My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Stick a Pick in It

Some bakeries are using all-plastic character picks for their doll cakes, like so:

(Who else thinks there's a roll of TP under there? Anyone? Anyone?)

And while I applaud the move away from synthetic hair, which tends to get mired in the frosting and cause significant amounts of Jen-gagging, I also see that doll cakes are now degrading into nothing more than vaguely rounded lumps of cake with torso picks jammed into them. Check it out:

With that disk around her waist it looks like Cinderella is popping out of a manhole stuck in a blueberry. Granted, we can't blame the decorator there - after all, s/he didn't make the pick - but if we mosey over to the issue of the glaringly mismatched blues we can blame all we want; they'll make more. (Three words, hiring managers: "color vision testing".)

Or how about this one?

It looks like Dora the Explorer has just popped out of a giant organ and is proudly teaching us the Spanish phrase for "No thank you, I am allergic to purple brains". Which, while handy to know, isn't really something you'd want a visual with.

Jessy, Calla B., & Troy K., you may accuse me of skirting the issue, but that last Wreck really makes you think, doesn't it?

*Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

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Reader Comments (74)

No gracias! Soy alergica a los cerebros morados!

Funny because where I live it's the other way around, she speaks Spanish and teaches the kids English, so when I read the post I was like: why would she say that in Spanish?


May 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermickie

*sigh* I miss crocheted barbie toilet paper holders.

And I think we are doing the female population a disservice with the picks. A girl should have to watch the legs being ripped off a faux barbie so the cake can be made. Such things prepare a girl for all the ups and downs of life.

wv...pairea...there's a pairea of legs over there.

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

my mother-in-law bought one of those top cakes for my daughter in tennessee and then drove with it in the car to get to chicago. by the time she got here, sleeping beauty had a definite list. when we pulled off the plastic cover, she lost half her tp, er, dress. not my favorite cake for her...

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermelanie

The Cinderella cake looks like a badly-done photoshop job. Honestly.

I also feel jipped over yesterday's the horse thing? Really? I mean, it was funny/disturbing/whathaveyou the first time, but that was like less than a month ago.

Here's to moving on...

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

wow....that's just wrong. How could anyone want to buy those for their children?
And yep, definately tp under that first cake. what a lovely birthday surprise for that poor child...not.

May 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiss_penguin_93

Ok so am I the only one that think the barbie cakes aren't bad?? A friend of mine made one by making the cake and then sticking the entire barbie in it, up to her waist, legs and all. Her daughter loved it!! She got to eat cake AND have a toy to play with.

and as far as Dora, well she looks like she's coming out of a purple mountain, not wearing a dress!

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

There's no way I could eat the purple atrocity know as Dora's dress. Consuming anything THAT purple should be illegal!

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

lol, we got the barbie one for our daughter's first birthday smash cake, it was the perfect size. this is a great example of when the execution of the idea can give extremely different results. our baby's cake was very cute... evenly frosted and nicely piped skirt... i loved it! some people just dont belong working in the bakery. maybe they would be better at spraying the vegetables or something?

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

The very first cake we bought at Walmart for my friend's 20 birthday. We though it would be amusing to give HIM a princess party. :-)

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbeckless

There is absolutely TP under that skirt! Yay, Grandma!

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterun-bride

The doll cakes are actually pretty cute when the decorator is good... But they have soooooo much icing on them. (i work at safeway and they make them there)

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I saw both the Barbie and Dora cakes at my local chain grocery store today. Yuck!

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

?Alergica? !Si!
Los cerebros purpuras
Son TAN purpuras!

wv: phinglai. I'm not sure exactly where I left my keys, but I phinglai are over there.

May 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Ya know, those doll cakes might be worth something if the recipient . . . you know . . . got a doll out of it, like other people mention. I mean, pulling half a lady out of a cake? Now, that's a whole other scare factor!!! And the skirts are so ugly . . .

I also agree with the person who mentioned the ickiness of eating a skirt . . .

Either way, this post was hilarious!

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstormcloud

Agh! I saw the Dora cake in the local store, but I didn't have my camera. I think they are missing the point of the 'princess cakes' Maybe Uhura will get one too!

PS I now have the "Barbie" song in my head, to torment me for a few more weeks.

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCakey Goodness

Whaaat, you don't like icing the boobies? I do! I pile up icing to make them way bigger!

Yeah, I'm a pervert, but my cakes are pretty good!

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

My friend made me a fantastic drag queen barbie cake like that for my birthday a couple of years ago. I loved it!

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Poor Dora, here is the correct sentence in spanish:

No gracias, soy alérgica a los cerebros morados

May 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Dunno if anyone said this yet but "Lo sciento, Soy alérgico a los cerebros morados."

May 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDamon

*DIES* I started laughing so hard at the "No, thank you" part that not only did I spit apple juice out of my nose, I scared the cat, too (causing her to tip the rest of the glass out of my hand)!

"No gracias, yo son alérgico a los cerebros púrpuras!"

May 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHer Royal Highness

It would be so very awesome to make the opposite of these cakes, laws of physics aside, a giant blob of cake and icing atop a pair of legs would be quite a cake!

Reba S.

May 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersommer

For people who read this far: i have a 3 year old sister who LOVES dora and i've seen tons of ads for dance to the rescue and as far as i know it is the 2nd time she wares a dress and the only time she wares the dress sort of like on the 3rd cake, but it is pretty ugly.

May 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Uh,oh. This is going to be another day of folks not reading the comments. jackie has informed us that dora wore a dress to her cousin's quinceañera party and folks are still telling us that Dora wears shorts."

Er, I didn't realise the coments posted instantly. I thought it was possible to post before the last comment was veiwable.

Mabye my computer is just special.

May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You kill me. Seriously. "No thank you, I am allergic to purple brains." These pictures make me want to become a baker and create my own giant purple Dora brains...or not.

June 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer T.

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