Your Goose Is Cooked, But The Turkey Is Traumatizing

Ever wonder why bakers keep making cakes that look like cooked turkeys?

Or rather, cakes that are supposed to look like cooked turkeys?

 They just, I dunno... make me a little uncomfortable.

Look at those fleshy leg cannons. It's not right.

Here's one for people who say turkey is too dry:

EXTRA MOIST

And let's talk about how funny they look from the front!

Or is this the back?

::head tilt::

You know what, let's not think about that too long.

The important take-away here is it looks like a bald guy who's been hit in the face with a pecan pie. A naked bald guy. Wearing wrist ruffles. Who has no legs.

And once you see this as a 10 gallon cowboy hat, there's no going back:

Howdy, poultry.

Even when bakers get it right, and the cake looks like an honest-to-goodness turkey, I have some issues:

For one, I will never look at Pigs in a Blanket the same.

 (Whyyy are they there??)

Listen, bakers, I think I speak for all humanity when I say NO ONE wants to see two cooked turkeys on their tables this Thanksgiving. So please, just give the people what they want!

MORE POO-WANGS!

Thanks to Amanda S., Linda M., Robin R., Jennifer G., Nathan A., Alexandra M., & Melanie C. for that fowl content.

 *****

OK, so it's no pig-in-a-blanket, but this plastic yodeling pickle is EXACTLY what your holiday season needs:

Yodelling Pickle

The reviews are an entertainment all on their own, though several seem to suggest this looks like something OTHER than a pickle, so good luck solving that mystery. ;)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

If You Think About It, A Footless Dragon Is Really Just A Snake

I don't know what it is, but I'm pretty sure it wants to hurt me:

"Yes, yesssss; bring that knife... CLOSER."

Extra, Extra! Read all about it! Finally captured on film!
The elusive Pepperoni Pizza Butter-Pie!

So cheesy, am I right?

In case you were wondering if those awful Frozen cake kits are still out there:

YUP.

Believe it or not, this next photo was taken inside the bakery. See the shelf & cake behind it?

So someone bought this cake, brought it home, put custom candy letters AND a candle on it, cut into it, realized it was chocolate and not yellow like the label says, and then returned the cake.

WHICH THE BAKERY THEN PUT BACK ON THE SHELF FOR SALE. (At full price.)

So, uh... used sperm balloon cake, anyone?

I've seen a bunch of these dragon cupcake cakes (patooie!) now:

...and trust me, they NEVER look this nice in real life.

This one, however, wins the Brass Ring of "Look, Ma! NO HANDS!":

'Cuz I think he made it with his feet.

Thanks to Megan W., Norma E., Caite L., John B., & Leanne W. for dragon that in.

*****

I don't know where this has been my whole life, but behold:

A "Dragons Love Tacos" book and toy set! The plush dragon it comes with is holding a giant taco. Boom. I don't know about you, but that's all the sales pitch I need.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: