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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Oct102009

Happy National Cake Decorating Day!

Ok, yes, there really is a holiday for everything - but that's not the point.

The point, my fellow cake lovers, is that today is an excellent day to consider taking up a new hobby.

I'm talking, of course, about miniature railroad building.

Or, failing that, I suppose you could try cake decorating:

Now, I know what you're thinking. "John," you're thinking - although you're mistaken, because this is actually Jen typing - "John, how can I, a mere mortal, achieve the unspeakable grace and beauty displayed on this delectable-looking delight?"

(Admit it: that's what you were thinking, wasn't it? Dang, I'm good.)

Well, have no fear! When it comes to cake decorating, there's really nothing to it.

What, you don't believe me? Bwa. Aha. Hah. [<-- cheerful chortling] Perhaps some illustrations of paid-for, professional examples might help?

First, the basics. All you need is 1) some icing, and 2) a large plastic toy.

Feeling more confident now?

Or, if you really want to have some fun, get yourself a food grade airbrush. Oh, the fun you can have with that!

As an added bonus: no piping needed! Just spray on some random patterns, and you'll have a cakey creation to rival any "professional" in no time!


Of course, if you really want to break out the piping bags, don't feel like a recognizable pattern is necessary:

'Cuz it's not.
(Also, changing tips is for sissies. Just sayin'.)

Once you've mastered these few simple skills, you'll be able to create cakes guaranteed to make your friends sit up and take notice. Like this:

(Centering is also for sissies.)

Or this:

Drink it in; this could be your work someday.

That's right, aspiring artists: work hard, dream big, and some day you might achieve the ultimate of cake decorating feats: the wedding cake.

Dare to dream big.

Thanks to Wreckporters Michael, Melissa, Casey R., Kate R., Trisha W., Kenny K., Lydia D., & Jessica E. for today's "inspirations."

- Related Wreckage: Love is in the Air

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Reader Comments (92)

That wedding cake is sad because they obviously actually tried pretty hard. The strawberries in chocolate tuxes are kinda cute, at least.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFoxen

I definitely see alien breasts on the next to last cake. The green background (?) looks like it's moving, like sunshine reflecting through a pool on a sunny day.

WV: nelli - whoa nelli! That's an ugly cake!

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTía Hillary

The next to last, green, one is kind of amazing and not in a good way. It could be a game of Carcassonne, a germ slide under a microscope or the breasts of an alien woman that Captain Kirk would seduce.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdenestria

My favourite was the weird blobby mess (yeah, THAT one) until I got to the wedding cake. This is the first time I've ever felt disgusted by the sight of chocolate.

My SO baked my birthday cake this year and decorated it with the Star Trek insignia. It was a mirror image, but other than that it was perfect. I was so proud!

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKitty Finch

I like the black and white Marketing U cake - hope it's licorice!

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBillyD

At first I almost liked that wedding cake, but then I squinted at it and asked "is that FABRIC on it?" It looks like tulle to me but I hope I'm mistaken.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWildroses

I know what the second to last cake is!!!! It is a chalice coral http://www.liveaquaria.com/product/prod_display.cfm?c=597+321+468&pcatid=468 I'm not sure about the color but it's a pretty good match look wise. Ok, it probably isn't supposed to look like coral but that was what I saw when I looked at it.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrishka

What is the Five Nipple Cske supposed to mean???? This is going to keep me up for days.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIrma

I don't know why the fifth cake isn't clear to people. Obviously, it's for St. Patrick's Day! See the pretty green shamrocks? See the orange to keep those northern Irish feeling included? And that white fuzzy thing in the middle? Why it's the blessed beard of St. Patrick of course, known to cure all manner of plague.

WV: terid
That wedding cake is a teridble waste of perfectly good chocolate.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

I actually like that wedding cake, it could have been done better, but it's not TOO bad.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJynxed

I actually think that the bride/groom dipped strawberries were cute. But not for a wedding cake. Perhaps a shower cake?

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

I agree with others who've posted that the next-to-last cake looks like a faux pineapple-upside-down cake. It doesn't look appealing enough to eat, though.

wv: dodarr - Dodarr eat any of these wrecks?

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkadyb

That last cake made me snot with laughter. :D

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Question about the green, yellow, and orange cake . . . are those supposed to be flowers, or, uh, disembodied human mammary glands?

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Since there seems to be some confusion, I will add that the first cake today is actually green and purple not black and white, but they were loaded into the same icing bag, per the 1982 Wilton Yearbook, and the result was.. well.. exactly as the colorwheel might have predicted.

The addition of silver luster dust, of course, added to the general greyishgrossish tone. Piling silver dragees, colorful (?) rock sugar, and whatever else was at hand (metal shavings?) completed the look. The best way I've come up with to describe it was an unfortunate accident at a pixie mining facility. It was, truly, a sight to behold.

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. Is that Magic Shell on the wedding cake??? I can do that :)

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Litwillers

Hmm. The wedding cake could be very pretty if you get rid of the ruffles and if they had heated that chocolate fudge just a few degrees more! And kept it warm until they got to the bottom...the bottom layer looks the worse. I used to do cakes like that and when done well, they are beautiful!

The rest of those wrecks....I don't think there is any help for them! lol

WV: Nerbafi - organized crime by Nerds with allergies

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKachine

Centering is for Sissies has always been my motto, LOL! I'm off to look for a cake decorating correspondence course...

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCathe Holden

On cake three the tag says non-dairy topping and has a little pile of poop

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Looking at these makes me quite grateful I had a non-wrecky, perfectly lovely and absolutely nummy sheet cake with matching individual, non-CCC cupcakes at my wedding last night.

Although the Van Gogh boobie cake would be awesome for my sister's welcome home party when she moves back from New York.

J&J, this site kept us going and laughing through some really crazy wedding preparations. Thank you so much, and we hope you continue on your path to good health and happiness!

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFahnette

I kind of like the dreamy "Monet" vibes the penultimate one has.

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWendy K

oh god. That wedding cake is just TRULY wrecked.

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterS

It was SO awesome to meet you both in Austin! Thanks for coming down!!

October 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBethany

That wedding cake...What were they thinking?

October 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I actually like the last two. They're cute, if a little odd. And the last definitely looks tasty.

October 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My expressions while reading through this post:

=(

D=

=0

80

Yeah. Hooodoggie.

October 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

... Okay, I'll admit while that wedding cake isn't exactly BEAUTIFUL, I sure want to eat it.

... Maybe I just need a piece of chocolate.

October 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yes, I must say, the little tuxberries are awfully cute.

October 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Wow, if I paid for that for my wedding cake, I would be seriously mad.

October 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary

The green "pineapple ring" cake reminds me of a petri dish. Different antibiotics leave different 'clear zones', depending on how effective they are against the infectious agent.

I fear there will never be a Wreck vaccine.

October 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

It has to be said, I'd actually want to eat that last one. Pretty, it is not, but it looks kinda tasty...

October 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Um One of the cakes looks like the plant cells I taught my kids about today.

October 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the green and yellow one wants to be a gelatin salad when it grows up.

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I'm glad people informed me that those were strawberries in tuxes on the wedding cake. I thought they were eyes slit in half Cocteau-style, which made it much, much worse.

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The non dairy whipped topping sticker is the whipped cream icing. Like cool whip. It's not "butterless buttercreme." It's not supposed to be.

Also, people in grocery stores are not necessarily trained or even required to have any talent. I know I don't, but I still have to churn out dozens of generic cakes on a daily basis. They are professional only in the fact that they are paid to make cakes. And of course you can make this crap yourself. Nothing is difficult about cake decorating.

October 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShaina

Wow, everyone here came up with great names for that pineapple cake. "microbial pathogenesis" "plant cells" "stained cells from biology lab." I was thinking of biology, but not at a cellular level. Two pairs of boobs encircled in uh.. green plastic leis?

I just went straight for "BREASTS - two pairs!" when I saw that picture.

October 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

People of vision
are what we need. And sometimes,
that vision is blurred.

October 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

that wedding cake just made me feel sad. they thought they could do it. they put blue flowers on and everything. they went out on a limb. and failed.

this isn't a particularly witty comment.

i am genuinely depressed by that cake.

October 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Leastlikely

I actually quite like the last cake. Hm... Perhaps my groom shall wear a chocolate tuxedo. >;)

October 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCat.

"Non-dairy whipped topping" does, in fact, refer to something like Cool Whip. It is also not at all non-dairy (i.e. it contains milk products), so I have no idea how it has gotten that label.

(I have a milk allergy; I agree with the vegan baker that you can make very good non-dairy frosting, but THAT is neither dairy-free nor frosting.)

January 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersudaki

#1 looks like it was rescued from a fire. Or maybe the 'Marketing U Class of 2007' was for guys looking to get out of the coal mines.

#3 As noted elsewhere, the tag warns of 'non-dairy whipped topping' backed up with a picture of a poo pile. At least they recognize the equivalence...

#4 What's more festive than an airbrush test pattern?

#5 The flowers on the border are not half bad, but the rest makes up the balance. 'Pepto Pink' is not a color for anything that is to be eaten, agreed?

#6 Not sure about 'sissy' here -- it's so...aggressive! The background is aggressively random, the 'Big Cat Clown'(?) graphic is aggressively off-center, the poo border is aggressively fluorescent green. Whatever this thing is sitting on is aggressively disorienting as well.

#7 could be a cake tribute to the Moonglobe from The Outer Limits. They didn't get the eyes quite right, though, and the tentacles aren't clearly defined.

#8 comes from a wreckery located at the intersection of Aspirations and Reality. Concept: adorable. Execution? Er, did I mention the concept was adorable?

August 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I agree that

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