Whoaaaa MAN.

[putting on sunglasses]

[lighting groovy cigarette]

[signalling groovy bass player to start groovy bass music]

CAKE!

So sad, bra.

Standing like Santa,

Grilling like gangsta...

I wonder who gives out more
COAL.

[whispering]

As the ephemeral frigidity succumbs to day's full wrath...

My cone melts.

CAKE!

Sad.
Cake.

Dripping like mad

Come back to my pad

I'll make you
a
sprinkle
surprise.

Hey Jane, hand me
that shovel.

Why's it always have to be snakes?

Popsicle.

IN MY FACE.

[blows out candle]

Thanks to Kristin and Gary H., Ashley B., Ellen M., Mab R., Wendy H., Rachel J., & Margot V. We're all snapping our fingers in your direction.

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Final Countdown

Look, bakers, I'll be the firth to admit I'm not so great with numbers...

...but something here just doesn't add up:

Major props for helping "Keydunce" celebrate such a special milestone, though.

The kind of milestone, in fact, that most of us will spend the next few seconds trying to pronounce.
(I'm going with "three-und." Or maybe "Thirnd.")

Hey, is it just me, or have you noticed families having LOTS of kids these days?

Not to mention getting super lazy naming them all.

(Johnny Five's sister? We can only hope.)

Ok, now you're just making stuff up.

Maybe if you skip the number superscript all together...

Nope.

Well, bakers, I guess you're just going to have to spell them out. That way there's no chance of any of these piddly little technical errors, you know?

I don't... how could... WHY... Oh, never mind.

Happy Liberation Day, Kanaan.

Thanks to Kajal, Kailey S., Anony M., Moira B., Beth M., Tyffani C., Alison U., & Crystal T. for putting two and two together... and getting all sixes and sevens. (That one's for you British mates. Smoochies!)

*****

P.S. I found the COOLEST toy for helping kids learn their numbers:

Transforming Number Robots

These would make awesome cake toppers; then you can surprise them by showing the number is really a robot. As of this writing they're on sale for over 50% off, too. SCORE.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: