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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Oct042009

Tour Wreck - UPDATE

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)

« A Long Shot | Main | Sunday Sweets: Tour De Force, Pt 2 »

Reader Comments (1227)

Poor Jen and John! I hope both of you feel better, in body and spirit, as soon as possible!

The only joke I can think of to tell is pretty inappropriate, and I don't want to offend anyone. But for what it's worth, it's a funny one!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

I hope you are feeling well soon. You bring a lot of enjoyment to a lot of people, and we're all sending you our well wishes.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie Hill

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, hey, why the long face? Sorry about that - its all I got on short notice.

Get well, guys.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGingerB

Hugs to you both, and get well soon. Have you warned the hospital that there may be a lot of strangers sending you cakes? Scary cakes?
-Ann

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

John & Jen...our prayers are with you. Even if the book tour doesn't happen, you are still making people double over with the blog and the book, so all is well. I don't have any funny jokes, but I just got my book Friday and while my hubby and child were gone, I devoured it and laughed my hiney off. Thanks for the laughs and GET BETTER!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTina and Jason

My fiance and I are hoping for a speedy recovery! Our thoughts are with you!!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabrina

I hope John gets better soon. I will be thinking of you both.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaty

I'm away from Google Reader for three days and this is what happens to my favorite bloggers? John, I hope you are out of the ICU and heading home soon and Jen, I hope you're feeling better soon so you can help out your hubby! I also want to let you guys know that your book has had my family doubled over in laughter while we're going through ICU trauma of our own. So all that good karma should be helping you out now!!! (who knew making snarky comments about cakes would actually be filed under "good karma?") Get well & get home soon!!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMtgchic

Get well soon! The ICU is no fun.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Oh noes! Get better soon!

There is this tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Man, it is HOT in here" and the other one says "Holy Shit a talking muffin!"

sorry, it's an old one but it makes me laugh every time!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Here's another joke: How many dull people does it take to screw in a light bulb? ... One.

Feel better! No, wait ... _get_ better. Then the feel better part should follow.

-Nils

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterturbidity

*thinks one word, with everyone around the world*
DOCTOR! ; )

Seriously, get well soon--BOTH of you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

Oy Vey! I hope you two are doing ok and I'm looking forward to the "Dallas" story as told by the cake!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElisaFeeFoFee

Staph in the blood is very serious stuff. I am sending you all the good ju-ju I can muster and I sincerely hope John does not have to stay in the "care" of a hospital for very long. SPEEDY RECOVERY already!
~a fan

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~Alissa

So sorry to hear that both of you are sick. Hope better health is coming your way soon.

Here's a joke for you:

What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermrsmoy

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about John in the ICU, and with Jen not feeling up to snuff, either! I wish I could tell you a good joke, but the only one I've ever been able to remember is so bad I would never inflict that upon you in your condition. So, how about a riddle?

Q: Why did the baker put her cake in the freezer?

A: Because she wanted icing on it! (Talk about a wreck!)

Warm wishes from Boston.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertchen

sorry to hear you two are ill :(
this blog makes my day every time I read it. Feel lots better!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm really sorry to hear you're both ill, and I hope John recovers from his staph infection quickly! That's gotta be scary for you both.

Here's another website to keep you both entertained, not sure if you know of this one: http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCandice

Well I hope the Dallas hospitals are at least being hospitable! =D You at Parkland? They are known for being the best hospital in the area for gunshots!

I wish I could of done the book tour stop in Dallas but I am getting over my own crud as well... so I feel better that it wasn't ME that gave it to you guys! Take care and wishing you both a very speedy recovery!

Your neighbor in Arlington,

Stephanie

PS- If you get real bored I could bring season 1 of FOTC over! =)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Boy, just having one illness isn't enough for you guys, huh? No good deed (your blog and book) goes unpunished... I hope that John is out of the ICU very soon and that you're both feeling better ASAP.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*gemmifer*

OMGosh! That is horrible!!! So sorry to hear you both have gotten sick. Take care of yourselves. Everyone will be waiting when you are all better. :-)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

Get well soon, Jen and John! I wish you both a fantastically speedy recovery!

Lots O' love from Seattle!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMadi Bo

What no monkey jokes? NO MONK JOKES? Here is one of each (the first ont's a tad maccabre, but the second is my favorite):

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- Because everybody else was doin' it!

Three monks in a monastery have taken a vow of silence. One monk is allowed to speak, once, each year (they take turns). The first year, at breakfast, the first monk speaks and says "I hate oatmeal." A year leater, again at breakfast, the second monk speaks and says "I love oatmeal." Finally, one year later, the last monk gets to speak and HE says "I'm so tired of this constant bickering about oatmeal!" (special thanks to Ryan North and Chris Hastings)

I was going to tell the muffin joke, but others beat me to it. It would have been better as cupcakes, guys!

FEEL BETTER, J&J! It was great meeting you last week in San Francisco!

-Cory & Cora

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCory

You two are amazing. Please, for the love of cake and all things cakey, get well soon, John!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic

Oh, guys, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Worse yet, I have no funny jokes. But if you're into horror/humor be sure to click to peopleofwalmart.com.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your illnesses. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you both, and will dedicate the paper I have to write (which I meant to procrastinate on by laughing over your site) towards improved health for you both.

-Kristin

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

That is horrible!! Jen and John, both of you get better soon! Being sick is no fun at all, especially away from home. I caught a stomach flu when I visited my inlaws in Missouri. Not fun.

In the mean time, here's a bad joke that I love, just for John.

One day, a man had a birthday. As a gift, his loving wife presented him with a Thermos.

"What is this?" the husband asked, having never seen a Thermos before.

"A Thermos," replied his wife. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Neat," said the man. "Thank you."

So the next day, he takes his Thermos to work with him. All his coworkers look at it and ask, "What is that?"

"A Thermos," replied the man. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!"

"So what do you have in there?" one coworker asks.

The man answers, "Three cups of coffee and a popcicle!"

Get well soon guys!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKachine

We have some great hospitals here is Big D. If y'all need ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to send out the word and I'm sure all us wreckporters in Dallas will do what we can to help!

Genie in Dallas.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGenie

I hope you are both much better soon! Eat lots of cake. :) My joke: What's brown and sticky? A stick!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBluefunk

I'm so very sorry to hear that you're both sick, and concerned for John. Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPost Tenebras Lux

Cowboy jokes!

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so, yes, I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

* * * * *

When Mary's husband died at the age of 30, she found herself all alone and responsible for running a large ranch in Montana. She realized soon that she would have to find another good ranch hand who take on this responsibility. She held interviews and decided on Jim, a soft-spoken man who even looked like a cowboy should look. Mary soon realized that she had made the right choice. Jim took charge and the ranch was running smoothly in no time. Mary grew very fond of soft-spoken Jim and one day she approached him and said, "Here is some money. Go on into town and live it up a little." Jim tipped his hat to her and smiled.

Jim came home to find Mary sitting on the porch next to a single candle, sipping on a glass of red wine. Mary stood up and walked over to Jim and looked him in the eyes. "Take off my blouse" she whispered. "Undo my skirt and take it off." "And now my bra and panties." And there they stood in the flickering candlelight.

And then Mary said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'll fire your ass."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterscarter

Hey John! I am a cake wreck lurker, and this is my first post so sorry to hear you're sick. Please get well.

Here is a bad joke for ya...
Corned Beef sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
Bartender says, "sorry we don't serve sandwiches".

Hahahahah.

Get well

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Seriously praying for you, John and Jen. You are well-loved.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

My thoughts are with both of you - get well soon! Hope that nasty staph is under control PRONTO!

my attempt at a joke
a mother and her young son boarded an airplane, and looking out the airplane window, the little boy had a thought. "Mommy, why is it that big horses have little horses, and bit cows have little cows, but big airplanes don't have little airplanes?". Mom was a bit flustered by the question, and not quite ready to discuss the birds and the bees with her son so she sent him up to talk to the pilot.

"Mr Pilot, why is it that big horses have little horses, and bit cows have little cows, but big airplanes don't have little airplanes?". The pilot thought about the child's question for a minute and then replied, "Well son, it's simple, We always pull out on time."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermn_me

I'm so sorry to hear this for you both - what a real wreck! Best wishes.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Good heavens, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for the illness and trouble, but how fortunate you are to have so many people rooting for you.

Joke, eh? Here's one of my faves.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "Someone has stolen our tent."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTvini

John! Hey John! John!

If you're an American when you walk into a bathroom, and you're an American when you walk out of a bathroom, what are you while you're IN the bathroom?

European.

Ha! Get it? You're-a-peein'! Well, my nephew thought it was funny...

Hope you are both feeling better!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

Sending my best get well thoughts to you!! Cake Wrecks has kept my spirit up through a patch of being sick myself. Thank you so much for that. Wishing you well from sunny California.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Just chiming in to add to the wisdom of the masses. We all love Cake Wrecks and all the laughter Jen and John bring, so get better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatty Bee

My prayers are with you guys! xoxo

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle? Wheee! I don't know a rain dance but will do the mop-kitchen floor-with-damp rag and sneakered foot- dance while sending get well wishes. The Gods are sure to take notice.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hope both of you feel better soon!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkerry

Being sick is the bad beats. Feel better soon!

Jokes:

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese.

What happens when a brown chicken and a brown cow are alone together in a dark room?

Brown Chicken Brown Cow
(Bomp chicka wow wow....)

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVickey.

I wish you both a fast and uneventful recovery!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So, a priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

GET BETTER!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I adore this blog, read it daily. I hope you're both dosed up to your wrecky eyeballs and get really well, really soon.
A joke:
An inflatable boy named Tim takes a pin to his inflatable school. He is found out and gets in massive trouble. His principal says, 'Tim, I am so disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let yourself down, you've let down the entire school...'
Best wishes from Australia
Emma

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Hope you two are better soon! Here's my favorite joke:

Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?

A: Patio Furniture!

(it's a joke that's better heard than read.)

<3, an Austin fan

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hope you both get well soon! :)

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNathalie

Oh it's such a shame for both of you that you've got lurgies. :( I wish you both a speedy recovery. Your blog always makes me laugh amd it's really sad that you're having a bad time. :(

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHelen Highwater

I definitely know how miserable it is to be sick far away from home. I did a study abroad trip in Europe for six weeks a couple of summers ago, and in the middle of one of our small group free travel weekends, I got some nasty bug. Try walking around Amsterdam in the middle of summer with a fever and aching stomach while the rest of your group is all anxious to see as much of Amsterdam as possible! Trust me, not as easy as it sounds. In the end I had to let my group go do their thing (because I was only slowing them up) and just sit in a park all by myself for the rest of the day (oh yeah, did I mention our hostel was in another town so I couldn't go back and lie down until that night?). It was a beautiful park, but still. It sucks when you're sick and traveling, because traveling involves, y' know, MOVEMENT. And when you feel like a dead slug, movement is pretty much out of the question.

Still, I'm glad you guys were able to make it to Powell's, but I hope you get to reschedule your tour dates eventually so everyone gets to behold your awesomeness. :P

But yeah. Health first. Then awesomeness.

OH HEY. And here's a stupid joke. So. Some wreckporters are eating a wrecky clown cake, and one of them says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

...Well, I said it was stupid. But seriously, did you hear about the crematorium that gives discounts to burn victims?

Wow, this comment is way too long. kthxbai

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaitlin C.

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