Romancing The Scone

It's National Resurrect Romance Week, minions, and as a "humor" blogger on the internet I am of course an expert on this subject.

Also John and I are celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary this month, and we're both still alive, so... Yeah. EXPERT.

I've graciously decided to share some of romance secrets with y'all, so let's start with a few tips:

Heyoooooooooooooh like you were expecting anything else.

Tip The First: Let your SO poop in private.

Trust me, you don't want to be the turkey in this situation. INSTANT MOOD KILLER.

Tip #2:

Build your relationship on a foundation of terrible, often nonsensical puns:

Bee-leaf me on the nonsensical part. The more confused your SO is, the more turned on they'll be.

Tip C:

I'm not saying get them drunk.

I'm typing it.

Never underestimate the power of Tip C.

4)

Send the kids back to school. Granted, we don't have kids, but this one is apparently so effective even the bakers are hinting around at it:

5) Practice your sexy face:

6) Then maybe try a little flexing:

Just keep in mind flexing doesn't look great from every angle:

7) And finally, remember, romance isn't just about setting the mood or saying the right things or getting drunk and dancing the perfect seductive polka. No, there are other, healthy alternatives:

"Awwww yeah. Shut the door, sweetie; and bring the whole dozen."

Thanks to Sarah L., Johnnie L., Jen D., Chris J., Katie G., Noah G., Stephanie & Rejean, Carolyn C., & Amy K. for keeping love alive.

*****

P.S. Want to send flowers that last forever? Then how about this card that transforms into a bouquet:

Fresh Cut Paper Pop-Up Flowers

I sent this style to my Mom for her birthday last April, and it looks just like this! Even better, it ships free with Prime, so no extra postage needed.
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And from my other blog, Epbot:

7 Back-To-School Cakes That Shall Not Pass

School's back! Yay!!

Now, how do we sign these bakers up?

(Or at least you were.)

Yes, really. Another one.

And a special shout-out to all of you heading off to college, like Andy here:

Congrats on being "excepted"!!!

Thanks to Cindy C., Michelle M., Hayley, Amanda M., Susan, Tanya, & Erika P. for the "exceptional" work.

*****

P.S. Need to hide your eyes *and* listen to music or a good podcast? Then check THESE babies out:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders for my insomnia. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask -  like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they only cost $20 Prime.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works out great if you have a big head like me. :D

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And from my other blog, Epbot: