My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Hey everybody, thish cake ish from Holland. Ishn't that veird?"

Brace yourself, my friends, for what you're about to see may haunt your dreams for the rest of your natural lives, and will most certainly turn you off of acrylic nails.


Here it comes...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the baby shower, they went and added...


[drawn-out scream]

Ok, what's worse: the bone-white skin pallor, popped-out belly button that looks like the tied-off end of a balloon, or the fact that Thing-ette there seems to be sucking the life-force out of Octo-Mom Wraith-style?

Now, I have pudgy little Hobbit hands, so my basis of reference is off: tell me, is that hand as disproportionally gargantuan as I think it is?

Kevin V., you musht be toight like a toyger*. Schmoke and a pancake?

*Ok, so the pop-culture references got a little out of hand** in this post. Sorry.

**Get it? Out of hand? Booyah!

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Reader Comments (266)

I have been reading your blogs for months loving the mix of bad cakes, good sarcasm and a little geek.
Thanks for the austin powers reference. Everytime anyone says the word "weird", I immediately flash on the quote from Goldmember. I'm glad somebody else does too.
Please keep up the AWESOME work!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel L

Did anyone else notice that the cake is nippin'?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. T

that is massive!!! :-)

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Um...yeah, very creepy. And apparently cold wherever this cake monstrosity was stored...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterA Mother's Story

no words. no words to describe the disappointment in this cake.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChic Runner

I am so going to have nightmares...
Wrong on SO many levels.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Rodgers

It reminds me of the other mother's hand from Coraline.


February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSorsha

I adore you used a Stargate reference! Cakes + Stargate = AWESOME!!!
This cake creeps me out!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterapparentlyjessy

I'm going to have to say the creepiest part of this is the fact that not only are Lee press-on nails heavily featured in this cake... the baker felt the need to give this a true "hoochie-mama" feel by giving it nipples.

why do they feel that's necessary? are we not going to understand they are supposed to be breasts without the nipples trying to contact nasa???

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterConniefirechick

There are no words lol

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I'm astounded, I've never heard of a baby shower here in Holland before!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaaike

Oh, and I'm rather thrilled that on my birthday you
a) have a Dutch cake
b) refer SGA!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaaike

Is it cold in here, or is it just the cake. I think I'm most disturbed by the nipple action that's going on those large bazoombas. Gross!

And isn't that France's flag, not Holland?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

It's the Other Mother from "Coraline"! Now she's after the unborn!

(I love this website sooooooooo much. Keep up the good work!)

Word Verification: reshle. Yesterday at the library we were laughing so hard at Cake Wrecks we forgot to reshle any books.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

My god that's awful.... I now vow to never do a hand-over-the-pregnant-belly cake. AWFUL!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbigspoonbakery

Not gargantuan. This person has Marfan syndrome!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSnackrifices

the creepiest part would be cutting into it! gross! that, or when your creepy uncle at the party requests one of the breasts and then eats it without a fork and knife.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenteralcoLOLz!1!!


...and now we will never get the movie and all i will have to look forward to are weird connections. Picturing that hand as Todd's, well, that is creepy. thanks so much for that image. must go now and destroy those brain cells.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sooo... you can see her nipples. Ew.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That hand looks to me like the Other Mother's right hand from Coraline. I mean the story, not the movie. The movie looks really stupid. The story is awesome.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFreedomFirst

I wonder who the fazha is...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPumpkin Spice

Looks like the alien's hand from Signs that comes under the door...*shudder*

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think any pregnant belly cakes are tacky to begin with, but that just takes it to a new level of gargantuan tackiness! Gargantuan, like that malformed mutant alien hand.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkalos_eidos

Are the nails a Pepsi Commercial??

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

The belly button looks like a condom.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

That is just icky. How can anyone eat it?? *shudders*

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

i'm waiting for one of these cakes to have something inside the huge bump - like jelly (which would be gross) or frosting... or an EDIBLE BABY... >shudder< creepy

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is the first time I've felt compelled to comment.

Yes, that hand is all out of proportion. The index finger is longer than the middle finger, and it's almost like there's an extra knuckle in them all. There are a few things wrong with that hand.

Now, I have a vague guess why the belly button looks like a balloon, and that's because my mom (only a semi-professional cake decorator) made a baby shower cake with a big pregnant lady once. We actually stuffed a little toy animal inside a balloon, and blew it up, then iced over it to be the belly. That way the mom-to-be got to "deliver" the baby. Mom used the neck of the balloon for the belly button, but she iced it a lot better, made it look more natural.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorrigana

Does anyone else see the nipples?!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why is the belly button so... shiny?

I hope there's one of those baby cakes on the inside. Wouldn't that be a fun surprise for the person cutting the cake? Cutting a cake or a c-section, you decide.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLola

OMG that hand is rediculous!!! When I have a baby, I'll make sure they make some outrageously stupid cake so I can send it in here...but seriously, what can top this one?? Other then, of course, the anotomically correct "Giving Birth" fondent cake--LMAO!!!!!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten

My hand fits on my belly about like that... but I'm not pregnant.

And the nails and the nipples and the white skin WTF. As if these cakes weren't awful to being with.

verification... o unpro is right!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Definitely a wraith hand. Maybe Michael in disguise? I don't know what I like more about your blog, the cakes or all the scifi references I get!

Angie, SciFiMama

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSciFi Mama

Okay, I had to scroll down a bit, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the huge nipples on that thing.

Though the hand is definitely alien-caliber creepy...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternorby

Oh god, it look's like the Other Mother got knocked up...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSims

.. and it looks like the bakery was very cold that day as well know what I mean?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Someone commented that the cake reminded them of Bella's pregnancy from Twilight. I thought of the same thing when I first saw this cake...

But really, it is frighteningly beyond unappetizing!

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCamille

Was it cold in the bakery when they frosted the cake???

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

is it me or does that hand have two thumbs? on on the belly and one in her shirt?

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPam Fillin

Just once I'd like to see the "carnage" (as my hubby refers to what's left on the plate/table, etc from any gathering) from one of these wrecks.

You think that was red velvet cake in there? i might have a problem if I was the recipient of a cake as freakishly *shudder*...words escape me.


wv-orkult...looks like demon handed mama was dealing in the orkult. ;)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwingedfaerie

That is a very patriotic cake... except it is the French flag, not the Dutch flag (which is horizontal, the red on top and the blue on the bottom).

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris

i have freakishly long fingers which look even more freakishly long in photos :/

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have seen the model for this cake! The Labor and delivery nurse I had for my first delivery -she scratched me to bits! I am a nurse now and strong believer that RNs should not have acrylics! lol

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Five Nomads

I have what people might call "freakishly long" fingers, so to me....that hand *almost* looks normal! LOL The nails...nasty! The nipples...come on! All in all........I think I'll pass on this cake!

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

The only thing that would make this cake more wrecktacular would be if it was a red velvet cake....



February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*Kristyn*Maia*Mekai*

I forgot to mention. I have size 9 hands. A nine inch span from the tip of my thumb to the tip of my pinkie. That's not counting my artificial nails (clean unpolished ones). Big bewbs too. Normal inney belly button though. I empathize with the cake but it's still weird.

Big hands will come in handy (no pun intended) when FHOTD takes it's show on the road with the "Whack an Asshat" road trip.

wv. sating...just checking in before work, sating my appetite for cake wrecks.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

*is Dutch*

What's up with the Sean Connery impression?

And, oh God, there is just no good way to incorporate pregnancy in a cake. rew

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdracothelizard

I have long fingers. But I don't add giant acrylic nails to extend them. I have a friend who has really long fingers, longer than mine. Even so, I think this hand is disproportionately long in comparison to the torso. Just sayin'.

This is the craziest cake. I would NEVER want a piece!

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Hahaha Gold Member!!! The best part is when John Travolata portrayed him for a few minutes!

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpika23

brings those R Crumb cartoons to mind- the ones about his fantasy for a voluptous woman without a head. The best part- the wet t-shirt contest nipples LOL.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommentervivaELvino

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