"Smack That Shiz" Is My New Favorite Saying

Stacey had a flowery paper plate she wanted her cake to match, so she brought it in to her bakery and asked them to use it as a reference for the decorations.

Unfortunately, what her baker heard wasn't so much "use this as a color/flower reference" as it was "Take this plate, cram it in the photocopier, print it on edible paper, and smack that shiz on some cake. But be sure to place it at a super weird angle, so it looks wrong no matter which way it's facing.
Yes, really. This is exactly what I want you to do."

Do I even need a drum roll anymore? Tell you what, instead, just imagine more of an "angry chickens thwacking you in the face" kind of sound. Seems more apropos.

Anyhoo... BEHOLD:

[sniff] It's.. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

Thanks to Stacey W., who promises to glare at any and everyone who chimes in to say at least the border icing matches. YOUR MOVE, COMMENTERS.

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Because some days call for more than coffee:

"Probably Whiskey" Enamel "Coffee" Mug

(The listing really does have "coffee" in quotation marks, ha!)

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Basket Case

Ahh, those pesky unsold Easter cakes. I feel your pain, bakers. Or rather, I *see* it:

And that IS quite the pickle.

But never fear.

I AM HERE TO HELP.

Listen, like everything in life, this problem can be easily solved by a little thing called re-branding.

So.

What do you see here? An evil lamb cake?

Or is it an evil CLOWN cake? Hmmm?

Right? That's an instant tie-in to Stephen King's IT!

And now you can stop trying to convince your customers this is a bunny:

And instead start insisting it's Hello Kitty!

A tisket, a tasket, *I* see a UFO blowing a gasket:

And speaking of the truth being "out there," clearly your fruit department is ready to fill a much-needed gap in the horror sub-genre of grocery shopping:

Goodbye "spring chicks," hellooooo alien chest-bursters!

And speaking of bursting [HEYOOO], how are your bachelorette designs coming?

Because I'd say you've definitely got a handle on 'em now.

Thanks to Brittanie H., Angi O., Rebecca B., Shirley W., Julieanne B., & Adrienne G. for helping us come to grips with a whole new kind of Easter egg. o.0

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In an effort to keep today's product link PG, let's go back to chest-bursters:

Alien Next Door

I'm told this hardcover gift book is a must for Alien fans, and it sounds hilarious: "From facehuggers to feather dusters, discover how the perfect killing machine relaxes after a day of scaring space marines."

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And from my other blog, Epbot: