10 Easy Ways To Completely Wreck Your Icing Balloons

It's almost TOO simple: a round blob with a string.

So how can you wreck the humble icing balloon?

Oh, my sweet, naive little baker friends.

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.

1) Embrace The Airbrush:

I'm talking full-on bear hug territory here, folks. Love it. Use it. Defend it with your life. Don't ever let it go.

2) Choose Your Colors.... WISELY:

Crap brown with black "highlights?" Oooh, now you're cooking with gas!

Plus, anything that brings to mind bleeding orifices...

...IS PERFECT.

3) Remember Size Is Relative:

And you could totally fit a few more in there.

4) ...But Bigger Is Always Better:

Just throw a few tiny balloons on top to keep it confusing.

5) Of COURSE That Piping Tip Works

I mean, why wouldn't it?

6) Try Turning Them Into Insidious Ground-Dwelling Creatures:

::slither slither slither::

7) Or Colorful Hair Buns!

Floating grandma heads have never looked so festive.

(I'm not the only one seeing this, right?)

8) Gravity Schmavity:

Just be sure to never look at how real balloons work in real life, 'cuz that shiz will blow your freaking mind.

9) Look For Inspiration In Unlikely Places:

Like the wads of chewing gum under the counter!

And finally, the tried-and-true favorite of bakers everywhere:

10) Just Make Them Look Like Sperm:

Aww, three of them made it!

Thanks to Allison W., Erin, Becky G., Anne B., Hilary E., Mandy B., Rachel W., Brenda, Susan C., & Jason for finding some of the most hilarious balloon wrecks ever conceived.

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Wow, party balloons have come a loooong way. Have you SEEN this adorable doggy pack?

Pet Dog Balloon Walkers, 14 Pc

You get 14 for $14! I need an excuse to buy these. And also a cat version. :D

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

THE GREAT HUMAN MYSTERY... plus cake!

There is no greater human mystery than our ability to communicate.
To take a picture or concept and implant it perfectly into the mind of another - what wonder!

What marvel!

Nay, what miracle, even!

So the next time you're ordering a cake, minions, just think:

Hey, at least they spelled it right.

Except they didn't.

(But, c'mon, so close.)

That's not what you should think, though.

What you should think is how amazing it is that we can come together as a species through our words and language. That we have this means of showing others how we're feeling, what we're thinking!

And just think: without language...

...this wouldn't be nearly as funny.

Thanks to Kim C., Pia F., Taryn, Edie S., & Tony B. for striking out.

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You know what's another great human mystery?

Funwares Taco-Saurus

Why we don't hold ALL our food in plastic dinosaurs. I mean, c'mon.

(If you're an over-achiever you can also get the NachoSaurus and TriceraTaco.) 

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And from my other blog, Epbot: