just wrong on so many levels.

Loved the wraith reference! That was exactly what came to my mind when I first looked at this!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

Maybe the fact that a lot of food born illnesses can be harbored in acrylic nails, that's another reason to be turned off of them :) This picture, though, will turn me off of cakes with alien hands though :)

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzyhomemaker

Reading your today's post I am watching 'Arrival' with Charlie Sheen and tons of aliens in it! I am not eating cakes this week!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkacenka

I have a sci-fi loving husband and I am embarrassed to say I knew what you were talking about when you mentioned the wraith...without having to click on the link. I thought the belly button looked like a tied off balloon also.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Gross. I think I'd pass on a piece of THAT cake.
The alien hath returned.
~Amy B.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

thank goodness they left out the stretchmarks....

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosie

What is with people who think pregnant body parts make an attractive cake for a party? Come on, people. What ever happened to nice round or square cakes with pastel "baby" colors (or even spoingy primary colors). I'd even settle for the baby carriage or the umbrella--a cabbage patch or a stork shaped cake even, but leave the body parts to the hospital, please.
Yeah, I know, I'm old and cranky. But I still get invited to baby showers.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr


February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

Ok yes the hand seems long and very thin. The belly button is yucky.
I don't understand the giant nipples showing through her shirt! I don't commonly see this on pregnant women. I can't say anything about the skin color because I am actually that color.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTicia

Aaaauuuughhhhhh! Like Mama B said, The NIPPLES! Is it cold in here? HELLO!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mama

It's so scary on so many levels...I just want know, did they used real acrylic nails? That would really raise the ICK factor.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwolfmom

I'm so glad someone finally noticed the nipples. I mean, maybe this says more about me, but those were definitely the first and scariest things I noticed. Eew. Could you imagine being the bakery assistant that had to roll out fondant nipples? I'd definitely be looking for a new job.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCancemini4

I thought it was an octopus wearing snazzy sneakers, and frankly, I prefer to keep thinking that.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarahAB

I just wanted to comment that to me the nipples are perhaps the most WTF thing on here. :)

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

From a dutchie..

wow thats awful.. luckily some people can bake and decorate decently here.. too bad that doesn't go for the person who made this cake!!!
The nails are gross.. and it looks like a man hand then with the acrylics stuck on haha.
I at least hope it tasted better than it looked!!!
and to michiel the other dutchie.. the schmoke and a pancake is something dutch to tourists.. everyone knows amsterdam for drugs.. and no matter where you are in the world there are dutch pancake houses.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am so relieved I wasn't the only one who thought the belly button looked like a condom...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTeDiouS

I am strangely torn between wondering "why the nipples" and "how did they make the nipples"?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChar

The hand is huge but never mind that, what is up with the bumpy breasts? I think I would have been too traumatized to even eat that cake. AND I LOVE CAKE!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisha

The nipples are definitely the worst part. Though the thought of a Wraith with a 4th-of-July manicure is making me all giggly and helping to ease the pain.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Yup, it's creepy!
But what's also pretty creepy is that we Dutch suddenly seem to speak English with a Hollywood-made German filmaccent!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJuf Astrid en juf Tanja

An SGA reference! My day is complete.

And that's one creepy hand - it does look like a wraith with acrylic nails trying to kill someone. This was meant for human consumption?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

After reading all the comments, I see there really is nothing else to be said. Really.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Well, I'm that pale. But the hand is too big for the belly. Still, damned if I could make a hand that well.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Ok, this is nasty. Me thinks this cake needs some pasties too!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The scariest thing to me on this cake are the nipples of steel! Why would you put obscene nipples on a cake? But then again, this whole cake begs the questions "Why??? Why??? WHY???"

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrissie

I rather think the belly button looks more like a freshly un-packaged condom. But who am I to judge?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterj.cro

Hmm, could it be a pregnant wraith? Is that even possible? Love the SG Atlantis reference, by the way. That was definitely the best part about this cake!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie S.


Thanks for the nightmares for the next ten years.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

Okay, that whole thing just freaks me right out. And what is up with the temperature presumption, ya know?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci Harris

This wreck is fantastically funny, as is your commentary (which is always hilarious), so I'll keep the nit-picking short: this is the French flag, not the Dutch one. They both contain the same colours but the way they are arranged on the nails for someone looking at it from our perspective (and even if you go towards the wrist), meaning vertically and in the order blue, white, red, is French. Still, I love the Austin Power reference, being a huge freakin' filmgeek myself.


February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

The Dutch lady is right . . . it is the flag of France on the background as well as on the nails of that ginormous hand! What really creeps me out is the notion of performing a baby shower cake c-section. Do you want that piece or a chunk of breast (with or without nipple)? Eeeeewwww!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

my questions is why do they always feel the need to put little nipple bumps on the breasts of these cakes. do the women they are modeling these cakes after (aside from having ridiculously large stomachs and out of proportion appendages) not ever wear bras??

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEliana

Well, that certainly is... uh... patriotic?

Or possibly gross. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with gross. This trend in simulated cannibalism just weirds me the heck out.

Also? Woo, SGA reference! Booyah!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

the hand is, indeed, HUGE. speaking of huge and disturbing.. what gets me is how, um, COLD it seems to be in there... if you know what i mean...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Ferber Family

Bwahaha! I love your geeky pop culture references!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

@ Anonymous 11:12: I actually think the "severed" part of the pregnant torso cakes is by far the creepiest part. The original purple one was actually kind of pretty IMO, but YOU ARE STILL EATING WOMEN'S BODY PARTS. Ick. I love cake and will usually eat even the crappiest most artificial supermarket variety (on the theory that some cake is better than no cake), but I would be hard pressed to actually consume any part of the torso shower cakes.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterspacedcowgirl

Eh, just a Wilton Mickey pan changed a bit. My wife decorated cakes for many, many years so I've seen a lot of adaptation.

That is not to say this is a great cake. I find it bizarre, simply as a total theme type cake, and the fingers are proportionate to the hand, *but* the hand is friggin huge compared to the body size.

That said, though, I have no problem with eating it. It's a cake. "yeah, I'll have the left boob, minus the nipple (wouldn't want to be a glutton) and the middle finger". Mmmmm

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How about the fact that there appear to be NIPPLES on the boobies? BLECH!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimboSue

heheheeh I have such a warped sense of humour,as do most of my friends that we would all love this cake. I would want the condom belly button. Yeah those hands look kinda gigantic...and what kinda mum that's ready to pop would want claws to stab bay with?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpunxxi

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