My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Apostrophe is Silent

(ATTN PARENTS: This post contains material somewhat "adult" in nature.)

Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber.

Amber decided that school was not for her. Fortunately, she had loving and supportive parents.

One day Amber was offered an exciting new job. To celebrate, she added an apostrophe to her name, thinking it would make her seem more sophisticated. Again, her parents were supportive.

Unfortunately, introducing herself as "Amber - the apostrophe is silent" did not yield the results Amber was hoping for. Still, she did make some new friends at work: Cassie the, and "Long Lips" Lisa.

Of course, every job has its hazards:

Which Lisa and Cassie were always there to commiserate with:

Then one day, after an unfortunate misunderstanding between the girls and a city health inspector looking for "clogged plumbing", disaster:

Amber said goodbye to her newfound - albeit diseased - friends, and despaired over finding another job to suit her rather unique skill set and wardrobe. Fortunately, her ever-supportive parents were way ahead of her:


Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters Wendy E., Monique R., Alex H., Michele D., & Amber (no apostrophe) S., and Alexa B.

« More! More!! More!!! | Main | Dora the "Cascajo" »

Reader Comments (209)

ahahaaaa --- who doesn't want a whale-shaped syphilis cake?

.. long lips lisa ...

oh, jen, that was a wonderful story.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMess Maker


That's MY Sleeping Herpes cake! :D I'm so happy you posted it!

If you want some background info, I made a quick blog entry about it. There are more pictures and the backstory for this cake:

Also, the Princess Aurora/Prince Phillip figure were a wind-up thing, so they would spin around on the cake as well, "dancing."

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex H.

I don't even want to know what those things around the pole dancer are supposed to be!!!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSilkydog


That's all. Just 0_0

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Wow, that was just funny! And I haven't seen Fudgie the Whale in so long, I had almost forgotten about him! God bless Carvel!

VW - unfut: to remove ones lower appendage from his embarrassed mouth

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaryIrene

I want the back story on the "You're fired" cake from Amber S. since she's the one who submitted it. What kind of boss fires someone that way?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The syphilis cake is in the shape of a whale... who blows air! The herpes cake was hysterical as well, since it looked so beautiful but instead said "sorry about your herpes". I mean really, even if it's for a distasteful reason you can still have a beautiful cake!

Great story, Jen!

WV: menagi. seems to fite with amber's story... he he

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhateverfor


I just spat tea all over the monitor. ;)

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWillow

Hmmmm, they are missing something... let me think.. ahh yes, they need some white curly ribbon! :)

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaLanya

Man...just when you think you've seen it all!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWM

Amber may have had a life of STDs and whoring, but, in the end, she got cake.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~ L. K.

What in the heck are those things on the top of the pole dancers cake? They look like oysters. On second thought maybe I don't want to know...

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thin' Amber''s nam' 's shor' fo' somethin' lik' Amberringaroundtherosie or Amberpleadsnocontest or Amberwilldoanythingforattention. So th' apostroph' 's ther' jus' t' tak' th' plac' o' somethin' els'. Yea'?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEl Comodoro

I've never heard of Carvel or Fudgie the whale. It must be only in the U.S.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

The "albeit diseased" part of the sentence REALLY wasn't needed.

I'm sure that message isn't what Carvel had in mind when they created Fudgie the Whale...

I'm so glad I work in an office where if I'm caught snickering at porn/STD/pole-dancing oyster cakes (plus Jen's always-amazing commentary) my boss won't fire me but join me in guffawing.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

What do Oysters Rockefeller have to do with pole-dancing prostitutes?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCharlene

The Syphills Blows should be the next shirt. Freakin' hysterical

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Halls

What in the heck is on that pole dancer cake?? It looks like a bunch of tiny coochies~ well maybe huge ones if the dancer is only that big!!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOur Crazy Life

Oh my gosh! So hilarious! Loved todays post :) And really, what was with the blobs with grass on the pole dancer cake?! Too funny!!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

Ahahaha - that was AWESOME. Great story!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

Can't stop laughing :')

Thank you!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIndy

hilarious. who gets these cakes!!?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Smiley

*dies laughing*
I'm not going to complain about the adult's a welcome break from seeing the Dora cakes from yesterday. The world is balanced again.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatsy M

>.< My name is Amber.

I can't believe those cakes exist! What a fun job to make cakes, I'm sure they get all sorts of weird orders.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmber


May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Cake Wrecks appears on this weeks Favorites of the Week at

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Syphilis Blows".



May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

Well if they do cakes for that stuff, why didn't I get one when I wiped out on the dance floor and my wig came off?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

OMG!!! That is hilarious! Funniest post I have ever read on Wrecks!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCammie

I thought those were pierogies on the last cake. But after MUCH inspection, it appears to be ice cream. Either way - EW!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

I seriously need to know what those things on the last cake are. If I'm being honest, they look like nether regions because I have no idea what else they could be. I'm hoping they're something else though because I couldn't eat a cake with... well... you know. Boob cakes are bad enough.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Brilliant storytelling, Jen!

These cakes are just...just...I'm speechless.

wv: mutival - an unplugged carnival

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Flunking unbelievable. There are parents who are actually proud that their child has dropped out of school? Yeah, way to not go, huh? They even capitalize the "dropout" as if it were a title or something... I give up!
(BTW, shouldn't the word be two, as "drop-out"?)
Ah, hardly matters NOW, does it...
Maybe the little darling can aspire to be the leader of an Underachievers Anonymous group.
" ... that's Sleeping Around Beauty!"

THAT is hilarious! >^~~^<

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Best. Post. EVER. omg.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCtal

Wow, even with a wicked migraine this post was so worth reading.
Great work Miss Jen!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeagan

Oh my. That totally made my week. I LOVE this post! :)

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJane Doe

may i sincerely recommend this page? sure cake-terror abounds there!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaty E.

Omg, I am laughing until I can't breathe. I'm gasping here folks!

I love the way you wove a story with seemingly non-related cakes, the cakes themselves are cracking me up and I'm thinking that maybe the pole dancer cake should have some more black lines because like, well SOMETHING. I see I'm not the only one who's seeing that too!

I would LOVE to know the story behind these cakes. I'm sure (I hope) that most of them are inside jokes but I really hope someone will recognize them and supply the background. Well done, Jen!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

My favorite part? The Sleeping Beauty figurines on the herpes cake. Walt Disney would be so proud!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen - your commentary is FABULOUS, as always! The cakes are even more disturbing than usual. And what is WITH the 'clams'? on the last cake? Is that symbolic? Or is she pole dancing on a deserted island? ::confused::

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTristan's Mom

Did anyone else notice that the last cake was cheesecake? And the pole dancer looks to be about 10 months pregnant? Obviously it is coffee cheesecake.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjulie in arlington

Haiku Joy said...
"To apostrophize:
I address you, silent one,
oh, apostrophe!
...No one will get that pun."
It could drive me crazy; so, pray tell, what's the pun here?
(I like puns.)

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Are those beetles crawling out of vaginas on the last cake?

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeide

rotfl!! I especially love the storytelling that accompanies the cakes. Without the story telling, the cakes just don't have the same effect.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

The pole dancer cake is turning me on in more ways than one...

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelle Epoque

OMG...I think I wet myself laughing once I got over the initial shock of that one cake (with the coffee beans and all)... I had two thoughts after looking at it, neither of which were right for the kiddie set. (Like other commenters have suggested, rather inappropriate if that's what they are.) Your storytelling, though, was absolutely brilliant! Just goes to prove that even with cakes, some people have no class... and that's funny for those of us who have at least a little bit.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthecatsmeow

I believe the things on the pole dancer cake are supposed to be oysters.

Oysters are commonly thought to be an aphrodisiac.

Very odd. /giggle

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

What comes next? You've got to tell me what comes next!!! Amber goes straight? Gets married? Has kids? DIES? Woman you must tell me!

P.S. word verification : unceives -- that's what happens when a baby is made!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

i love amber's saga.
sounds like some odd plot line on a soap opera.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>