The 5-Word Phrase Every Baker Should Know

Bakers, we need to talk. Please, have a seat.
[waits while 15,000 bakers find chairs]

I thought we might try something new today. It's called "refusing an order," and it's made up of 5 simple words: "Sorry, I can't make that." Easy, right?

Let's practice. I'll be the customer.

Hi there! I'd like you to make this peppermint candy cake, please! I'm VERY enthusiastic, and I have money!

Now you say, "Sorry, I can't make that."

Frank: "I could TOTALLY make that! Look!"

Aaaand stop. Can anyone tell me where Frank went wrong?

Judy: "Frank accepted the job?"

EXACTLY. Let's try again.

Excuse me, I'd like you to hand pipe this picture of Madonna on a cake. How much?

Now YOU say...

[whole room murmuring] "Sorry, I can't make tha..."

Judy: "On it!"

Oh, Judy.

Judy, Judy, Judy.

Who knows what Judy should have said?

[all murmuring together]: "Sorry, I can't make that."

Right! Let's try a lightning round.

Barb! Quick! You can't make me this Spider-Man cake, can you?

Barb: "Dang right I can! WATCH THIS!"

[rubbing temples] Come on, bakers, remember your five words!

How 'bout you, Phil? Think you can make this flaming skull cake?

Phil: "Gosh, I don't know, that's pretty hard..."

Good, good! Recognize your limitations! Now you say, "Sorry, I can't..."

Phil: [interrupting] "Oh, what the heck! Gimme ten minutes!"

You're monsters, all of you.

Well, that's our time. Let's meet back here again tomorrow for a new installment of Don't Fear The Dictionary. You monsters.

And thanks to Gena M., Christine T., Lea T. & Marisol L. for today's object lessons.

*****

P.S. Hey all you monsters, may as well have giant comfy slippers to match, right?

Monster Paw Slippers

I'm actually wearing big badger feet slippers at the moment, but they don't have much of an insole, so these look like a serious upgrade. Plus, extra ankle coverage. Mmmm.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

IT HAS BEEN FORETOLD

I feel like bakers are trying to tell us something, you guys.

I'm just not sure WHAT.

Speak to me, Deadpan Penguin! What is it? What's wrong?

Is a festive volcano about to blow?

Are alien body-snatchers among us?

Adult acne? More than some of us may hypothetically already have?

Maybe I'm reading too much into this next one, but I think it's saying:

"YOU'RE IN TROUBLE."
(That's our #1 problem!)

Or maybe bakers are just messing with us. Maybe NOTHING's wrong, and they think we're a bunch of nincompoops.

Or maybe
IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

But probably not.

Well, whatever bakers are trying to tell us this season...

May yours be volcano, body-snatchers, and acne free.

Thanks to Jason & Amy, Tovah, Julia S., Aaron R., Lauren W., Anony M., Dezy, Natasha C., Fran V., Jennifer C., & Marsha W. for the goodwill to wise guys.

*****

P.S. Oh hey, if you enjoy looking for meaning in garbled messages - or that pleasant sensation of having your face stretched at the dentist - then this is the game for you:

Watch Ya' Mouth Ultimate Edition Game

This game legit comes with a retainer that stretches your lips out while your try to read tongue twisters. If you've ever seen the video of Tiffany Jenkins & her sister playing this, then you know it gets super hysterical super fast. And hey, we need all the entertaining diversions we can get right now, right?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: