I Just Realized How Phallic "Saggy Clown Volcano" Is... And I'm OK With That

Ever see a cake so deliberately confusing that you're sure you're missing something obvious?
I mean, look at this thing:

Someone went through a massive amount of effort - different colors, squiggle techniques, flotsam arrangement - all to make a senseless, saggy clown volcano. Why? What does it mean?

Or how about this snapshot of prehistoric life found in a bakery window?

How I imagine this went down:

"Is that a bridge over all the dinosaurs?"

"Yeah. The Brooklyn Bridge."

".... are you sure?"

"100%"

And now, what appears to be candy corn, sandwiched between two half-rounds of plain cake, all smashed onto a bed of... pimento... brains?

Remember when balloons on cake was a thing? And flowers? Those were the days.

And finally, Susan found this under the heading (heh) "Naughty but Nice," so I assume it's NSFW... but I can't for the life of me figure out HOW:

Somebody get me a old priest, a young priest, and an anatomy book.

Thanks to Vanessa, Jacob B., Andrea P., & Susan C. for the world's naughtiest furry hockey stick.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

:D

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Trace Amounts Of Wreckage

Remember those old drawing contests they used to advertise in the backs of magazines? The ones with a picture of a turtle or a pirate you were supposed to copy?

Well, Melissa decided to try that route with her bakery. She gave them this picture of a frog and asked them to copy it:

Aaaand...

Ouch.

Don't worry though, bakers; I still see artistic potential here. In fact, if you send me money every month I'll continue critiquing your work FOR FREE. Eh?

And if you believe that one, here's another:

Samira ordered this giant cupcake (made of smaller cupcakes and apparently photographed with a potato), and here's the crazy thing: she was told she would actually GET that cake.

Bahahahaha!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh. It's just, I've seen the next picture.

Ready?

Sha-POW.

Seriously, minions, don't order cupcake cakes (patooie!) - and never EVER order a cupcake cupcake cake. I think it breaks the space time continuum.

And lastly, Kristy gave her bakery this napkin to match for a baby shower cake:

The bakery then did something I've never seen before.

That's right, you guys, this is a first!

The bakery started with an edible image - which looked fine - but then traced over the image with icing, resulting in the kind of nightmare fuel you don't generally see outside of Five Nights At Freddy's:

The longer you look, the scarier it gets.

Plus I like how the baker just stopped about 80% of the way through. Like, "WHELP THAT'S RUINED, guess I'll just leave the palm leaves and border and donkey face off now." o.0

Thanks to Melissa G., Sarah H.,& Kristy H. for reminding there is ALWAYS a new way to wreck it. Always.

*****

P.S. While we're talking baby showers, here's a timely reminder:

Punctuation Saves Lives

:D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: