The Secret's Out

Sometimes when I tell people that John and I have been married for 17 years now, they exclaim in shock, "What, did you get married when you were twelve?!" And then we laugh and laugh until I wake up and cry a little.

The times I'm not dreaming, though, people sometimes ask what our "secret" is.  I assume they mean the secret to a happy marriage, and not that thing that happened at the fair, because how would they know about that?

So. The secret to a happy marriage?

ROMANTICAL TYPE WORDS AND STUFF.

Yep, nothing bolsters a relationship more than eloquently whispered...um...whispers of affection. 

And stuff.

What's more, this kind of mushiness isn't just for your weeding day!

Now, admittedly, John is a lot better at this than I am, but I've learned to follow his lead and try to say something romantical every single day.

I know it can be hard for you naturally romantic chatterboxes to understand us more silent and stoic types, but the truth is sometimes we just don't know how to express what we're feeling.

And other times you'll have to cut us a little slack because, hey, at least we're trying.

 [creepy grin] Aheheheheh. PREEETTY.

But really, I can't stress this one point enough:

ROMANTICAL.

And if you want to keep your spouse on his or her toes, try celebrating your next anniversary like this:

 Not that *I* would ever do such a thing, of course. No, I prefer to write John heartfelt missives of the feelings my heart feels. Kind of like this bakery's delivery box:

[turning on slow, sultry beat] 

[grabbing mic] 

[talking over doo-wop back-up singers]

 John, sweetie? There is no need reason. [draping self over piano] You fall - you FALL! - in love with my freedom. [raising roof]  HEE-HEE! So open that window, baby - yes, OPEN IT! So that the soul of my soul and your soul and our souls - oh yes - [sliding to front of stage on knees] embracing you. [biting lip] Unnng. Yeah, boy. UH.

Thanks to Judie V.,  Melanie S., Anony M., Whitney B., Heather R.,  Stephanie & Aaron, Anony M., & Melinda H., for helping me express myself. Like to enjoy the heart was affected, guys. LIKE TO ENJOY.

*****

P.S. Are you having a family get-together for Easter this year? Because this is a cute all-ages game:

Easter Egg Spoon Race Game

Set up an obstacle course around the house, and see who makes it to the end the fastest without dropping their Easter egg! This adorable wooden set will last you for years to come, and is on sale today for $9 Prime.

Sexy Tractors & Pancake Dogs

It's Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day, minions, and if ever there was a holiday to celebrate with Cake Wrecks, this is it.

Can you guess which of these songs are real, and which ones I just now made up while giggling madly?

LET'S FIND OUT.

"My Dog Told You So"

You said he's just a mutt

But now you're on your butt

Don't gimmie no lip, 'cuz

My dog told you so

*****

"She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"

She thinks my tractor's sexy!

It really turns her on

She's always starin' at me

While I'm chuggin' along

*****

"You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly"

You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darling!

Oh, but looks ain't everything

And money ain't everything

But I love you just the same

*****

"Hold My Beer And Marry Me"

I'm drunk

Ohh whoa whoa

Drunk in love

You're all I'll ever want

So hold my beer

And marry me

*****

"Dropkick Me, Jesus"

Dropkick me, Jesus

Through the goalposts of life!

And over end neither left nor the right

Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights

Dropkick me, Jesus

Through the goalposts of life

****

"If You're Lookin' For Lovin' Don't Sit On Her Dog"

That cushion made a yip

It was my one-way ticket trip

If you're lookin' for lovin'

Don't sit on her dog!

Thanks to Lisa Marie, Fiona, Sarah Z., Elizabeth C., Kelli M., & Jan W. for helping me fool John with at least one of these. How'd the rest of you do? :D

*****

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