Mini Dog Nuts, Jedi Kitty, & BIG P

You and me both, Tiffany:

You and me both.

Her baby's name is Izzy, but apparently the bakery thought Bonnie was a fan of Japanese cars?

Meanwhile, Laura asked for a "big monogrammed P" on her cake:

I'll be honest, I was kinda hoping that would go a different way.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this next cake, you guys:

It is glorious and should inspire all your future birthday cakes.

ALL OF THEM.

The History Of This Next Cake, Which Is Also My Favorite This Week:

Baker: "Oh wow, these icing roses turned out GORGEOUS!"

[head tilt]

...I should add a bunch of sh*t around them."

Thanks to Tiffany H., Bonnie F., Laura C., Dawna Z., & Mindy H. for helping me give John the best Valentines present: my man LOVES him some poop jokes. YOU'RE WELCOME, BABE.

*****

Listen, I know it's super late to be buying a wall calendar, but this one is a 16-month anyway and DEMANDS to be seen:

Cat Wars 2020 Wall Calendar

(I'm guessing you can tell I searched for "Star Wars Kitty," ha.)

This thing has it all: heinously bad photoshopping, cats (and dogs, fish, & mice), and groan-worthy Star Wars quotes:

What's not to love?

*******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Maybe We Should Stick With "Bag of Baboon Balls"

The English language is the stuff of poetry, minions, and there's nothing quite so satisfying as finding a new, never-before-used way of expressing the fact that a cake is uglier than a bag of baboon balls.*

[*"Bag of Baboon Balls" is the name of my Monkee's cover band.]

For example, why say this cake made the bride cry...

... when you could say, "When the baker dropped this off, she was fined for littering!"

And don't call this cake drippy:

Call it "Decoration Perspiration."

As a former Jungle Cruise skipper I know all about the back side of water - but here comes a timey-wimey twist for you Doctor Who fans:

"THE BACK SIDE OF CASSANDRA"

Ooooh. Ahhhh.

I'm pretty sure that's the first time anyone has used a Jungle Cruise/Doctor Who reference to describe a wedding cake, so I'm checking that off the ol' "Life Goals" list.

Thanks to Elizabeth W., Amy, & Pat J. for proving you CAN go too far with the moisturizer.

*****

I really wanted to link a Cassandra action figure for you guys, but they're all sold out on Amazon right now. While I was looking I stumbled across a Metal Earth kit of old-school K-9, though, and omigosh. LOOK:

Doctor Who K-9 Metal Earth Kit

This version comes with pre-printed "rust" and a colorful dog collar, which I like so much better than the basic silver models. Anyone else love Metal Earth kits? They're tedious, but perfect for puzzle lovers like me. This one's going to the top of my wish list!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: