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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May012009

Why Beat a Dead Horse...

When you can eat one?


Am I right, Christin C.?

What's that? Ah, Robyn N. wants me to up the ante! Ok, how about a horse/cow mash-up cupcake cake?

No matter where you go, that eye will be watching - aaaallllways waaatching....
Check out the icing depth, too; most impressive.

Oh, but look! We have another contender entering the ring!
That thar's a mighty small pho-to for such a gee-gantic Wreck, Brio. Yeehaw! This buckaroo may only work out his front legs, but them fillies shore don't complain. (This concludes my attempt at a Texas drawl. Y'all.)

Allison's trying to get ahead (get it? A head?) with this sporty specimen:


Heh. That startled expression makes him look like he just inhaled that baseball Hoover-style.

But the undisputed winner has to be this one from Celeritas:

"Hey mister, why the long face?"

Ahahahah!

Next time I'll tell ya the one about the bartender and the grasshopper.


You would think that every horse head cake would come served on a pillow, though, wouldn't you?

Oh, wait - looks like I spoke too soon:


Ewww. I'm all for movie references, Erin M., but that's definitely an offer I can refuse.

NOTE: If this post looks familiar, there's a reason for that. And if it doesn't, that means you don't check CW first thing every morning, and should be ashamed of yourself. Hmph. Call yourself a Wreckie, do you? Where's your sense of Wrecky loyalty? Where's your pride? Where's the frickin' remote? (Seriously, I lost it. Have you seen it?)

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Reader Comments (141)

Mr. Short legs must be a heavy smoker. His barrel chest obviously indicates emphysema!

And the first head cake . . . it just scares me. Way, way more than the Godfather one.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdesibarbossa

the "long-faced" one, looks just like a man's privates covered in chocolate WITH EYES!
Ewwww
I can't see how could anyone eat that.

I hope I don't offend anyone or get deleted... I certainly tried to put it in the most educated way possible.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlackwood

Why to go John! Jen you rock , I love your blog! I can only imagine some people have never seen The Godfather.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBunnyBlue

"Just when I thought I was out....they pull me back in."

And I'm sorry but Patty's cake (pattycake?) reminds me too much of Artax...

wv: thshis. Thshis birthday cake.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

1. I was not aware that so many people never saw The Godfather. Or even heard about the horse head scene secondhand.

2. Anon- The MOTHER of sweet baby James ASKED Jen to show the pics of his birthday party. Should they not want to share their beloved child's birthday?

3. Don't be mean to Jen.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

MAN! that last one is SO disturbing! Who Would Order A Cake like that??

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCHEEZEBURGER

Actually I do check cake wrecks first thing every morning. Trouble is here in Australia our mornings are some other time of the day for you, not knowing where you're from I'm guessing it's last night where you are. Or yesterday afternoon. :D

I'm sorry you've been getting negative comments, Jen. I absolutely love this blog, and can't go a day without reading it.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

I want to hear the joke about the bartender and the grasshopper.

Tell me that one and I'll tell you the one about the bartender and the duck.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFyrefrog

i love the god father reference cake..it's still is beautifully made ..or im very prgnant and tired... hum...

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMoi, la perdue!

That second to last one looks suspiciously like a frosted eggplant. Does it not?

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

i love the godfather cake, but i am italian, yanno?

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpunxxi

As an add on to John. You are such the gentleman to defend Jen. It is clear you care very much about her. I loved your irthday entries. True pun-ishment for all those clueless ep**t commentators. May you and Jen have many happy years together.

-WM

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To anonymous who thinks Jen makes poor choices, the same comment can be made about you. Don't read the blog if you don't like it. Personally, I was greatly moved by the Sweet Baby James story and find the horse cakes horribly amusing and timely given the Derby. I read this blog everyday and it never ceases to bring a smile. THANK YOU Cake Wrecks! You're a wonderful source of humor and inspiration!

-WM

I'm not sure if this succeeded in getting posted, so I'm sending it again, just in case.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That is why you should keep your friends close and enemies closer.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfuzzandfuzzlet

The second last one looks like an ant eater!

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMad Izatie

Ryan said. "That second to last one looks like a brown chili pepper with a freckle.'

ON A STEECK! *LMAO*

wv aninvel....I wanted to post "on a steeek" earlier.

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

Jen, head back to the barn. After working so hard on these dead-on comments, you must be exhausted!
Friggin' hilarious!

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Fyrefrog said I want to hear the joke about the bartender and the grasshopper. Tell me that one and I'll tell you the one about the bartender and the duck.
So a grasshopper walked into a bar, and the bartender said "Wow, you're really famous around here. In fact, we even have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper said "Really? You have a drink called Steve?" (Sorry to inflict that joke on you all.)

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

I love this blog so much, I want to hug it every morning!
I was looking over Saturday's contributions and scrolled too far to see the re-run of the horses, and noticed something...does that third horse have....a "package"?!? eep!

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKen

Have you checked in the fridge or on the bathroom floor next to the toilet? That's where my remote gets lost.

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one looks like an ant eater! Hahahahaha!

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicci

The old grey mare she ain't what she used to be.

(ps: hope no one else has used that one, sorry, I'm not going to check through 137 comments!)

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

animals splat on the floor... ha ha... these decorators always succumb to gravity.

i am already having nightmarish images from the decapitated head.

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommentermizzyN

Hell's bells,those things are...ugh. Justugh. The CCC one is scary. I kind of hate to admit this, but I like the Godfather one. It's a really well done cake, just a very poor choice of subject. The horse with the baseball made me laugh. Poor thing looks like it was just out in the pasture minding it's own business when some stupid kid smashed a home run into it's face.

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

I do check first thing every morning at work... before my e-mail or coffee! I heart this blog!

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

sorry dudes,

this is wrong

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermad@you

Perfect timing for the Derby! LMAO!

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

The second last one reminds me of Artax!

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEllen S

Dear John,

I mill note your response and remember it.

Please be assured that I am not being mean. I am not degrading her or insulting her talent. I am expressing my sincere reaction to this particular posting and some past postings.

Overall, I enjoy this blog and I don't think I should stop reading it because the content is occasionally in poor taste.

Perhaps Jen doesn't realize that her choices are, at times, offensive.

As a writer, I'm sure she could benefit from hearing honest feedback. Whether she takes it personally or not is her business, not mine. Of course she has the right to do as she sees fit and I have the obligation to respond as I see fit.

Happy Trails,

Anonymous

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks, Jakie31337! As promised:

A duck walks into a bar, walked up to the bartender and says, "Got a grape?"

The bartender says, "No, we don't serve grapes here. Get out." The duck leaves. The next day the duck returns to the bar.

"Got a grape?"

"I told you yesterday we don't serve grapes. Get out!" The duck leaves. The next day the duck returns to the bar.

"Got a grape?"

"Listen, duck. I told you yesterday and the day before that, we don't server grapes! Now get out, and if you ask me that again I'm gonna nail your foot to the floor!" The duck leaves.

The next day the duck returns to the bar, walks up to the bartenders and says, "Got a nail?"

The bartender, relieved, but puzzled, says, "...no.."

"Got a grape?"

(Fyrefrog bows and tries to sneak out of the room without getting hurt)

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFyrefrog

My brother is a Silent Hill video games fan, when he saw the bloody head of the horse cake he said: see, and you thought a zombie nurse would be too much!

May 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/betterthanyou69/turdbeast.jpg

That is all I can think of at the long faced one :x

May 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm rather of the opinion that the second to last pic looks like an ant-eater.

May 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercounterbalance

Okay, is it just me or does the "why the long face" one remind anyone of Antibus from Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital when he's in anteater form?

May 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHayley

I love this dead horse cake...this is exactly what I'm looking for. I'm having a gangster party & was thinking about a cake just like this,but to have one made is $350.00.Now all I have to do is figure out how to do it...lol

Roni

May 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoni

I have not laughed this hard in ages. I was crying!!!! The creepy eye, the one with "special" legs, and the one that looks like an anteater. I love this post sooo so so so so much! Thank you for making my day!!! :)

August 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Is it just me, or does that "long face" look like a brown jalapeno?

November 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

the CCC wasn't as wrecky as they usually are

June 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterglassroseheart

i would like to make a suggestion. you should put the comments on a separate page so that it doesnt take so long to load each time. Perhaps my computer contributes to the excessive load time as well. by the way---this website is amazing---it has amused me for hours on end...thank you for that

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*Head tilt* I think that second one is a miserable attempt at a pinto pattern, but it probably is a horse/cow hybrid.

January 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEquues Cinema

The second-to-last one is not a horse head. It is an old, ugly, brown, decomposing jalapeno pepper with an old, ugly, (curly) brown, decomposing wig on.

March 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy's Understudy

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