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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Oct042009

Tour Wreck - UPDATE

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)

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Reader Comments (1227)

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says, "Boy, it's hot in here". Suddenly the other screams, "AHHHHH a talking muffin!!!" HAHAHA hope this makes you feel better John! P.S. I think the muffins must be Corn, cause this joke sure is corny....hahahahah!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am so very, very sorry ya'll have become ill. John, I hope you have a very speedy recovery and you're able to get home soon.
Very selfishly, I hope you both can resume the book tour, maybe after the holidays. Trust me, I will wait for the opportunity to share in the wreckiness.

For now, here are some puns to get you by:

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel that leaks.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Hope you both are feeling better soon!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Here is a joke for you!

What the did farmer say when he lost his tractor?

.
.
.
.
.
.

Where the heck is my tractor????

I hope you are both feeling better soon!!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Aww, poor guys. If you folks need anything, we're more than willing to make a 3 hour drive up from Austin to help you two out in any way possible while you're stuck in the Big D. :(

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Get better soon! We're all thinking of you!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMs Snarky Pants

Oh dear. Hope that you both heal quickly so you can get back home. Being sick in a strange city is terrible.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

Oh man, Jen & John!! Feel better soon, John!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Hey John what did one autumn leaf say to the other???? "I think i'm falling for you" buh bum chhhh. Its a lame fall pun but it got me a free latte at a local coffee shop. Get better guys! -Kaija

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaija

Hey guys!
I really hope you get well soon.

BUT
I had the Swine a couple weeks ago (ick) (even though it was kiiiind of awesome because I've survived a pandemic), and all I did was read LOTR and wath THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk

Not just the first part, the entire thing.
It's really really great, and campy, and delicious.
But I guess only if you're a potthead.

So watch it!
You will be singing the songs to yourselves for weeks to come.

also, as a ps
the word I had to type in to post this was
Pettiou.
what.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Hope you get feeling better soon. Both of you. <3

I don't have a joke, but I do have a funny website.

http://www.notalwaysright.com/

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Dear John and Jen,
Please get well soon! Don't worry- your fans will be here for you when you are feeling 100% again! Until then, focus on resting and getting well (John, that means putting away the computer and getting some rest!!!)
So, here's my joke:
Q-What's brown and sticky?
.
.
.
A- A stick!

Feel better yet? No? Well, I tried.
Again, Austin sends it's best wishes for you both to feel better quick!
-Meaghan

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeinyay

Hey John, what did the cat have for dessert? Mice cream!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wishing you both a speedy recovery! Take care of yourselves, the book tour can wait!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOot-N-Aboot

Sorry to hear about that! I hope you're both feeling better soon!

As for a joke, here's a good one (and by 'good', I mean 'bad'):

"Did you hear about the guy that got the left side of his body torn off?

Yeah, he's all right now."

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristina

Get well soon!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

My first comment for you too. Been a reader since the beginning though. I guess that makes me a lurker!

I don't know many jokes, but this one has been my favourite since I was five.

What is red, has a tail, and hums?
...
...
...
...
An electric radish!

I hope you both get well soon. :)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterForkintheRoad

Feel better, both of you! I'd tell John a joke but I am not even remotely funny. However, this site is good for a giggle (unfortunate things posted on Facebook): http://www.lamebook.com/

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Okay, I just woke up so these are the best my mind could come up with on short notice -- I hope you feel better!!!!

What brand of cleaning supplies do pirates use?

ARRRRRRm 'n Hammer.

um...
Two guys are incarcerated at the same asylum. Neither wants to be there and the two end up coming up with a plan of escape together.

They watch and wait and finally, one dark and stormy night, conditions are right and they sneak out of the ward. Everything is going great until part of their journey takes them across some high roof-tops. The first inmate takes a running jump and barely makes it. The second man, who has a more nervous temperament sees the near miss and refuses to budge. After a few minutes of arguing, knowing time is short, the first inmate sparks an idea.

"Here's what we'll do," he says. "I'll turn on my flashlight and shine it across to your rooftop. Then you can just walk across on the beam!"

The other man looks at him in incredulity and anger. "What do you think I am, crazy?!?" He glares at his partner in crime. "I know you'll turn the light off when I'm halfway across."

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstr4y

Hope you both get well soon!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSho

my best joke:

So, this guy is sitting down to breakfast, drinking his coffee and reading the paper, when he hears a little knock on the door. He goes to open the door, and there's this little snail sitting on the stoop. He thinks, ''Ew! How gross!'' and throws it across the street. About a year later, he's sitting down to breakfast again, drinking his coffee and reading his paper, when he hears another little knock on the door. He goes and opens the door, and the snail says "What the hell was that for?"

so.... my jokes aren't great, but get well soon!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrexopolis

As requested, a little joke to help cheer you folks up!

On the main street in my town there is a bakery. And in that bakery there is a baker of such amazing skill who creates the most intricate and beautiful cakes.

One day, a man walks into the bakery and says "I would like to order a cake for my wife's birthday." And the baker says "Well, what kind of design would you like?" And the man says "Well, she's an optometrist." And the baker says "Excellent! Come back tomorrow, the cake will be ready." So the man goes away and comes back the next day and the baker brings out an amazing cake shaped like a pair of eyes behind giant glasses. It looks so amazingly realistic, the man is astounded, thanks the baker over and over, and leaves.

A few days later, a woman walks into the bakery, looks around and asks the baker to make a cake for her husband's birthday. "What does your husband do?" the baker asked. The woman replies "He's a dentist." And the baker says "Excellent! Come back tomorrow, the cake will be ready." When the woman comes back the next day the baker brings out a cake of a giant smile wearing braces. It looks so amazingly realistic, the woman is astounde, thanks the baker over and over, and leaves.

Word spreads like wildfire all over town of how amazingly realistic the baker's creations and everyone who eats the cakes rave about them to anyone who will listen.

So, a few days later, another woman walks into the bakery, looks around and the baker (whose pride has become slightly swollen with the reviews he's received about his sculpture cakes) asks if there's anything he can help her with - does she want him to make a cake for anyone?

"No, I don't think so." The woman replies. "My husband's birthday is coming up, but, he's a gynaecologist."

(Feel better soon CakeWrecks! Even if you won't come visit us in Canada, we still think you're great!)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlaughing_leo

Sorry to hear you're both sick and I hope for a speedy recovery!

Q. Why was the little strawberry so sad?
A. Because his mother was in a jam!
Hope that brightened your day a bit :)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatsnacks

Sending prayers your way that you both feel better soon!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Good gravy! A joke from my kids for John:

Q: What do you get when you cross a caterpillar with a turkey?

A: Drumsticks for everyone!

Feel better. (We told you LA should have been on your tour! *grin*)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Get well soon both of you!! :)
You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLil' Woman

John and Jen,
Rest, rest, REST and don't worry about us! You need your strength! Here's hoping you get out of that hospital soon. No matter how nice they are, it's not fun to be in there!

I do like the idea of Wreckerators celebrating in your honor in abstentia, though. ;-)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hang in there, guys; you'll get through this. So sorry to hear the rest of the tour is canceled; though it does have the positive effect of making our experience in Orlando that much more valuable. (I can say I knew them when they were healthy! LOL) Glad you have each other and at least you can relax now. (Bummer on missing out on all that cake, though.)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstudiorose

My best to both of you. Here's my high school math teacher's favorite joke:

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender leans over the bar to take a look at him, and says "I'm very sorry, sir, but we don't serve your kind here. You'll have to leave."

The piece of string slumps his shoulders and wanders out. The moment he's out of the bar he runs down the street and around a corner. He then ties himself up into a complicated bow and frizzles his sting-ends. He then walks back into the bar.

"Bartender," he sqeaks, "I'd like to order a beer."

Bartender leans over the bar. "Hey, aren't' you that same piece of sting that was in here a few minutes ago?"

"Oh, no, I'm afraid not!"

(hee?)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Perry

I'm so sorry you guys got so sick while in Dallas. Hopefully it'll stop raining and you will get to at least a sunny sky while you guys are here! Get better soon! Nina

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNina

Get well soon! Long time lurker, first time poster. But I wanted to add my thoughts and prayers to everyone else's in the hopes that more volume will help! Here's my lame attempt at making you laugh:

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

Yes, I know its terrible. If I can coax even a sickly smile, I will be satisfied. Please feel better soon, both of you!

-Kimberly
p.s. I totally spelled my name wrong and had to fix it. I should sleep more...

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't know where you are at in Dallas, but I am a local gal. If there is anything you need or need to find. Give a shout and us locals will be sure to help.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLara

So sorry to hear you're both under the weather - lots of warm wishes for a speedy recovery! Take care of YOURSELVES first - all else (and all of us!) can wait!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Poor dears! Many prayers are coming your way!

Here's a bawdy one for John's entertainment:

"The square root of 69 = 8 something.
If you don't get it, it's probably because you don't get it." -- (I forgot the comedian's name!)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaggles

So sorry! We are sending hugs, good thoughts, and prayers your way!!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchris w

So sorry to hear this...hang in there guys! Let's see, a joke, a joke...can't think of one right now off the top of my head but I'll keep looking.
Love, G

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm so sorry! I didn't even get to make it to the show last night because I'm sick, too, but I really wanted to.

I hope you both get better soon!

And as far as jokes go, this was my pre-algebra teacher's favorite.

Q: What does a mermaid wear as underwear?

A: An algae-bra!

Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have followed your blog for about a year, and love LOVE the work you guys do! You've created a vast and awesome library of inscrutable wackiness for all the world to enjoy. I live in South Carolina, so I had to dispatch my Portland, Oregon corespondent, Nicolette to your Powell's book signing. She was able to get close enough to take a picture of the sea of butts in front of her, and to allegedly hear Jen's voice. For which I was grateful. (Voyerism rocks!) The news of John's hospitalization is devastating to all of us who care (albeit from afar) about both of you. Good luck, best wishes and know that many, many prayers are with you both.
Alison Boulton

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison The Choll

Some people will do ANYTHING to get out of a book tour! ;o) Seriously, I hope both of you get better soon.

And John, stop picking up cooties in the hospital!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKC

I'm sending good health wishes your way all the way from Michigan! For both of you, but especially John -- stop moderating comments and get some rest!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather T

Oh, no! Get well soon!

Here's a joke for you:

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

...because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken SEDAN!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTwirly McSwirl

two cannibals were eating a clown.
one looked at the other and said:

"does this taste funny to you?"

*ba-dum, ching!*
thank you, thank you i'm here all week folks, try the veal. and the cake.

get well soon, you crazy kids!! don't worry about us, worry about YOURSELVES!!!!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

hope you guys get better soon! it sucks to be alone and away from home :( my well wishes to John and yourself!

WV: trardle - a tough hurdle. Don't worry, you'll get over this trardle! You are not alone! The internets and all of us are with you and you are in our thoughts.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlasandri

Best wishes to you both. Don't let the hospital getcha! Get well in spite of them!! :)

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJarbig

Feel better soon John! Did you hear the one about the 2 guys in the high rise bar? This big guy in glasses, drunk as a skunk, keeps telling the guy next to him "I betcha if I jump out that window the air currents from the side walk vent'll blow me right back up and onto my barstool!" The other guy says, "yeah, 50 bucks!" So the guy in glasses jumps out the window,and sure enough comes right back up! The other guys says, "I've gotta try this!" so out the window he goes. SPLAT. The bartender turns to the guy in glasses and says, "Superman, you are a shear @@@hole when you're drunk."

Get well soon. I'm wishing you all the best.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarita

Three ducks approach the Pearly Gates. The first one walks up and is asked, "How did you spend your life?" He replies, "Oh. I've been in and out of puddles." It sounded like an honest life for a duck, so he was let into Heaven. The second duck walks up and is asked, "How did you spend your life?" He replies, "Oh. I've been in and out of puddles." He too is welcomed into Heaven. The third duck walks up and says, "Hi! I'm Puddles!"

So very sorry to hear of your illnesses. Get well soon.

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather Z.

Austin completely understands! I hope you guys get better and fast.

Here's for John for when he needs a good laugh:

peopleofwalmart.com

You'll either hate me or love me. :)

Enjoy!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly I

Hey John-

What's a Freudian slip?

When you say something but mean your mother!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLudmilla

A snail gets mugged by a tortoise. When the police asked the snail if he could remember any details, the snail said, "No, it all happened too quickly."

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

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