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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Oct042009

Tour Wreck - UPDATE

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)

« A Long Shot | Main | Sunday Sweets: Tour De Force, Pt 2 »

Reader Comments (1227)

Oh, man. I am so, so sorry that John is having such a rough time. I grew up in Dallas and most of my family still lives there - let me know if you're looking for places to eat/get coffee/whatever near the hospital, or other resources - I'd love to help in any way I can, especially since your stay in Dallas is looking to be much longer than expected. You can get me at omglawdork at gmail dot com.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteromg

I hope both of you recover quickly!!! and I hope you can reschedule the tour! (Bethesda) I just bought the book over the weekend and could not stop laughing.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess P

Oh my. I hope both of you are well very soon!

See if you can get hulu @ the hospital. Watch Community. It's great!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristine

First thing's first: Best wishes for a speedy recovery, John! I'll keep good thoughts for you...

As per request, a joke (of dubious funniness):
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!

May the Good-Health Fairy visit soon and often!

-Liz, Jet City Cakes

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZ_gal

Feel better John, and Jen - try to get some rest!! I'll be sending you prayers and happy thoughts.

... and a joke:

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrams! :)

Feel better!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

I've got my coworkers and half my family addicted to Cake Wrecks! Here's hoping for a speedy recovery and many more carrot jockey posts. :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaphronia

I'm so sorry! I hope you're better soon! That sounds really scary... I appreciate all you do for this site.

Some get-well-soon jokes (lovingly borrowed from Reader's Digest):
------
Panicking when her two-year-old swallowed a tiny magnet, my friend Phyllis rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."

"How will I be sure?" she pressed.

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."
------
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
------
Last New Year's Eve found me in the hospital scheduled for an operation to remove hemorrhoids. So while others donned party hats and sipped champagne, I wore a hospital gown and swigged painkillers. That's not to say the holiday spirit was completely absent.

The next day, January 1, I woke up to a banner on my bedroom wall. It screamed "Happy New Rear!"
------
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:

"The patient refused autopsy."

"The patient has no previous history of suicides."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Joke for the day:
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A bucaneer!

Mwahahahhahaha!

Ok, so there's the joke for John. I am wishing you both a speedy recovery and hoping you will be home soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Oh, no! Sending good thoughts and get well soon wishes to both of you.

-from Karen in Alameda, CA

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPandora

Just remembered a joke for you -

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting c-" "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristine

What do you call the bouncer at a gay bar?

a flame thrower!

Please don't chuckle too hard and don't give a the nurses any grief :)

Please be well you two!!! let us know if you need anything

Pam P

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPam P

My favourite joke:

A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Panther.
B: Panther who?
A: Panther no panth, I'm going thwimming!

Feel better :)
-deborah

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, crikey. Get well soon the both of yis. (I'm trying to type like I would say it- greetings from Northern Ireland btw) If you need cheering up (as I expect you do), I find some Monty Python works.
Love the blog.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

*positive healing strength vibes going your way*

As for jokes I am not going through all 1113 ooops wait 1114 comments to see if it was already posted so I apologize if you are being tormented by this again... It was told to me by a friend and while terribly corny we giggled like mad.

How do you wake up Lady GaGa?

Pa Pa Pa Pa Poke her face :D

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShawna/DragonTears

There were two brooms in a closet.
A female broom and a male broom.
One day, the male broom turned to the female broom and said "I think we should have a little whisk broom." To which she replied:

(wait for it)

"But honey, we haven't swept together!"

Har har har, I know ... but I hope the both of you start feeling better ... hospitals suck! Good luck and here's to things turning in your favor soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralishaneva

Oh my, how terrible for you both! Hoping you're both feeling well soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Oh my! Best wishes on a speedy recovery; the Wrecks can wait :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoMama

John, Having been there and done that, please know that you have my absolute sympathy. I truly hope you recover swiftly.

Jen, I can't imagine what you're going through, trying to be there for John and being sick too. Please take care of yourself as well!

Your fans will be waiting when you get back. Much love from NC.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKillian

My 6yo son's fave joke:
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side :)

My fave joke:
Why do the Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? It's too cold out-tide! :) Ahem.

You've been added to my daily prayers. Feel better soon. xo

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBowserRanch

Oh, and one more:

A guy goes to his doctor. "Doc, I keep dreaming about wigwams and tee pees. What does it mean?" Doc tells the guy: "You're too tense."

Say it out loud and you'll get the joke ;)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBowserRanch

I hope you're both feeling better! Here are some cheesy jokes for John:

What did the mother strawberry say to the baby strawberry?
"Don't get caught in a jam!"

Why did the cucumber blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!

A hydrogen nucleus walks into a bar, looking sad. The bartender asked what was wrong, and the hydrogen nucleus tells him that he's lost an electron. "Are you sure?" the bartender asked. "I'm positive!" the nucleus replied.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Okay, I'd never heard this joke before last night and my dad made me spit laughing!

A guy sees the neighbor kid digging a hole and says, "What's that for?"

"My goldfish died."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's quite a large hole for a goldfish, though, son."

"Well, he's inside your goddamn cat."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthisbagisnotatoy

Praying for you guys! Get better.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterarabelle marie

OOOOO Praying for you guys! I really am praying that you are both healed and blessed!

Hey John: Why did the police officer step in dog poop?

Because he was on doodie.
BAHDAHBUMP!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Take care of yourselves; we need many more years of Wrecks!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterQuiteLight

Have you noticed the irony of having a "lose 3 pounds of belly fat a day by using this old tip" ad on your page?? (Well, you said to include jokes......)

Both of you get well soon!!!!!!!!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hope you feel better soon. So sorry both of you are sick!!

Dani

P.S. A backwards Texas?!?! WTH?!?!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDani

"A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia.""I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."

Best wishes on a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristi Evans

Hi Jen and John,

I hope you both are feeling better soon. It really is awful when you get sick away from home, and hopefully you both will be right as rain and back on your feet. Also, when you publish the Cake Wrecks sequel, and go on your World Tour Part Deux, please come to British Columbia, Canada!

This is my all-time favourite joke, it's a little risque.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
He had his d*%k stuck in the chicken.

HAHAAHAHA, always makes me laugh!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteph in BC

We absolutely love your site and wish you both a very speedy recovery. If you need anything while you are here in Dallas, I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

My prayers are with you both.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOgday in Montana

Sadly, I have been in your shoes (stuck in a hospital in Japan and missed a trip to Australia). Hang in there and get well. Us non-baker-cake-buyer folks will be waiting for you to make a triumphant return. Your site brings SO much laughter to my home and we will enjoy seeing you at a later date.

I wish we could return the joy and laughter to you now.

Take care~get well!

Katya

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbun.on.the.run

Get well soon Wrecker and Wreckette!!! I hope you both have a speedy recovery... just don't push yourselves too hard, and ...stay away from plaid cakes for a while!

Much love and hugs from Pittsburgh, PA!

(captcha: Beaticn. That's what happens when an angry baker beats in the eggs... he beaticn them)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeana

Get well soon!
You know, if you don't know what to do with your down time it'd be interesting to see the geographic distribution of your fans! (that is, if you have any energy left after fighting all those nasty bugs in your system)
I'm sitting over on the other side of the pond in Germany and most days I'm on your site shortly after 3:30 p.m. to see what new goodies are waiting for me.
Thanks so much for the fun distraction from a boring day of translating!
Jenny G.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny G.

So sorry you are ill. Get well soon, John. I'm only minutes away in Dallas if you need anything!

-Karen Davis

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkayteedee

Love your site and your daily posts. Just getting caught up and found this post. Ack!! Hope John recovers soon and that y'all get home and resettled soon. Nothing worse than being sick away from home. Except maybe being REALLY sick away from home.

Here's the best joke I've heard lately (on the radio while I was in Utah a couple of weeks ago):

If you're an American when you go into the bathroom ...
And you're an American when you come out of the bathroom ...
What are you while you're IN the bathroom??
.
.
.
.
.
European ... get it?! Ur-a-pee-in!!

A friend later added: And in the kitchen? You're a russian.

LOL!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwxchik

A shaggy dog story to take your mind off of things:

In ancient Greece, there lived a man named "Bentos" who was a much beloved figure and a favourite with the gods. One day the gods decided to grant him eternal life with the sole condition that he could never shave; if he did shave, he would be immediately turned to ash and placed in an urn. Bentos accepted the condition and carried out his life through the centuries bringing wisdom and joy to everyone he met.

By the twentieth century, he went by the name of "Benny" and his life in ancient Greece seemed but a distant memory. It was then that he met, and fell in love with, a beautiful woman. On the eve of their wedding, his fiancee asked him for a favour. "Benny," she said," if it's not too much to ask, I would appreciate it if you would shave your beard for the wedding. You would look so handsome clean-shaven." Deeply in love with his fiancee and unable to deny her anything, Benny gladly shaved his beard. Instantly, the ancient gods saw that he had broken their condition and in a flash they smote him down, turned him to ash and placed him in an urn.

The moral of this story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Get better soon!

Tara Stephens

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterUnemployed Librarian

Better late than never - sending good wishes to the both of you and hoping like hell you feel better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterT

Oh I do hope you feel better soon, Jen and especially John. You're great people who don't deserve sad things like sickness! And now, for jokes. (Apologies if these have been posted before!)

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:

1. Hold down the shift key.
2. Hit the 4 key four times.
________________________________

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying: "Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter at Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHollee

Hi John & Jen,

That stinks that you're sick! You'll be in my thoughts & I hope you both get feeling better soon.

On the upside, this experience can only enhance your blog, as hospital food is it's own category of wreckiness! Do they ever serve cake? That would be something to document :)

Erin

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

We just wanted a way to keep you guys in Dallas a little longer.
Seriously though, get better.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I guess everyone was just having too much fun and the universe couldn't sustain it for the duration of the tour. It had no choice but to take drastic action by intervening with something that is completely NOT fun!

Take care, rest up and recover! Healthy thoughts winging your way.

(On a brighter note, my book just arrived in the mail!!)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAJHussong

Hey you guys. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. My thoughts are with you.

I haven't seen too many jokes in the posts lately, like you asked for, so here are a couple of silly one-liner puns to make you roll your eyes:

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

man, wish i had checked the site yesterday so i could have started praying for you guys sooner. best wishes for a speedy recovery for you both!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Yikes! I hope you guys start feeling better. Wishing you all the best.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is an old one...

And advisor came to George Bush when he was in office and said,"Mr. President...I have some bad news about the war...we had some casualties." The President looks up from his desk and asks "How many and who were they?" The advisor replies, "We lost four Brazilians" The President hangs his head and mutters,"Oh that is terrible terrible..." He looks up and asks his advisor..."How many zero's are in a Brazilian?"

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hi Jen and John! Hope you are both feeling better soon. I must say I admire your gung-ho spirit in wrecking the tour...in that respect, HOLLA!
Here is a joke to hopefully make you smile...

Why did the Jelly Roll?

Because it saw an Apple Turnover

Okay...it's not a cake joke, but darn close (if you squint really hard and tilt your head slightly to the right)
:)
GET WELL SOON!!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How terrible! Best wishes and I hope you are better soon, John. I'll pray for you both!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss B

To make you feel better, the first adult joke I ever learned.

What bird symbolizes America?
.
.
.
.
.
.
That's right, the Bald Eagle!

Now, what bird symbolizes Thanksgiving?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The turkey!

Now, what bird symbolizes love? (Hint, it rhymes with love.)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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You got it! The dove :)

Now, what bird symbolizes True Love?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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The swallow!

Now just picture an 11 year old girl in pig tails telling you that, and you've got Thanksgiving '91 a la the Malys.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkcunning

Scary and I am sorry you are both so sick...no jokes for you, just lots of sincere prayers for complete recovery and health ! LOL

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNonna Beach

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