Darth Vader Gets Wrecked

Minions, next month Star Wars will be 46 years old. And I know just how to celebrate:

 ...by mercilessly mocking Darth Vader cakes.

 This one, for example, looks like a codfish. 

Granted, I don't actually know what a codfish looks like, but I imagine it must be kind of silly and wet-looking, which makes them practically twins.

And this one fits "scruffy-looking nerf herder" to a T:

Wait - I just realized there's no "t" in "scruffy-looking nerf herder."

Ok, it fits it to a "scruffy-looking"

When I was a kid I found this nifty stone-texture spray paint at Home Depot, and proceeded to paint everything I could get my hands on, including my room's wall switches, door handles, and lamps. My parents were lucky people, y'all. Anyway, apparently this baker had the same fascination:

But at least this one is icing. So you really can't take it for granite.

(HEYO.)

Speaking of stone, I'm not sure what happened to this Darth:

...but it looks like he's having an avalanche.

And here's the one they found flattened under the rubble:

Ouch.

This is technically the best Darth of the bunch, and that's really saying something:

Something about sweat, and tears, and purple poo.

(Oh, you've never eaten a bunch of black fondant before? Then never mind.)

I saved my favorite for last, of course.

("I've got a bad feeling about this...")

Presenting....

Darth Droopy!

"Heavy bweathing."

You know what? That makes me sad.

Hey Heather S.,  Arielle C., Luci, Brenda J., Clare, Leah S., & Julie Anne D., who's your daddy?

*****

P.S. If you like your Star Wars a little spicy, then this is for you:

Darth Vader Spice Grinder

THE SPICE MUST FLOW. Even when it's crossing the streams. Also that smooshy lil Vader grinder is adorable and only costs $16 Prime.

10 Easy Ways To Completely Wreck Your Icing Balloons

It's almost TOO simple: a round blob with a string.

So how can you wreck the humble icing balloon?

Oh, my sweet, naive little baker friends.

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.

1) Embrace The Airbrush:

I'm talking full-on bear hug territory here, folks. Love it. Use it. Defend it with your life. Don't ever let it go.

2) Choose Your Colors.... WISELY:

Crap brown with black "highlights?" Oooh, now you're cooking with gas!

Plus, anything that brings to mind bleeding orifices...

...IS PERFECT.

3) Remember Size Is Relative:

And you could totally fit a few more in there.

4) ...But Bigger Is Always Better:

Just throw a few tiny balloons on top to keep it confusing.

5) Of COURSE That Piping Tip Works

I mean, why wouldn't it?

6) Try Turning Them Into Insidious Ground-Dwelling Creatures:

::slither slither slither::

7) Or Colorful Hair Buns!

Floating grandma heads have never looked so festive.

(I'm not the only one seeing this, right?)

8) Gravity Schmavity:

Just be sure to never look at how real balloons work in real life, 'cuz that shiz will blow your freaking mind.

9) Look For Inspiration In Unlikely Places:

Like the wads of chewing gum under the counter!

And finally, the tried-and-true favorite of bakers everywhere:

10) Just Make Them Look Like Sperm:

Aww, three of them made it!

Thanks to Allison W., Erin, Becky G., Anne B., Hilary E., Mandy B., Rachel W., Brenda, Susan C., & Jason for finding some of the most hilarious balloon wrecks ever conceived.

*****

P.S. Speaking of conception, this book is the perfect gift for either a baby shower or any mom who needs a laugh:

There Are Moms Way Worse That You: Irrefutable Proof That You Are Indeed A Fantastic Parent