When The Junior Wreckerator Has Become The Master

Welcome to another installment of...

Confessions of a Master Baker!

"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."

[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]

"So then," [blowing nose] "Then I told my husband to just bring me more plastic flowers, but we were OUT OF PLASTIC FLOWERS." 

"I still have nightmares about brown sugar and chocolate shavings."

[whispering]

Confessions...

"They said they wanted 'Starry Night.' Everyone knows Starry Night, right? So I drew it from memory.

"Turns out I don't know Starry Night."

[whispering]

Telling Secrets...

"What can I say? I panicked. I grabbed the can of silver spray..."

"... and told the bride it was Art Deco!"

[whispering]

Declarations...

"I thought a fondant ribbon down the side would distract from the lopsidedness.

"... Which it did. So I guess, you know, that worked."

[whispering]

Professions, but not in a job-like way...

"How hard is it to throw a few rose petals on a cake?"

"Easier than dodging a whole wedding cake, that's for sure."

Thanks to Pat J., Erin R., Anony M., Lauren H., & Natalie W., who I hear is really quick on her feet.

*****

P.S. My confession: I don't have much of a waist, so I can't keep my stretchy jeans up without a belt - and I HATE belts. Or at least I did until I found this one:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.

A Series of Unfortunate Monograms

Who thought this was a good idea?

Or this?

(Never in my life have I so fervently hoped that a cake was chocolate.)

Or, Aunt Flo help us, this?

"So, when's the party?"

"At the end of the month."

Amy M., Jenna B., & Kim W., URQTs. At least, I like to think that you are. Not in a creepy way, of course, or like I know firsthand because I secretly stalk you or anything...that would just be weird. I mean, look, I'm just trying to give you a friendly compliment, in a completely platonic, non-stalker-esque kind of way, Ok? Ok. As you were.

*****

P.S. Here's a fun gift for the kids in your life this spooky season:

Little Blue Truck's Halloween Board Book

It's interactive with lift-the-flap surprises, has over 10,000 5-star ratings, and is on sale this week for $6 Prime!