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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jul062009

Well, I'm Stumped

There is a tradition of making wedding cakes that look like tree stumps. Why? Beats me. And since many of them have little shotgun shells decoratively sprinkled around the edges, I'll let one of you ask.

Here's an example of a stump wedding cake, and also what bride Zsofia asked her baker to make for her wedding:

As you can see, it is remarkably stumpy. Now, again, you may be questioning the reasoning behind celebrating a new life of love together with a murdered tree. To this I say: It's not like it's a real tree, so let it go already. Besides, that's not the point.

So what IS the point?

The point, my dear Wreckies, is that Zsofia got THIS for her wedding cake:


See? Betcha don't give a poo-streaked muck pile why people order stump cakes now. Now you just want a better view of this poo-streaked muck pile.

Happy to oblige, my friends, happy to oblige:

This is a wedding cake, people. A wedding cake. For somebody's wedding. Which people were expected to eat. With their mouths.

Now don't get me wrong: the green shredded coconut adds a festive touch to those 15 cent cardboard rounds, and the fake bird is totally workin' it. Still, the bride suspects (and from this photo, I think with good reason) that the cake may have fallen over a few times en route, since in addition to looking - well, like this - it was an hour late to the reception.

Happily, though, Zsofia reports that by the time the cake arrived most of the guests were too drunk to care what the cake looked like, anyway.

[sniffle] Aw, I just love happy endings, don't you?

- Related Wreckage: Inspiration vs Perspiration

« Who Ordered the Poo Poo Platter? | Main | Sunday Sweets: Transformers »

Reader Comments (181)

My favorite part is the cardboard layer. To ensure everyone got the same allotted amount of fiber if they ate a real tree stump?

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRAchel

In both pictures, I clearly see "fu + JR" as the inscription. Perhaps the wreckerator had some passive-aggressive angst toward Zsofia. Also, are those rocks or bizarre Jelly Bellys behind the white flower? And there is something definitely wrong with those purple flowers.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCakey Goodness

"Amy said...
I think the tree-stump cake has a lot to do with the romantic history of carving one's initials and the initials of one's beloved into a tree."

I think you're exactly right . . .

Still, why anyone would [i]request[/i] one for their wedding seems, well, I don't know . . .I'm stumped.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It is totally a must have for an apron or t-shirt. It has to have the "with their mouths" bit on there also. :)

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

First, stump cakes should be make with at least two branches sticking out, indicating the root system is still alive, leaving no grounds for objection.

And the one on the bottom kind of looks like the notorious "bacon explosion." Not bad at all. THERE'S an idea for a wedding cake!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCameron

Um...I'm thinking that the decorator and the delivery guy got a head start on the drunk thing, so that by the time that they delivered the cake, they were even less aware than the wedding guests as to the state of the cake.

And not paying for this doesn't even seem like enough. They should pay her. But not in cake!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I realized I had a problem when I sat here looking at the cake and caught myself saying "c'mon, people, fau bois isn't that hard!"

Oh, dear.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

C'mon now, let's be fair. That cake in the box to the right is obviously the top layer. We should wait until the whole thing is properly assembled before passing judgement. I'm sure it will be an absolute vision of loveliness.
WV: coddlen - as in, "What in coddlen's name were you thinking?"

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

Wow, that is so so VERY sad! And I have seen some absolutely gorgeous tree stump cakes... gorgeous!

like these:

http://minelolly.blogspot.com/2009/03/branches-and-butterfly-wedding.html

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Okay I found the Woodmen of the world tree stump grave markers. Some of them are actually quite remarkable

http://www.flickr.com/groups/tree_gravestones/

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

Does the stump symbolize chopping down a tree to build a home? Did you get an answer? This is like the bloody lamb thing at easter all over again...

Finding that answer drove me crazy and this seems more obscure! guess I have my work cut out for me!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMari

That's just awful.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmandA

@ Kristen : What the heck is fau bois?????

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

It looks like a manure pile, especially with the butterflies "fluttering" around it like that, it reminds me of a cow patty.

hahaha.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShell

So so horrible...both stumps are hideous piles of poo. The green coconut is for Easter for the bunny cake to sit on, definitely NOT for a stumpy wedding cake to sit upon. (Yes, I know it's f-ugly for the bunny to sit upon too!)

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStuffCooksWant

I think the first one is supposed to be symbolic.

Like, the mushroom out of the (dead) tree stump is supposed to symbolize new life from old? Like, circle of life/love thing going on.

Which is a beautiful concept, except I'm not sure anyone wants their marriage compared to a fungi, but whatever floats your boat.

That second one looks like it was finger painted frosted. See how artfully that J+R was done? Wow.

I think the tree cake has somethinng to do with the rings on the inside lasting a lifetime and the couple starting their own life tree together. I know it is something like that. I had a vendor at a bridal show tell me like 6 years ago but its a bit fuzzy! Carving the initials makes an imprint on the tree forever... Like their love...... *gag* something like all that!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAurora

I think it looks more like BBQ sauce than poo. Maybe it's because we just celebrated July 4th. Either way it's gross.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For some reason I expect Yogi, Ranger Rick and/or Boo Boo to pop out of the cake.

Someone has been ingesting a few too many 'shrooms before or while baking.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Besides all the obvious, my question is why is there grass ABOVE the bottom of the (loosly based) tree stump? Horrid!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

I don't think the bride asked for a Bloody Stump....just a regular one... Oh my...there are no words...

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Oh this is awful!! It doesnt even look like a cake!! Why do people even pay for these things?

I've never heard of this tradition - does it have something to do with The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein?

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMusing Truth

I am still trying to understand why she would request the "nice" one. Yes, the one she got is truly horrendous. But her example wasn't much better! Both horrible!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercraftyashley

Wow. And I bet the cardboard between the tiers was the yummiest part!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna C. Morrison

ohh NO! Poor bride. I would have been horrified. I hope she got her money back..

GH

http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG.H.

That cake is completely unacceptable, in my opinion. What she got was NOT what she paid for. I don't care if it is cake, I wouldn't eat it because it really does look like a pile of poo!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

The only tree part of this wreck are the trees that died to make the cardboard rounds and the box it was shipped in. I suggest we send Fangorn Forest to the bakery to teach them a lesson.

The only carving should be done...oh never mind.*L*

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

I thought the problem was gonna be the "R+R" for someone named Zsofia.

Then I scrolled down ...

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSili

oh that poor girl...

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Um, give that to me at my wedding and I will...I don't know what, but really people? Really? Oh my!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaBro

Wow.. so bad.. its good ..in a hypnotic, sort of awfullness way, and good heavens you can see corugated cardboard in it!!!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

OMG, they left the CARDBOARD in it?!?!?!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first cake is a 70's flashback to when ceramic owls, mushrooms, macrame, kitchen witches, and other kitsch was popular.

As for the other other cake, all I can say is it's a known fact that butterflies are attracted to poop.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

In regards to the bird...
Anyone familiar with the parable about the freezing sparrow, the cow and the cat...

>.>

<.<

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

ohmygod.....

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOrchid Grey

About the cardboard cake rounds...they are SUPPOSED to be in there to support the many layers. you're just not supposed to SEE them. Any stacked cake is going to have cardboard or foamboard under every couple of layers, and then there will be straws or dowels in the cake to support the weight.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdottie park

i think i would punch someone in the face if they delivered this to my wedding.

this is a WRECK indeed!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRuthie!

I wonder what the cake would have looked like if the bride hadn't provided a photo?
I have a feeling that the baker was a "friend of a friend" who had made "beeeaaaautiful cakes" before!!!
I wonder if anyone checked to see if that was really painted icing or someone just rubbed a crapped in diaper all over the top???

...going to puke now!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkrazykris

This is my cake!!

The stump idea was because my husband is a lumberjack and it was a quaint woodland renaissance wedding. (Hey, it's better than the boars head I originally was thinking about)

The cake was fondant! Or at least, that's what I ordered!!

And, yes, I had already paid in advance for the cake. The maker was a friend of the family and we were kinda stuck footing the bill.

...at least it tasted good

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZsofia

Oh, and for my reaction..

Initially, I was pretty pissed that when we got to the reception the cake was nowhere to be found. I went a little overboard and my new husband kept giving me sips of mead to calm me down.
Once the cake showed up, due to my now being pretty hammered, we just thought it was hilarious albeit embarrassing. We cut the thing as soon as possible just to get it out of the way.

Honestly, we had such a wonderful wedding, we let it go. The memory was one we will always recall over and over to much hilarity.

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZsofia

Zsofia girl, I love you but yeah... that cake deserves this post!!! :D *hugs* sweetie!

You totally made my day posting my BFF's wedding cake!!!

WOW! That guy hanging out behind the cake really makes the picture. He's just so happy!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLex

I just threw up in my mouth...twice!

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy B.

Lemme guess.. the decorator is blind?

July 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChar

Oh. My.

Are they color blind? I mean, the first one is nearly frigging WHITE. And late, too?

This is why you want a pro and a contract.

WP - antic .... yep, pretty much.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

It is not butterflies, but flies that are perched on the heap. Great job with impersonation!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It most definitely needs a gnome!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertwinklescrapbooks

The reason that some people get stumps for wedding cakes is because sometimes lovers carve their names into tree stumps.

But it's still a terrible idea.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seems not that not the guests were drunk - check out the guy laughing in the top-right corner....and all I can say about that cake is...OY.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNdina

WV: canaudi - Canaudimagine eating that while sober, but I'd totally eat it drunk.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

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