Throw The Bouquet (Away)

I can't tell you how many wedding Wrecks I've seen salvaged with nothing more than a few well-placed bunches of fresh flowers.

These...are not those saves.

Believe it or not, that's a 3-tiered cake. See how effectively the gigantic seed pods hide the flaws in the top tier? They ran out for the bottom two, though, and were forced to randomly spill stuff on the table cloth to help "distract the eye." Cocoa powder or dirt? That is the question.

Other questions come to mind here, however:

Questions like: "Why?" and, "Why?" and, "For the love of pretty pastry platters, WHY?!?"

Since fresh flowers do have the nasty tendency of dying, though, I bet some of you are asking why bakers don't just use fake ones.

I will answer your question [dramatic pause]...with another question:

Ever contemplate sucking icing off a fabric leaf?

(Don't worry, this was not a wedding cake. It was a 20th wedding anniversary cake. Which, you know, makes it all better.)

Still, at least you can always count on silk flowers to be dust-free, hygienic, and easy to sanitize. That's why it's OK to just jam them all in the icing:

[blink blink]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA HOOHAA HEEHAHAH!

[wiping eyes] Dust free! Heehee! Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

You know, Amy, Kasey R., & Anony M., I give "deadpan" a good name. I call it "Fuzzywuzzkins."

*****

P.S. Speaking of fuzzy things, we like floofs here, yes?

This is our cat Suki, and she luuuuurves these sticks so much I figured I should tell y'all about them.

Silvervine Cat Chew Sticks

If your cats don't react to catnip, try these; they're branches from a different plant with the same effect. My cats happen to love both, but I prefer Silvervine since the sticks are less messy than loose catnip, plus help clean their teeth.

Even better, a 10-pack of sticks is only $6, and they last forever. It's been 2 years and I'm still on my second pack. Every couple months I'll scrape off a little bark to expose more of the wood underneath, which freshens the effect; the cats are EXTRA interested afterward. (The sticks have no smell for humans, btw.) Highly, HIGHLY recommend for your feline friends.

7 Bakers Tackle A Football Helmet, Somehow We All Win

Sometimes the Universe forces your hand, minions, and with the Superbowl charging down on us I'm left with no choice but to acknowledge the elephant in the bakery:

Ok, that's supposed to be a helmet, but tell me you didn't see an elephant there for a sec.

Like the Superbowl itself, helmets are supposed to be, you know, bowl shaped. And yet...

This.

Any Disney fan worth her salt can tell you this is the Doom Buggy from the Haunted Mansion:

And there's no turning back now. MWUAHHAHAAAA.

Pac-Man's cousin, Whale-Barfing-Man.

After a while your brain starts to break, so I honestly can't tell anymore: does this look like a helmet?

Or does it look like a guy trying to see his own belly button?
(YOU'RE WELCOME.)

I feel like this baker made the eyes look like footballs - or the footballs look like eyes - just to keep us guessing:

I mean, if you turn this upside down, isn't that a field goal? So is this some mad genius at work? Are we simply too plebeian to appreciate the forward-thinking design of a sporting savant?

And is this a wang?

I mean, I see a wang. Not a healthy one. Not necessarily even a human one. But definitely in the wang-adjacent department, is what I'm saying.

Which would bring a whole new meaning to "get your head in the game," am I right? Heyooooo.

Well, I hope you enjoyed these less-than super head bowls, minions. Stay tuned, and maybe next time I'll throw some wreckerator-assembled footballs your way:

Oh yeah, it's gonna be a home. RUN.

Thanks to Amanda V., Teri D., Angela L., Jennifer, Kacia L., Rachel & Kelly, Sara S., & Jen S. for using their heads. Snerk.

*****

I may not know football, but this is a seriously cool gift:

NFL Floating Helmet Display With LED Lights

This has over 2,000 rave reviews, and looks amazing in the customer photo gallery. There are 19 different teams to choose from, click that link to see them all.